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Song Parodies -> "The Fight Before Christmas"

Original Song Title:

"The Night Before Christmas"

Original Performer:

Henry Livingston

Parody Song Title:

"The Fight Before Christmas"

Parody Written by:

Dee Range

The Lyrics

This will only make sense to football fans, so most of the women will not know who Terrell Owens (T.O.) or his agent, Drew Rosenhaus (The Louse) are
As far as I know, the following fight never happened..it was a fight with Hugh Douglas that was the straw that broke the Eagles' back. But I would wager good money that Owens is not too happy with his agent, Drew Rosenhaus, and vice-versa. To me, it was a match made in heaven...that ended in Hell.

The Fight Before Christmas

"Twas the fight before Christmas, T.O. and the Louse
Not a bone wasn't broken on Drew Rosenhaus
The beating was done by the Eagle who blared
Who'd hoped a new contract soon would be there

"The Eagles must pay me", the smug wideout said
"If visions of Super Bowls lay up ahead"
"Yo mama!", said the Eagles, "you're so full of crap"
So Owens lay down in a meeting and napped

Upon T.O.'s lawn there arose a great clatter
The media swooped in and started to chatter
In front of the T.V. we flew like the Flash
And watched as he strutted and reamed Eagle ass

The loon said the rest of his ill-advised speech
While the Eagles' mad owner said "You son-of-beech!"
He left us all wondering what would come next
And how much would the Eagles hold out of his checks

With advice from his agent he played a few games
But then things got ugly, both sides placing blame
"So stupid, those Eagles, not giving me more"
T.O. bristled and pouted and into their ass tore

"Just pay me or trade me, but do it right quick, man
I want some more money, or I won't do dick, man"
"That's the end of the line", said the owner, appalled
Now get away, we won't pay, nothing at all!"

Then the Eagles said Owens must apologize
Especially to Donovan for all the lies
So to T.O.'s driveway the media flew
To see what came next in this circus-like zoo

With T.O. behind Drew we watched the whole spoof
The hemming and hawing of poor T.O.'s goof
As the media hollered in numbing congestion
Drew turned bright red and then answered "Next question!"

"He is sorry for all, he has now changed his stance
He just wants to be playing, please give him a chance"
An agent of ploys which were all heading south
With the crap he was peddling by opening his mouth

The lies, how they rankled, the question descended
"What have you done except get him suspended?"
Drew frowns like a man who has bad indigestion
Then repeats his answer, the famous "Next Question!"

The Eagles suspend him 4 games without pay
And then after suspension he still will not play
He hopes to save face as he waits with the nation
But cries like a girl when they lose arbitration

He's pissed off and mad, a right angry old jerk
And he freaks when Drew tells him he's now out of work
A cross with his right, and a hook with his left
Soon leaves Drew's strong jaw with a mean-looking cleft

Drew's down for the count, but T.O. is not done
He's still enraged like Atilla The Hun
He cracks all Drew's fingers and flattens his nose
And breaks all his bones from his head to his toes

He'll still get to play, some dumb team will soon whistle
But the day will soon come with T.O.'s next dismissal
To this team I exclaim, as his contract they write
"Crappy signing, you all, and get ready to fight!"
..........................................................................................................
Merry Christmas you all...and that's it, good night

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

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User Comments

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Rex - December 08, 2005 - Report this comment
This is awesome.
alvin rhodes - December 08, 2005 - Report this comment
well written
Red Ant - December 08, 2005 - Report this comment
I've only barely kept up on the all of the TO drama but enough so that I enjoyed this. Good stuff Dee.
John Barry - December 08, 2005 - Report this comment
Does TO have a sanity clause in his contract? Fine job, Dee.
stuart mcarthur - December 08, 2005 - Report this comment
yes, the details were lost on me Dee, but this whtat you'd call "a rattling good yarn", and the second line was perfection - 555
Rick C - December 08, 2005 - Report this comment
Tell it like it is, Dee. Great job on this. T.O. is an idiot. Great reciever but, wouldn't want him on my team. 555
Dee Range - December 08, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanks Rex, alvin, Red Ant, John Barry, Stu, and Rick C. for the votes and comments
Joseph - July 21, 2006 - Report this comment
555. Thank you for mentioning Drew Rosenwhateverthefhisnameis in this parody. He's the one to blame. Next comment.

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