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Song Parodies -> "Friendly Advice"

Original Song Title:

"Sweet Betsy From Pike"

Original Performer:

John A Stone

Parody Song Title:

"Friendly Advice"

Parody Written by:

Phred Phlips

The Lyrics

This one came to me last week, but it took me a while to track down the name of the original tune. The lyrics date to the Gold Rush days. The tune is likely English, and quite a bit older. Like most folk melodies, it has a certain degree of flexibility and can be "stretched" a bit for comic effect. In the old days, immigrants came to America wanting to assimilate. Now they want to turn us into replicas of the lands they fled from. Some versions use a "tour a loura lay" chorus. I chose to omit it.
Your neighbor grills pork chops out in his backyard
See his daughter in her cut-offs and your wee-wee gets hard
His wife drives a minivan, his son chugs a beer
His brother came out of the closet--he's queer

Allah is watching and he's getting mad
So you think it is time to go on a jihad
Say good-bye to your dad and good-bye to your mom
Then light up the fuse of that suicide bomb

Why not hurry back home to Ragheadistan
Hijack an airplane, travel fast as you can
Bugger a camel and beat up a Jew
That's just what Muhammed would want you to do

Here in the Great Satan temptation abounds
The airwaves polluted with rock and roll sounds
Young girls, unescorted, go out by themselves
There's uncensored porn on the video shelves

So you made up your mind to go out like a man
In a blue blaze of glory, an explosives-filled van
Just push that red button and that's all she wrote
With "Allahu akbar!" screeching out of your throat

Then you'll be a big hero in Ragheadistan
On the six o'clock news from Beirut to Tehran
The envy of those who wish they'd done it, too
Those virgins await you, all seventy-two

The reward of the Martyr is yours now at last
No more hunger or thirst, no more Ramadan fast
Those tales you've been told from the day of your birth
Enjoying the pleasures forbidden on earth

That face looks familiar, from the one-dollar bill
It's President Washington, looking to kill
He punches your jaw and as you're falling fast
There's President Jefferson, kicking your ass

And Robert E. Lee, the great general in gray
Puts a sword to your throat, says "Go ahead, make my day"!
James Madison hits you and you lose your breath
Patrick Henry takes the liberty of giving you death

That Koran you've been reading got a verse or two wrong
Those virgins? Virginians--who knew all along?
America's founders, the Red, White and Blue
You mess with the best, they'll be waiting for you

There's a lesson to learn and you'd best learn it well
Stay away from the land where the Infidels dwell
Things will be a lot better if all of you went
Where the he-goats are nervous and your wives wear a tent

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.6
Overall Rating: 4.6

Total Votes: 15

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   2
 4   2
 5   11

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Callmelennie - July 15, 2016 - Report this comment
Ye olde 72 Virginians joke. They made old Usama change his name from Bin Laden to Bin Hurten. Ever hear the one where Osama goes to heaven and finds himself in a classroom being schooled for an eternity in the Baltimore Catechism by 72 old, bad-tempered Catholic nuns .... I got your 72 virgins; right here Osama .. right here!
Callmelennie - July 15, 2016 - Report this comment
If you're into Islamic parodies, check out my page. I've done around 35 submissions with Islamic themes, about 20% of my total submissions. As a general rule, if the title seems to be about Islam, it probably is. One exception would be "You're Hussein" which is about Barack Obama.
Patrick - July 16, 2016 - Report this comment
I read this one and thought it would stir up some controversy. The parody I posted the other day, far less controversial in spirit, set off a debate that ended up discussing global warming,which I never even mentioned.
Whacky Boy - July 17, 2016 - Report this comment
I remember a piece showing Allah congratulating Bin Laden and introducing him to the first of his virgins: Helen Thomas. To this, he's saying "Is it too late to change my religion? It's too late, isn't it?"

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