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Song Parodies -> "Safety Not Guaranteed"
Original Song Title:
"I Pray Thee, Please Take Heed"
Original Performer:
Kagen Meyers
Parody Song Title:
"Safety Not Guaranteed"
Parody Written by:
Robert D. Arndt Jr.
The Lyrics
"SAFETY NOT GUARANTEED" is a movie jem about a classified ad placed in a magazine asking for a time travel partner. This premise was based on an actual prank ad placed as filler in another magazine in real life. But in the movie, the Seattle-based magazine sends a team leader with two interns to discover if the guy is nuts or if there is more to the story. The main intern is a girl named Darius that lives a boring life. She trails the P.O. Box holder and discovers he is a grocery clerk who is obsessed with time travel. She pretends to answer the ad and he teaches her to shoot firearms and use martial arts. She starts to have fun with his fantasy until Govt. agents follow them, he steals high powered lasers from a facility, and some form of machine is in his back shed that looks like a jet engine. No one really believes his story but in the end Darius chooses to believe in him regardless and what awaits is pure magic sitting on a lake. As the Govt. men and the rest of the media team watch in disbelief, Darius and Ken are enveloped in a magnificent light and disappear.
Classified ad seemed insane
Time travel- P.O. Box, no name
Investigated by a team
All working for a magazine
Darius performs recon
He who opens Box 91
Ken works for a grocery store
She suspects that he knows much more
Ad read: WANTED:
Someone to go back in time
with me,
SAFETY
NOT GUARANTEED
You’ll get paid
after we get back,
Must bring own weapons
(in case we’re attacked)
Gets involved in a scandal
Stolen lasers she can’t handle
He moves her with his zither
Crazy love, bad behavior!
So is this guy just insane?
How much of the truth does remain?
Agents follow close behind
Darius thinks that he’s lost his mind!
Ad read: WANTED:
Someone to go back in time
with me,
SAFETY
NOT GUARANTEED
You’ll get paid
after we get back,
Must bring own weapons
(in case we’re attacked)
In the end there is a chase
Mistake in past he must erase
Countdown to 2001
Darius had learned to shoot some guns
Something inside says, "Run, Run, Run!!!"
5pm to location
Final events set in motion
On a lake a time craft sits
Then “Oh My God, it DOES exist!”
Darius gives Ken a kiss
Intense flash of light, gone, a mist
Story took an unexpected twist!!!
Ad read: WANTED:
Someone to go back in time
with me,
SAFETY
NOT GUARANTEED
You’ll get paid
after we get back,
Must bring own weapons
(in case we’re attacked)
Love magic happened
(Never coming back)
Time travel- P.O. Box, no name
Investigated by a team
All working for a magazine
Darius performs recon
He who opens Box 91
Ken works for a grocery store
She suspects that he knows much more
Ad read: WANTED:
Someone to go back in time
with me,
SAFETY
NOT GUARANTEED
You’ll get paid
after we get back,
Must bring own weapons
(in case we’re attacked)
Gets involved in a scandal
Stolen lasers she can’t handle
He moves her with his zither
Crazy love, bad behavior!
So is this guy just insane?
How much of the truth does remain?
Agents follow close behind
Darius thinks that he’s lost his mind!
Ad read: WANTED:
Someone to go back in time
with me,
SAFETY
NOT GUARANTEED
You’ll get paid
after we get back,
Must bring own weapons
(in case we’re attacked)
In the end there is a chase
Mistake in past he must erase
Countdown to 2001
Darius had learned to shoot some guns
Something inside says, "Run, Run, Run!!!"
5pm to location
Final events set in motion
On a lake a time craft sits
Then “Oh My God, it DOES exist!”
Darius gives Ken a kiss
Intense flash of light, gone, a mist
Story took an unexpected twist!!!
Ad read: WANTED:
Someone to go back in time
with me,
SAFETY
NOT GUARANTEED
You’ll get paid
after we get back,
Must bring own weapons
(in case we’re attacked)
Love magic happened
(Never coming back)
This OS is highly modified and extended to tell the whole story.
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| 5 | 16 | 16 | 16 |
User Comments
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Is this an actual performer/song? I google-searched the performer, and all I got as results were from this site. In addition, I also looked on Allmusic.com and there were no exact results for the performer name. How do I know that you're not making stuff up?
Kagen Meyers is an inspirational song writer, singer, and poet that writes for various Christian missionary charities. As a supporter I receive her works as well as those by a multitude of other Christian song writers, singers, and poets in free publications sent to me frequently by the charities I support. I periodically go through them and take whatever songs and poems I feel like to make parodies of. She is not the first and will not be the last. If you'd like to give to the Salesians or other Catholic mission charities that provide these booklets, you can look them up online :)
Okay, thanks. Where can I find information on her? Does she have an official site?
I still don't see any verification of this alleged performer's existence.
The author of the parody has authorized comments, and wants YOUR feedback.
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