As someday it may happen a new version will go out
I've got a little list, I've got a little list
Of some essential features that we cannot do without
They all have to exist, oh yes, they must exist

There's cut and paste and email and 3D shades of grey
And interfaced appointments with the MD's PDA
There's lots of little shortcuts that will help you when you work
And some annoying "features" that will drive you clean berserk
Like animated paper-clips intended to assist
None of them should be missed! They've all got to exist

[Chorus]
He's got 'em on the list — he's got 'em on the list;
And none of them should be missed, none of 'em should be missed


A feature to save energy - the world is running short
Environmentalist — that must be on the list!
New dialogs with options of "Ignore, Retry, Abort"
Now that's a novel twist.. I've got 'em on the list

The hidden little "easter egg" that nobody can find
You've seen it once but searching's gonna drive you out your mind
The new data migration tool that outputs XML
With no defining spec, if it is right, no one can tell
So now it's lunchtime, should I get it working, or get pissed?
I don't think I'd be missed — I'm sure I'd not he missed!

[Chorus]
He's gone out to get pissed, yes he's gone out to get pissed
And he really won't be missed, no he really won't be missed


It needs a brand new help file 'cause the current one's passé
(An archaeologist has put that on the list)
That has to auto-update to the website twice a day
That update can't be missed - that's why it's on the list

This feature list has one more extra "feature", by the way
That all of these new features are required yesterday
But with only one programmer there's one thing that is true:
The task of writing all these things is going to fall on you
But it really doesn't matter what they put upon the list,
For they never will exist - no, they never will exist

[Chorus]
You may put 'em on the list — you may put 'em on the list;
But they never will exist - no, they never will exist