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Song Parodies -> "Leviticus, it's Batshit Crazy"

Original Song Title:

"Lydia, The Tattooed Lady"

Original Performer:

Groucho Marx

Parody Song Title:

"Leviticus, it's Batshit Crazy"

Parody Written by:

Phil Alexander

The Lyrics

"I wouldn't read Leviticus if I were you. No one else does." - Skeptics Annotated Bible

Having decided to write this parody, I read all 27 chapters of Leviticus: I knew bits of it before, but had never realized just how much of it is devoted to sacrificing animals. Which animals, which bits of animals, how to burn which bits of animals, chapter after chapter of it - the Lord must love a barbecue.

The original song
Ah, the OT brings back memories
Deuteronomy! Exodus! Genesis!
But there's one book that takes the biscuit:
It's called Leviticus
People use it to justify all sorts of prejudices
But hardly anyone reads it


It is the most surreal section of the book
Sin! Sacrifice! Unclean!!!! Best take a look...

Leviticus, Leviticus
Have you read Leviticus?
Leviticus is batshit crazy
"And the Lord called unto Moses.."
To impose his odd psychosis

[Le]-viticus, Leviticus
Must have been a twiticus
Leviticus, the weirdest of books
So many descriptions surreally precise
Of how the Lord wants ritual sacrifice
The smell of burnt flesh
He must think rather nice
If you read what's in Leviticus

La la la La la la
La la la La la la

It'll give you a view of those sins to eschew
Though it's very rarely rational
And soon you'll have learnt just how bullocks are burnt
And what is abominational

La la la La la la
La la la La la la

Leviticus, Leviticus, have you read Leviticus?
Leviticus, so batshit crazy
It says the Lord truly abhors
Birds that walk upon all fours
Leviticus, Leviticus, the silly nitwiticus
Leviticus, the chump of them all

Abominations abound in the fowls:
The eagle, the ossifrage and the great owls
It also says "bat" - don't get that in your bowels
'Cause it says so in Leviticus

La la la La la la
La la la La la la

Nakedness of father should not be uncovered
Nor mother, nor daughter, nor sister, nor brother
Nor father's wife's daughter & so on, et cetera
Of people you cannot lie with: a plethora

La la la La la la
La la la La la la

Wizard or witch with an idol or pentacle
Burn 'em to death! Ain't it oh, so nonsensical?
Five-year-old girls with pigtails and freckles
Thy price on them shall be ten shekels

La la la La la la
La la la La la la

Leviticus, Leviticus, the bloodthirsty giticus
Leviticus, you'll kill off them all
One holy chap now has no family left
Some small misdemeanours, so now he's bereft
He took it all lit'rally and stoned 'em to death
For he went and read Leviticus

Read Leviticus!
Read Leviticus

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.1
How Funny: 3.1
Overall Rating: 3.1

Total Votes: 13

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   6
 2   0
 3   0
 4   1
 5   6

User Comments

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Justice for Jews - April 30, 2014 - Report this comment
Sad to notice Anti-Semitism is still alive. 111
Phil Alexander - April 30, 2014 - Report this comment
I must hate myself, then. If you think pointing out the insanity that is the book of Leviticus counts as antisemitism, you're every bit as crazy yourself. Have you read it? (no, I didn't think so) If you actually had any desire for "justice" (rather than pretending to, just so that you can make a snarky comment in a disingenuous attempt to justify the same votes you've been handing out on all my parodies recently), you'd apologize for a nasty and unfounded slur. But I won't hold my breath.
Phil Alexander sucks off Satan - April 30, 2014 - Report this comment
Nice bit of hypocrisy coming from you, the same commie fool who worships the PPACA as his holy writ, even though he's never read any of it; but then, neither did any of the commie traitor parasites who wrote it.
Phil Alexander - April 30, 2014 - Report this comment
I'm not sure I've seen a sentence with quite so many lies written about me in one go.. Obviously honesty isn't one of your strong points. Or intelligence. I'd give up trying at being insulting, if I were you: you're not very good at it.

