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Song Parodies -> "Bullet Train to Tokyo"

Original Song Title:

"Chattanooga Choo-Choo"

Original Performer:

Glenn Miller Orchestra

Parody Song Title:

"Bullet Train to Tokyo"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Something lighter today. OS is the classic Glenn Miller Orchestra version, the timeless highlight of 1941's 'Sun Valley Serenade', starring Norwegian Olympian ice-skate queen Sonja Henie and John Payne. The inimitable Tex Benneke (also a ranking tenor-sax soloist) croons the vocal lead, aided by Paula Kelly and those 'fancy harmonizin' ' Modernaires. Then half the song is reprised by Dorothy Dandridge and the Nicholas Brothers for a tap-dancing finale. I've taken advantage of this to parody the song in two parts.
Trivia: this song received the first-ever Gold Record status. Watch the movie clip here. (Not to be missed. They don't make 'em like that anymore! It's a little outta sync., unfortunately)

(Colleagues:) Hi LL, what you say?
(LL:) Suck it up, losers. It's my day!
Bend an ear and listen to my version
Of a really sordid shinkansen excursion

(Me:) Sumi masen, is that the bullet train to Tokyo?
(Platform attendant:) Hai hai! Queen of the line, look at her silvery shine
(Me:) Soon be aboard, speed past the temple rooves of Kyoto
(Platform attendant:) She'll get you there
In just a three-hour affair

(Me:) You leave the Shin Osaka station, soundless glide of the door
Read your Murakami and count ricefields by the score
(Waitress:) Sushi in the diner, drink a glass of wine or
({Hetero}male passengers:) Kirin lager served by long-leg girls, none finer

(Me:) When you hear the chime and silky voice in the car
Then you know that Yokohama's not very far
(Gorgeous tour guide:) Watch for noble Fuji
Snow-capped cone a huge-y
(All:) Woo-hoo, Tokyo Skytree, there you are

(Me:) There's gonna be
Exotic beauty at the station
Kimono grace
(Exotic beauty:) With cherry-pink on my face
(Me:) She's gonna smile
After I tell her how I like her comb
(Exotic beauty & I:):) Bye, silver shinkansen
(Me:) Honey, chuu-chuu me home

Like a bullet, like a bullet (she's adored)
Engine pull it, cannot cool it (brought my sword)
You can't fool it, eye-pull-wool it
How about a little chuu-chuu
As we hit the futon-foam
That a Luger? Wooooo-hooooo

(Two days later)

(Me:) Pardon my noise (She: Hai hai)
(Me:) How about another chuu-chuu?
(She: That's the twenty-ninth damn chuu-chuu! Number twenty-nine!
(Me:) Twenty nine? (She:) Uh-huh!
(Me:) Well, I could go one more time
(She:) I said I'm drawing the line, Jack.
Anyway, you can't afford …
(Me:) Swear I'm not bored
To board you for another chuu-chuu
(She:) What have you got in there?
(Me:) Hung like a bear!
(She:) Why so you are!
(Me:) Uh huh, with plenty chuu-chuu to spare!
(She:) Well, I do declare!

(Me:) We started fornication at a quarter to four
Take a little snooze and then I'm up for some more
Dinner in her diner, like a lux'ry liner
Asia major beats the hell out Asia minor
Slip downstairs, across the lobby, straight to the bar
Pack my bag and hail a taxi, jump in the car
No, I didn't pay 'er, guess it's just not fay-er
Phew, whew, train returner, there you are
Aaargh! Armed exotic beauty, don't shoot! Aaaah!
* Shinkansen - bullet train
* Sumi masen - excuse me
* Haruki Murakami - Japan's most internationally acclaimed contemporary novelist, specializing in surreal first-person mysteries with supernatural plot twists. If you haven't read any of his books, time to get started, like now!
* Kirin lager - a popular Japanese beer, though most of my friends prefer 'Asahi Dry'. To me, beer is beer (except for Bud)
*Tokyo SkyTree - opened in 2012, and at 634m (2,080 feet), the world's tallest tower and the 2nd tallest man-made structure, according to Wikipedia
* chuu-chuu - Japanese baby-slang, roughly 'pucker up' or 'nyum-nyum' - I'm sure you get the idea

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.6
Overall Rating: 4.4

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   1
 3   0
 4   0
 5   6

User Comments

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Susanna Viljanen - March 25, 2013 - Report this comment
Yoshi! I would like one day to run one of those bullet trains, such as the Tokaido line, which runs next to sea. But you just ran that particular line on your song!
John Barry - March 25, 2013 - Report this comment
Miller and Bud in the same great parody. But calling Bud beer is like calling turpentine fine wine.
Al Silver - March 25, 2013 - Report this comment
1. I like you choices of original songs. 2. I like your encouragement and constructive criticism. Ditto for OMR. 3. I dislike prefaces and footnotes. I don't like the corruption of lyrics by the insertion of singing roles. 4. I hate the accent on the wrong syl-LA-ble, unless you're singing a tropical song. 5. Thank you for not giving us the specs of the Junkers J-52. 6. I always had a dream that someday I'd be on a train platform where there was a Tennessee-bound train and a bunch of porters. I'd approach them and ask, "Pardon me, boys. Is this the Chattanooga choo-choo?" 7. Track 555.
John Lomain - March 25, 2013 - Report this comment
funny stuff here in this parody
Lifeliver - March 25, 2013 - Report this comment
Thanks folks, especially your balanced, measured comments, Al. Re. prefaces and footnotes, the former is just a chance to express myself about music I love and hopefully can turn other people on to, especially the younger visitors who may appreciate some background. As for footnotes, sometimes the more obscure references merit an explanation.

Setting up a dialogue sometimes gives the humor a boost, I think, though it may be more difficult to follow in writing. As the same thing was done in the OS, I thought I'd go with it. Nonetheless, on reflection, the second part is probably a bit silly.
AFW - March 26, 2013 - Report this comment
Sexy and interesting conversion to a nice old classic.
Dave W. - March 26, 2013 - Report this comment
I'm on board just for the beer... but What a trip!
Lifeliver - March 26, 2013 - Report this comment
AFW, Dave - thanks and glad you enjoyed the Nip, er, trip.

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