My boots are full of tasty pies
The goo drips down my chin
And every time I turn around
A pie gets thrown again

Chocolate and banana cream,
They splat my face with these
And down my shirt, the juices squirt
Until they reach my knees

It's really cool if I splat first
When they don't know I'm there
I throw a fair amount of pies
And get them in their hair

It's cherry and blueberry pies
I love to throw the best
Cause when they land, they're sticky, and
They cause the biggest mess

My boots are full of week old pies
And lately I've been told
That other parts of my attire
Look like they're growing mold

"No fair!" I say, "No Fair!" I say
But do they listen? No!
And so I'm stuck, in pie gook, Yuck!
...But I've more pies to throw