@ Phil - April 30, 2014 - Report this comment
Phil: You worship the PPACA as your holy writ? I presume you've either moved to America or you've got a nutcase stalker.
John Jenkins - April 30, 2014 - Report this comment
OK, Phil, you hit a sore spot with some of us. But, of course, that is what parodies are all about. I have to admit that I, too, have some issues/questions about Leviticus; but, when taken in context with the rest of the Bible, particularly the New Testament, it serves a purpose. Giticus is not in my dictionary, but it seems like a good Dr. Seuss-type word, so no points deducted for that. 4s from me.
Hmmm - April 30, 2014 - Report this comment
Leviticus?..isn't that a medication for erectile dysfunction?
@ @ Phil - April 30, 2014 - Report this comment
We all know who the nutjob is. He does the same to everyone else who's ever dared to disagree with him. Phil should do the site a favor, report him to Chuck and get him banned.
Phil Alexander - April 30, 2014 - Report this comment
@@Phil - Until just now, I hadn't even bothered googling just what PPACA stands for - truly bizarre.

JJ - before writing this parody, I read every single word in Leviticus.. I do find it hard to conceive how anyone could take it in context with anything else to serve a purpose (with the possible exception of an altar-based barbecue cookbook - it doesn't half go on about sacrificing & burning stuff, sprinkling the blood around etc.)... but each to his own.. I'm guessing your dictionary doesn't have "nitwiticus" in, either :-)

Hmmm - I'm sure it's a spell that Harry Potter will find most useful in a few decades
Phil Alexander - April 30, 2014 - Report this comment
@ @ @ Phil - We don't *know*. We can suspect, with a reasonable probability. It would be interesting to compare the IP addresses of votes, comments and parody submissions (not that it would be conclusive, either - without leaving this seat, I could post from half a dozen different IP addresses and twice as many machines.. but not everyone wants to go/is capable of going through that kind of hassle)
Friend - April 30, 2014 - Report this comment
Phil -- With reasonable probability, the nut job would have exploded if you had written a parody about The Book of Numbers.
Claude Prez - April 30, 2014 - Report this comment
This is great! Classic Phil
Holy Harry - April 30, 2014 - Report this comment
Oh, Lord of the tempest and the thunder, strike down this sinner, as thou did thine enemies of old in the days of the Pharaohs! Let him know the terror of thy sword! Let his soul, for all eternity, writhe in anguish and damnation!

All of you know what I stand for - what I believe! I believe in the truth of the Book of Genesis! Exodus! Leviticus! Numbers! Deuteronomy! Joshua! Judges! Ruth! First Samuel! Second Samuel! First Kings! Second Kings! Isaiah! Jeremiah! Lamentations! Ezekiel! Chucky!...
@@@Phil - April 30, 2014 - Report this comment
I don't know who the nutjob is. There are so many on the site now that Trogs and reactionaries have pretty much taken over.
Susanna Viljanen - May 01, 2014 - Report this comment
Fives. While I do have Abrahamic undergrowth in my family tree, none of them have followed kashrut and taken halakha or the 365 prohibitions and 248 commands of the Torah seriously. I agree Leviticus is one of the more insane books of the Bible., but it is nowhere as near genocidal as the of Book of Joshua.
Phil Alexander - May 01, 2014 - Report this comment
:-) Thanks all

Hi Claude - good to see you around

Holy Harry - I've already asked him to give that a try, back in 2003. Still waiting :)

@@@@Phil - they'll only take over if we let them: it's why, even though I find the stupidity a bit wearing at times, I'm not letting 'em get to me. And there's always songwriting inspiration to be gleaned (for purely numerical reasons, it's not going to be my next parody submission, but the one after)

Susanna - I can guarantee that even the most orthodox of my relatives don't follow everything in Leviticus.. I don't think anybody does.
Max Power - May 01, 2014 - Report this comment
Good to see some from maybe WBC popping up to show why religions tends to receive negative reputations.
Anon - May 05, 2014 - Report this comment
This is just bad...

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