Ben: Seems a downright shame"
Ben: Seems an awful waste. Such a nice plump frame Adam Fane has. Had. Has. Nor it can't be traced. Business needs a lift. Revenge to be taken. Think of it as thrift, as a gift, if you get my drift. No? Seems an awful waste. I mean, with how bad of an actor he is, when he's cast, which is always.
Ben: Good you got it. Take for instance his role as Skimbleshanks. Couldn't hold the note right and he still gets praise. As a result the audience needs a clue. But nevertheless what they need is people like us. Those who take things seriously, aren't prima donnas, and aren't jerks.
Joe: My friend, what a charming notion!
Ben: They'll get what they deserve and we'll be on top eventually.
Joe: Eminently practical and yet appropriate as always! Ben Ritchie, how I've lived without you all these years I'll never know.
Ben: Mr. V, I'm glad you agree, I'm a good influence, aren't I?
Joe: How choice! How rare! For what's the sound on the stage up there?
Ben: What, Mr. V, what Mr. V, what is that sound?
Joe: Those off-key screeches pervading the air!
Ben: Yes, Mr. V, yes, Mr. V, yes, all around!
Joe: It's actors killing each role, my friend!
Both: But don't you worry, it soon will all end
Ben: (Chuckles) So true, Mr. V
Joe: As Todd would say, Ben. These are desperate times, Ben. And desperate measures are called for
Ben: And as Mrs. Lovett would say "Here we are. Hot from the oven." Pulls out Adam's head in the shape of a pie.
Joe: (Looks at the head) Hmm...I see where you're going at with this, but what do you suggest? We can't kill Adam and make him into a pie
Ben: (smiles) It's Fane. Have a little Fane.
Joe: How do I do that?
Ben: Then at least humiliate him. There again, he does it to himself.
Joe: (Looks around) He's really quite a twerp
Ben: (sings) Let the twerp carry on.
Joe: Instead of Fane, haven't you got Peterman or someone like that?
Ben: No, you see the trouble with Peterman is that he may someday get a clue. Try the Fane.
Joe: (Tastes it) Hmm...
Ben: Well, Mr. V
Joe: (Smiles) Dumbly. As in A-dumb
Ben: (Cackles in laughter)
Joe: Not as smart as Aaron perhaps
Ben: And very filling. Always leaves you wanting more.
Ben: Trouble is, it's hard to get.
Joe: Who else you have in mind?
Ben: Kline is rather nice
Joe: If he’s for the price
Ben: Try something else though to follow since no one should swallow it twice.
Joe: Anything with dork?
Ben: Well if you're British and loyal you might enjoy Caitlin Borek. Anyway, it's clean. Although she's done too many blowjobs for her own good.
Joe: I see celery with Ellery
Ben: Mercy no sir, you’ll notice it’s worser. Look closer
Joe: Looks dyin’, more like Nyren
Ben: No it has to be grosser, it's Ball.
Joe: Ah-ha! Carolyn!
Ben: (Shrieks) Exactly, sir!
Joe: (Smiles) The history of the world, my friend!
Ben: Save a lot of graves, do a lot of critics favors
Joe: Is all those favorites going up on top!
Ben: And what’s better than taking them down?
Joe: How gratifying for once to tell, that all of West High will soon be down in Hell!!!
Ben: Now, let’s see…how about Letzer?
Joe: Mmm…something leoper.
Ben: Although she was not at West, Hawks?
Ben: Lovely bit of (cowers at use of name ) Hanna
Joe: Maybe for banana
Ben: Let's think, we'll make it cheap, then it would be Heidi. Try Mr. Arko. Peak of his career, or lack thereof.
Joe: He looks pretty tall
Ben: Well, he was Deuteronomy, what do you expect? Played an old character though.
Joe: (Smiles) Oh, no. That wasn't Joe. That Scott Zinzer. He was not Scott. He was HOT! (Cracks laughing)
Ben: (Smiles) My apologies. Well, he ate, so much that that's why he's tall. Would hit his head on the wall.
Joe: (Laughs) The history of the world, my bud!
Ben: Try Hayworth-Weste, he tastes like chicken.
Joe: Soon enough, my lips will be lickin’!
Ben: And what about Miss Madeja, how ‘bout a stew with her in it?
Joe: And we will never ever stop.
Both: We'll drink them all down with a glass of pop!!!!!
Ben: Since Schultz doesn't satisfy you, how ‘bout Schluntz?
Joe: No, too high a voice. I think I would prefer a good lock down with Lockman.
Ben: With or without his privates? With is extra. (cackles and produces something from oven)
Joe: What’s that one?
Ben: It's Watkins. Have you ever seen her? Can't carry a voice, but perhaps she was pretty. And I’ve Just begun. Here's Mr. Herren, he's so oily he's served with a doily, want him?
Joe: No, thanks. He looks too gay and really too chim.
Ben: Try the Meyer, fried, it's dryer.
Joe: No, the Scatterday, has too much, she is a chatterday
Ben: Then Brunelle, I'm sure that's swell.
Joe: Ah, but she's nothing compared to Kruger. I'll come again when you have Botkin on the menu
Ben: Wait, we don't have Botkin yet, but will you settle for the next best thing?
Joe: What’s that?
Ben: Elizabeth Gust.
Joe: Have charity towards the world, my pal!
Ben: Yes, yes, I know, my friend.
Joe: We'll take these actors, and send them in mail!
Ben: Stuck up or not, my friend.
Joe: We'll not Just ruin the tiny or tall. No, we'll ruin all of them.
Both: I mean, all of them! And to all of them at West!!!!!