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Song Parodies -> "I Too Hate Computers"

Original Song Title:

"The Battle Hymn of Republic"

Original Performer:

Julia Ward Howe

Parody Song Title:

"I Too Hate Computers"

Parody Written by:

Susanna Viljanen

The Lyrics

Reno Rob gave me a good idea. I really need to vent my emotions.
Now I've been working as an IT pro for many painful years
it has been a many day I have come home my eyes in tears
To put it bluntly: I would rather work in brewery making beers -
Computers are from Hell!

I hate, I hate I hate computers,
They are, they are mental polluters
Psychological abusers,
Computers are from Hell!

I hate the brand of Microsoft and everything they make
that abortion that's called Windows which is prone to crash and break
I hate their attitude on screwing customers and fake -
the Windows is from Hell!

I hate, I hate, I hate computers,
I hate how Microsoft screws users
Windows 10 is just for losers,
Windows is from Hell!

I hate the brand of Apple and their stress on vogue and style
'cause their quality's substandard and their pricing outright vile
Their batteries they won't last long, they're good for garbage pile
the Apple's a fruit from Hell!

I hate, I hate, I hate computers
Apple's good for only lusers
Not a good choice for the choosers
Apple's a fruit from Hell!

I've worked too with the Linux, it's dog to administrate
the penguin is a bird I would like to defenestrate
The command prompt is pain to use and Vi - it makes me blate
the penguin's bird from Hell!

I hate, I hate, I hate computers
Linux is not for standard users
It's for nerds and geeks and other losers
the penguin' bird from Hell!

I hate the UNIX - all its forms, it is from the seventies
I hate the cryptic Korn shell and programming it with C
Now forty years has passed on, it is ancient as can be
the UNIX's straight from Hell!

I hate, I hate, I hate computers
UNIX and hash prompt for root -ers
It's another name for neuters!
the UNIX's straight from Hell!

I hate the networks, routers and the printers and the mice
they crash just every day or have undocumented vice
Either quality's abysmal or they have outrageous price
those gadgets are from Hell!

I hate, I hate, I hate computers
peripherals and other hooters
Should be run over with a scooter
those gadgets are from Hell!

They say technology's our friend, now that's an outright lie
the programs, they keep seizing and they regularly die
Soft- and hardware seldom work together, end up stuck in tie
The software is from Hell!

I hate, I hate, I hate computers
it's like to deal with a school shooter
Now what about the end consumers
The software is from Hell!

Be it Basic, Cobol, JavaScript, or Python, Perl or C
or Powershell or scripting, it is all the same for me
I hate to code and program, it is stressful it can be
the coding is from Hell!

I hate, I hate, I hate computers
they are, they are malignant tumors
They all should go down in the tube-ers
the coding is from Hell!

Mine eyes have seen computers they are nothing but just trash
they are flaky, they are bad and regularly die and crash
They consume your time, your nerves, your soul, your family and your cash
the computers are from Hell!

I hate, I hate, I hate computers
I hate to work as troubleshooter
I'm really, really scared of future
the computers are from Hell!

Now the viruses, the malware, and the online crime and fight
they are part and parcel of the deal you've made with Devil, right!
Internet is just a playground for the adults black and white
the Internet's from Hell

I hate, I hate, I hate computers
I hate when I find an intruder
I hate the criminals and looters
the Internet's from Hell!

Now computers they are Devil's tools and nothing more than junk
I'd like to shoot 'em smithereens just like some worthless punk
I'd like to get Winchester and shove in some lead and spunk
I'd like to shoot them to Hell!

I hate, I hate, I hate computers
Give them hot lead and hot pewter!
The way to deal with one is shoot her!
They should be shot to Hell!

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.9
How Funny: 4.2
Overall Rating: 4.3

Total Votes: 11

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 2   1
 3   0
 4   1
 5   7

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Jack - June 09, 2016 - Report this comment
This took some work. Thanks.
Patrick - June 09, 2016 - Report this comment
Is the "Battle Hymn" melody widely known in Finland? It is the most versatile of tunes. I have always been somewhat of a technophobe. I still use a rotary phone. Do those still exist where you live? I can use a computer to compose my parodies and to buy things, but that is about it. Someone set me up a Facebook page. Another thing I should not be wasting time on, but it did serve one good purpose. You hit at all the problems inherent in computers. I could think of a lot of ways they could be improved, but no one listens to me. Actually, in this day of government surveillance, I'm sure someone is listening all the time.
Susanna Viljanen - June 10, 2016 - Report this comment
Patrick: Yes, even schoolchildren know it here, and it is a popular fan song in the Finnish soccer league. There are several lyrics in Finnish for it. Rotary phones still do exist in Finland, but payphones and phone booths are long gone. Seeing he technology world from inside is a sure-fire way to get to know the flip side of the coin, unfortunately.
Reno Rob - June 11, 2016 - Report this comment
Right on there!!! I feel very sorry for you if you are actually working in that field. My sincerest sympathies. Could NEVER do that myself. Love the song though. A little history here, the reason I hate computers so much is the almighty Gates himself. Ever since I told him to fu#* off 30 years ago while his HD was being built I have been permanently jinxed. Now I just wish I could tell him again! Best of luck with those cursed things.

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