Extensively remodelled, now I'm mostly artific-ial
My use of plastic surgery is somewhat injudic-ial
I used to have a navel, but it's now a dimple fac-ial
My nose became a duplex when it used to be palat-ial
I've paid a lot of moolah for my surgeon to eradicate
My cellulite, my crow's feet and the many other bits I hate
That Lopez woman came along and made me feel inferior
But now she can't compete with my inflatable posterior!

ALL:
That J-Lo slut may have a butt, but your ass is sup-rear-ior! (x3)

My chest has been implanted with the finest Chinese sili-cone
There's so much hardware in there I can use them as a telephone
With my remote I make them rotate; they are rather spec-ial
From top to toe, a plastic ho and mostly artific-ial

ALL:
Beneath the flesh and blood she is pneumatic and electrical
From top to toe, a plastic ho and mostly artific-ial!

My husband made a killing selling weaponry and alcohol
His fortune has been squandered on his loving Frankenbarbie doll
I shine at formal functions, meeting actors, kings and heads of state
And none of them would guess I haven't blinked since 1988
I've studied the collected works of Moore, Electra, Anderson
I've used a form of Botox that was siphoned from a panda's bum
There isn't a procedure on this earth I wouldn't contemplate
And I'd drool over fashion mags if only I could salivate

ALL:
She would drool over fashion mags if only she could salivate! (x3)

Well I've been nipped and tucked more times than f***ed in case you're unaware
I've got the features of a child; some little kid from Delaware
My use of plastic surgery is somewhat injudic-ial
Extensively remodelled, now I'm mostly artific-ial

ALL:
Her use of plastic surgery is somewhat injudic-ial
Extensively remodelled, now she's mostly artific-ial!

I used to be gargantuan; a fleshy, flabby behemoth
And so I had to have my stomach stapled; now fresh air's enough
The ordinary riff raff may think I've been treated heinously
Because when out to lunch, I take my first course intravenously
I tried to give it up, but after 3 days I began again
I've got a job in retail: I'm a department store mannequin
I never fly because my ears fall off when I'm at altitude
I want a custom facial transplant like that John Travolta dude
I'll be a gem, crème de la crème, perfection anatomical
Six mill it's costin': like Steve Austin, sexy and bionical!

ALL:
Six mill it's costin': like Steve Austin, sexy and bionical! (x3)

If you have seen a facelift, the procedure's quite draconian
But I'll endure any pain to end up M. Jacksonian
It has been said I'm off my head, but now it is offic-ial
Extensively remodelled and completely artyou know the rest!

ALL:
A two-for-one on tits and bums; the offer is conditional
So go and get remodelled, and be fully artific-ial!!!