Screaming commercials like that "Life Alert" one
I'd like to change her fake "Help!" to a hurt one
Empty spooled restrooms, unseen when first sat
I wonder is there a Visine for that?

People who sing to themselves while they're working
'Specially those with no Star vocal chords lurking
Crotch sniffing dogs, or a fly rubbing cat
Sure wish that there was a Visine for that..

Slow senior drivers on roadways, two laners
Slobs who "guz" milk from the fridge, store containers
Ground zero pit smells and nowhere to scat..
Lord only knows, need strong Visine for that

Giant speed bumps
Gravy with lumps
Whiners on a bus..
Fresh out of eyedrops,
Just one done, I'm Cyclops
No remedy, poor us..

Shopping cart leaners, bare feet out car windows
Seemed parking spaces, then someone else in those
Trick folding road maps - a house flying bat
What is the kind of Visine for that?

"Let there be.." light switchers, acting like Moses
Piercings like shower rings hanging in noses
Ball caps on backwards - a gum snapping brat
There really should be a Visine for that..

Check-out lanes closing when I'm still in line there
"Stay Out! This Means You!" on someone's yard sign there
Your movie seat right behind Lincoln's hat
If they could, they should make Visine for that..

When string won't go
On your Yoyo
Nice rush hour flat..
Sound of Judge's gavel
Socks that unravel
Where's the Visine....for....that ?

Need some Visine...for....that