Have yourself a Maury little Christmas,
Facts of life corral
Where you'll learn that sexy Mira's
Really Mal.

Have yourself a Maury little Christmas
Emotions run deep
Every other word you strain
To hear..is bleep..

It's been on since the Springer days
Those old swinger days of jeer
Faithul friends become enemies,
As realities appear..

Porn and Poon are casual daily topics
Is he straight or gay?
Are we cheating when we hump
The cyber way?
Find out and have
A Maury little Christmas day..

(Com'l interruption)

Have yourself a Maury little Christmas
Watch the Povich Show
Hear the crowd go crazy
See the teardrops flow..

Have yourself a Maury little Christmas
Is her mate untrue?
Polygraph shows that he slept
With thirty-two..

Lovely girl - baby holdin' days
Diaper foldin' days - wash, Biz
Her mate, Earl,
Swears ten dudes she's kissed
He's here to insist - not his!

Now, we learn results of test, paternal
Our old boy just had
Ninety-nine point nine percent
Shows he's Earl's lad..
So, have yourself a Maury little Christmas,
...Dad!