I looked in the closet the other day
Saw all kinds of stuff I should throw away
No matter how much I once had to pay
I've kept it too long now, I'm knowing

Then a giant mushroom caught my eye
From out of the corner began to fly
Emitting a smell and an ear-piercing cry
It was scary, growing, and gory

(Fiddle break)

Just one tiny spore on an old tennis shoe
But over the decades it grew and grew
Till one fateful morning it finally flew
The day of its liberation

It struck so hard I began to fall
I chilled to hear its battle call
It was big around as a basketball
It was scary, growing, and gory

(Fiddle break)

It swallowed the kitten, it ate the dog
Crawled into the fireplace and ate a log
Then down the sidewalk began to jog
Expanding into the sunlight

It crushed a minivan for fun
You couldn't stop it with a gun
The police and the National Guard did run
It was scary, growing, and gory

(Instrumental break)

It doubled in size with each passing hour
Feeding on people and solar power
It soon was as tall as a TV tower
The Fungus That Ate Kansas City

It left the Metro in a wreck
Homeland Security was vexed
Beware, your hometown could be next
It's scary, growing, and gory