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Song Parodies -> "I Don't Really Swear"

Original Song Title:

"I've Been Everywhere"

Original Performer:

Johnny Cash (version)

Parody Song Title:

"I Don't Really Swear"

Parody Written by:

Airfarcewon

The Lyrics

I was hitchin' a ride along a long dusty hilly country road
When along come a Plymouth and the high collared driver slowed
Well, he stopped and I got in the back for a bumpy ride
He was all adorned in black, and told me he was Priest McBride
He asked me if I went to church and lived religiously
I said, "No, Father..but, I don't ever use profanity."

I Don't Really Swear, Man
I Don't Really Swear, Man
My cussin's clean as air, Man
I guess I'm kinda' square, Man
Babble, I do my share, Man
But, I Don't Really Swear...

I might say...
Asp hole !
Grass mole !
Ash pole !
Sturdy plastered !
Take a Schick !
Cactus prick !
Sock Dick !
Birdie mastered !
Go to health !
Bull Chip !
Chicken Chip !
Plumber fluxer !
Rod jam!
Rotterdam !
Hot ham !
Pistol on ya !
Bangkok !
Full a' spit !
Holy sit !
Feather plucker !
Sock tucker !
Motor torquer !
muddy forker !
I'm a corker !

I Don't Really Swear, Man
I Don't Really Swear, Man
My cussin's clean as air, Man
I guess I'm kinda' square, Man
Babble, I do my share, Man
But, I Don't Really Swear...

I could say...
Bam it !
Dram it !
Hot mitt !
Cut the static !
Bite a barn !
Peace off !
Blight me !
Up your attic !
Sum a batch !
Succotash !
Quiche my hash !
Go and flock it !
Eat meat !
Course sheet !
Up your street !
Yank a socket !
Bet your asp !
Rubber raft !
Grab a shaft!
Dipstick !
Asinine !
Astronauts !
Scuttlebutt !
You know what !

I Don't Really Swear, Man
I Don't Really Swear, Man
My cussin's clean as air, Man
I guess I'm kinda' square, Man
Babble, I do my share, Man
But, I Don't Really Swear...

I just say...
Cheese 'n crust !
Suck dust !
Eat rust !
Holey Ships !
Four "Q" !
Take a cruise !
Kiss my shoes !
Chicken strips !
Lick red !
Stick Ed !
Truck ahead !
Corkscrew !
Peonies !
On your knees !
Pick some peas !
Barf a few !
Roll a rug !
Lick a jug !
Bite a bug !
Fly a Fokker
Motor trucker !
You cob sucker !
Kiss Al Roker
I'm a joker !

I Don't Really Swear, Man
I Don't Really Swear, Man
My cussin's clean as air, Man
I guess I'm kinda' square, Man
Babble, I do my share, Man
But, I Don't Really Swear...

When I say...
Cup yours !
Eat a swamp !
Pick your seat !
Innuendo !
Shrewd you !
Sniff shoe !
Horehound !
Pussy willow !
Sucker stick !
Nibble Nick !
Gulp a tick !
Blow a hocker !
Hard pucks !
Your vac sucks !
In your tux !
Suck a saddle !
Cockapoo !
Swallow mud !
Son of a bleach !
Sophie Tucker !
Seersucker !
Hudpucker !
Corn shucker !
I'm all tuckered !

I Don't Really Swear, Man
I Don't Really Swear, Man
My cussin's clean as air, Man
I guess I'm kinda' square, Man
Babble, I do my share, Man
But, I Don't Really Swear..

So, there..



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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 19

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
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 4   0
 0
 0
 
 5   19
 19
 19
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Dirty Hairy - May 26, 2006 - Report this comment
I swear, this is roll on the floor funny. I'm printing this out, to memorize alternative cuss words when I'm flustered. One of the best parodies I've read on this site, no Shiite.
Arwen - May 26, 2006 - Report this comment
Exceptionally clever, AFW...I love it!! =)
Claude Prez - May 26, 2006 - Report this comment
Holey ships this is good
John Barry - May 26, 2006 - Report this comment
Wordsmithing genius at work!
Stuart McArthur - May 26, 2006 - Report this comment
crikey - the OS was an Aussie song (Aussie placenames) before Johnny Cash got hold of it, but no version of the OS is as good as this - how the Sophie Tucker did you come up with them all, AFW? - 555 (innuendo - ho ho)
alvin rhodes - May 26, 2006 - Report this comment
an unbelievable bit o'writing to what is probably one of the hardest songs ever to pace...outstanding...i swear !
AFW - May 26, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks, Dirty Hairy...clever name...your vote and comment "Made my day"................................................And thanks, Arwen.............................. Thanks, Claude.................................................. ................and thanks, John.........................Thanks, Stuart...I know Hank Snow had it over here..first....and maybe it was a hit in Austrailia , before that...Can't claim all these as original., but many are....raised six kids...Years back, when the boys were around 8 or 10...I'd make up some generic profanity, like this, (Cheese n' Crust, go to health...etc)..so they could vent hostilities...and feel grown up...But, those were innocent times....It would never work today... Most kids all know, and use the real stuff at ages five, six, or even younger
AFW - May 26, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks, alvin..appreciate vote and comment...have a good vacation
Stephen Harrington - May 26, 2006 - Report this comment
DKTOS, but very creative nevertheless, 555.
PMS - May 26, 2006 - Report this comment
Goldang funny!
carol - May 26, 2006 - Report this comment
I declare that's not swearin' 5's
AFW - May 26, 2006 - Report this comment
Also thanks to Stephen, PMS, and carol
Larry Hensley - May 27, 2006 - Report this comment
I ain't goin' nowhere, man, I'm sittin' in my chair, 'cause this parody's funny! 555's
Red Ant - May 27, 2006 - Report this comment
This is friggin' awesome AFW. TMGLTM, but "Four Q!" was perhaps my favorite. High 5s.
AFW - May 27, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks, Larry, and Red Ant
Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd - May 27, 2006 - Report this comment
I'll be #+¤!*&%€§'ö&# if this isn't the best one I've missed over the last coupla days!
AFW - May 27, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks, Peter
Johnny D - May 28, 2006 - Report this comment
What John Barry said --- enter this in SOTM, AFW!
AFW - May 28, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks, Johnny D.......I'm afraid I'm a bit lacking in certain PC technical skills.....I will, if you can give me a few pointers on what I do to enter, and how I get it there...
Spaff.com - January 21, 2007 - Report this comment
As soon as I finished it, I went back and read it again. Motor truckin' creative and feather pluckin' funny.
Dave W. - April 03, 2012 - Report this comment
I was rummaging through your old stuff and found lots of gems...I bet You could do one about swearing, in reverse . .using profanity from every nationality.....tempting? or do you know of anyone who did such parody already ?
AFW - April 04, 2012 - Report this comment
Interesting idea, don't recall any like that...I'll certainly give it some thought...
American Steel - April 04, 2012 - Report this comment
Great, I love it! Hey, I just thought of a few more pseudo-cuss words for you: "Bull-Schlitz" (Schlitz is a brand name of a beer), "Bolshevik", "Sunny Beach", "Cheese and Crackers Got All Muddy!" = "Jesus Christ! God Almighty!" and LBNL the term I've heard in old movies that used to substitute the interjection "Jesus Christ!" and provided a name to a stellar heavy metal band. You guessed it, it's JUDAS PRIEST.
AFW - April 05, 2012 - Report this comment
AmStl: yeah, the list could be endless..."The Cheese and crackers" line, of course, we used to say as kids...

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