New Songs for Seniors
(to old tunes)

I have often peed on these sheets before
But I never peed on someone else’s feet before
All at once were we
both all wet with pee
Knowing we slept on sheets wet with pee.
Are the lilac sheets now all stained with brown,
Can you smell our spotted sheets from all the way across town?
And we wear above our heads our love
yellow pillows as our golden crown.

And oh, the spots on the ceiling
That form whenever you’re here
That over-powering reeking
and any second brand-new spots may soon appear.

People stop and sniff and it bothers them
They may stop and say, “Excuse me,” or, “Ahem, ahem.”
Still there’s nowhere else I would rather be
than on our sheets so wet with our pee.


I could have pooped all night,
I could have pooped all night,
but still I couldn’t go.
I tried out every cure
And buckets of Ensure
But still I couldn’t go.
I’ll never know what made me constipated
Unable to go both day and night.
I only know that when
I’ll finally move again
I will have pooped-pooped-pooped all night.