Early one morning while washing my face
I look myself in the mirror and I saw my face
My rugged beard was still hanging out
But my delicate hair was slowly falling out

I became frightened and passed out on sight
My head slammed the floor in this real quick fright
I can never imagine why am I the one
The one who has no hair so something must be done

I changed into my clothes and quickly left home
Not forgeting to cover my head with a dome
This cap I wear would cover me
Hoping people will never see bald old me

I then went to the pharmacist
Who was a trained doctor and psychologist
She asked me whether anything I need
I grabbed her legs and cried on spot to plead, plead, plead

I cried out to the lady pharmacist
Needed some sort of hair growing mist
A mist of an elixir that could cure my head
From baldness that will make my bride who will be dread

She then took me to aisle fifteen
Next to the aisle that needed to be cleaned
She showed me a box of magic tonic then
And then she started to begin to rant, rant, rant

I bought the tonic for half the price
Thirty two fifty to be precise
Went back home and poured the whole thing on
My head was wet from the tonic after the pour

The next day my hair started to grow
It was a miracle wouldn't you know
This tonic worked like a charm on ice
But boy the comeback came at a bad price

As time went on the hair still grew
Longer and longer like a really bad stew
It grew too long and then the world drowned in
My locks became a famous disaster within

Come on you baldies just listen to me
Don't pour out the whole bottle on Rogaine on thee