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Song Parodies -> "Lack of Miracles"

Original Song Title:

"God of Miracles (ROS)"

Original Performer:

Helen Gleason

Parody Song Title:

"Lack of Miracles"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

During the last year of WW2 there was a frantic effort by German industry, Albert Speer, and the SS to get advanced technology produced in mass numbers to push back the Allies in the West, the Reds in the East, and both enemy ships and planes on the sea and in the air. For the sea they had the new electroboats Type XXI and Type XXIII. They were stealth masked with Opanol and Tarnmatte but the coatings proved vunerabel to sea water corrosion and had to be modified. The shipyards kept fabrication up even under intense bombing but only 2 U-boats of the Type XXI made it to sea before being ordered to surrender. In rocketry, Germany moved the V-2 onto a mobile launcher that was extremely difficult to find and launched V-1s from He-111 bombers... but they were not effective strategic weapons despite the tech inside. The A-9/A-10 ICBM was under construction to hit NYC but only the upper stage prototype was tested, the winged A-4b. The huge underground bunker for A-10 construction remained unfinished. The new He-162 jet fighter DID make it into brief combat but for only 3 weeks and with little fuel or ammo. Over 50 of them were at Leck, but only half were combat ready and only a few actually flew combat sorties- they killed 4 enemy fighters. The huge Horten stealth wing was under construction too, but just the tubular steel center section was fabricated. Goering ordered it too late in March 1945! And the German atomic bomb was not stopped due to Hitler's rejection of "Jewish Physics" but rather that the program was under-funded and more of a science project that had a head start but got bad graphite as an initial moderator, forcing the Germans to try heavy water and then in '44 they realized the mistake and tried to rapidly enrich their uranium stocks through gaseous diffusion and EM separation. The Big U-Bombe could not be built nor carried by any German bomber, but a small mini-nuke was being considered for special Me Bf 109K-4 aircraft, suicide SO Bf 109s that had special racks installed for the 880 lb weapon. The LW asked for delivery but the SS turned them away claiming that the bombs under construction were moved. Two radiologicals were under construction at Ohrdruf but were captured and destroyed. 5 V-2s were converted at Leese as D-2s for radiological warfare but were also scrapped. The German people held on to the "White Hopes" until Hitler's death was announced in Berlin. Even more advanced tech like flight discs, EM weaponry, advanced nerve gases, and even an attempt to build a quantum physics time machine (Die Glocke or Bell Device) all fell into Allied hands or disappeared mysteriously.
No Type XXIs fought at sea
Yet shipyards toiled night and day,
The hulls were not quite rubberized
Prefabrication oft delayed

No ICBM rocketry
Winged “Bastard”* was still in the works,
First stage’s bunker still exposed earth
Facilities burned like a torch

No new jet, HE 1-6-2
Nor huge stealth bomber Horten plane**
Messers and Fockes lead the fight
The odds against them quite insane

V-weapons early on amazed
The U-Bomb*** program had head start
Hitler wanted to rule the world
Delays, rejections… not too smart

[The Bell Device**** failed to take time apart]
* Winged "Bastard" was A-4b prototype upper stage of A-9/A-10 ICBM. ** huge stealth bomber Horten plane was the Ho-XVIIIB under construction. *** U-bomb was the German term for atomic bomb (Uranium Bomb). **** The Bell Device (aka Die Glocke) was a Zeitmaschine (Time Machine) guarded by the SS Technical Branch under SS General Hans Kammler. It was a quantum physics experiment that supposedly used liquid red mercury antimony mixed with something else radioactive to create a gravitic torsion field to tear a hole in spacetime and send instructions back to Hitler in the unmanned flight craft. Some others claim it was an anti-gravity propulsion system and others think it was for rapid enrichment of uranium through some hypertech process. The fact that it was tethered in tests and levitated means it was a flight craft of some type. The fact that its unknown rays crystallized human and animal life instantly with exposure with unusual cellular degradation means that for brief seconds the machine under full electric power of a nearby power station AND two rail loaded submarine diesels suggests that it was phasing in and out of time. Those caught in that field died instantly and essentially dissolved unnaturally. No uranium enrichment and not merely a propulsion system. The SS teams used German quantum physics, Tesla's captured works, German metaphysics, and SS advanced German engineering for that project. It remains an enigma and is unaccounted for.

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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.3
How Funny: 3.3
Overall Rating: 3.3

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

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    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   3
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   4

User Comments

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Rob Arndt - May 15, 2013 - Report this comment
Type XXI U-boat:
Rare shot of A-4B "Bastard" lying on its side:
Horten XVIIIB art:
proposed German nuke (1942 design):

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