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Song Parodies -> "I Am the People's Pref'rence for the Perfect Surgeon General"

Original Song Title:

"I Am the Very Model of the Modern Major-General"

Original Performer:

Gilbert & Sullivan

Parody Song Title:

"I Am the People's Pref'rence for the Perfect Surgeon General"

Parody Written by:

Leo Keough

The Lyrics

Finally - seven down, done!
I am the people's pref'rence for the perfect Surgeon General
I have solutions practical, enjoyable, affordable
I know the stings of illness, and I fight the plights inimical
From parasites to common flu, and others quite deplorable

I 'm very well acquainted too with chatter antithetical
I disregard complainers who are simply hypercritical
I tout my many theories, I'm teeming with a lot o' news
As many fearful clinics shout about the gains they stand to lose

As many fearful clinics shout about the gains they stand to lose
As many fearful clinics shout about the gains they stand to lose
As many fearful clinics shout about the gains they stand to lose

I'm very good at integrating diff'rent ways to make you well
I know the scientific names of ev'ry pharmaceutical
In short, I back the practical, enjoyable, affordable
I am the people's pref'rence for the perfect Surgeon General

In short, he backs the practical, enjoyable, affordable
He is the people's pref'rence for the perfect Surgeon General

I know the Hippocratic oath, the promise pledged by all the doc's
My answer for your red spots is a simple cure for chicken pox
I note in words prosaic how to deal with piles and chronic lupus
My tonics serve to treat the pain and heartbreak of psoriasis

I can tell your doubts ring out about C. Ev'rett Koop and company
I know you've joked about the fear of clogs that fill your arteries
But I have come to prove the pitch imported from a distant shore
And disabuse the errant thoughts of learned men who came before

And disabuse the errant thoughts of learned men who came before
And disabuse the errant thoughts of learned men who came before
And disabuse the errant thoughts of learned men who came before

Now I can 'scribe a magic pill in cursive strokes that won't confuse you
And tell you ev'ry detail of the regimen you must adhere to
In short, I back the practical, enjoyable, affordable
I am the people's pref'rence for the perfect Surgeon General

In short, he backs the practical, enjoyable, affordable
He is the people's pref'rence for the perfect Surgeon General

So if, in fact, you want a drink, by all means order up again
And if you want to toke a smoke, on my advise, 'twould be no sin
And dalliance at parties should be nothing to be wary of
No fear of STD's and such, no fear about the dreaded glove

Since I have learnt what progress has been made in modern medicine
And I see no good reason to abstain from meat and tater skins
In short, since I've been advocating medical hypocrisy
You'll say no better Surgeon General had ever sat but me

You'll say no better Surgeon General had ever sat but me
You'll say no better Surgeon General had ever sat but me
You'll say no better Surgeon General had ever sat but me

For my most contrary knowledge, though, I'm lucky to be practicin'
You won't believe the lawsuits I am facing till the facts are in
But still, I back the practical, enjoyable, affordable
I am the people's pref'rence for the perfect Surgeon General

But still, he backs the practical, enjoyable, affordable
He is the people's pref'rence for the perfect Surgeon General!

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 5

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   2
 0
 1
 
 5   3
 5
 4
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Timmy1000 - December 08, 2008 - Report this comment
Wow - and after doing Shakespeare - Leo, you are really adding to the "class" of this parody site. I never would have expected to see this song.
Stan Hall - December 08, 2008 - Report this comment
Leo, I noted a number of pacing bumps, and end rhymes really should be (at least) trisyllabic, but very funny and overall a fine effort.
Timmy1000 -- AAMOF, lots and lots of of good (and not quite so good) MG parodies have appeared here at AmIRight. Use the sites "Search" tool to find'em either by song title or under Gilbert And Sullivan (or similar) as Original Artist. If you like the song, I'm sure you'll love many of the parodies. :-)
Andria - December 08, 2008 - Report this comment
The Surgeon General is my favorite federal-government official, thanks to the fact that he/she never actually performs surgery but is still called a surgeon anyway and because one of them (I don't remember who) set the pace on exposing the dangers of smoking. The pacing was fair but needed a little improvement, but it was funny nonetheless, resulting in a 4-5-4 vote from me.
John Jenkins - December 08, 2008 - Report this comment
I have to agree with Stan Hall. This is not your best, Leo, but there are several good lines particularly the "practicin'/facts are in" couplet. And you are to be commended for your body of work as a whole and for achieving the Big 7 milestone so quickly.
Leo Keough - December 09, 2008 - Report this comment
Thanks for the feedback. It would be most helpful to me for future reference if someone would point out specifically which parts of this parody have defective pacing.
Red Ant - December 09, 2008 - Report this comment
I think this parody is better than my take on C. Everett Koop. The pacing is very good: only problems I had were pronouncing "chronic lupus" and the "confuse you/adhere to" couplets - the stresses fall on the penultimate syllable instead of the antipenultimate syllable as in the original (and everywhere else in the parody). Nice job with the internal rhymes here, Leo.
Timmy1000 - December 09, 2008 - Report this comment
Stan - thanks for the tip. I haven't been on the site long but I just did a search and I see a bunch of G&S. Yours was quite ingenious - parody instruction with the song. I have to work on my vocab. Give me a few years and I'll get the research done as there is lots to do.
Stan Hall - December 09, 2008 - Report this comment
Leo -- I hope you won’t find this detailed response re my pacing plaint toooo annoying/insulting/pedantic/etc, but FWIW and because you asked (and because this is otherwise a very good parody) ... these are the bits I found particularly difficult AS WRITTEN to torque into the OS meter AS SUNG:

The following lines each include an awkward leading syllable that, might be neutralized (analogously to your apostrophic syllable elision in "... C. Ev'rett Koop") merely by parenthesizing its first word to clearly indicate that it should be sung as a "grace note" before the line's iambic string, or ...

I can tell your doubts ring out about C. Ev'rett Koop and company
-- might be rewritten ..
I hear your doubts ring out about C. Ev'rett Koop and company

- and -

For my most contrary knowledge, though, I'm lucky to be practicin'
-- might be rewritten ..
With my contrary knowledge, though, I'm lucky to be practicin'

Two other lines that include an extra trailing syllable, complicated by distorted stresses, were a bit more troublesome and I might reeingineer the involved couplets to match the OS meter (and, as a bonus, match its trisyllabic end rhyme pattern) something like this:

I note in words prosaic how to deal with piles and chronic lupus
My tonics serve to treat the pain and heartbreak of psoriasis
-- might be rewritten ...
My tonics serve to treat the pain and heartbreak of psoriasis
and I can do the surgery it takes to make a guy a "Miss ...
(your "heartbreak of psoriasis" line is just too good to not preserve, but no minor mods I tried would make "chronic lupus" work)

-and -

Now I can 'scribe a magic pill in cursive strokes that won't confuse you
And tell you ev'ry detail of the regimen you must adhere to

-- might be rewritten ...
Now I can 'scribe a magic pill in cursive strokes quite legible
and dietary dicta readily allegiance-plegeable
(which essentially preserves what I understood to be the your lines' sense re doctors' proverbially bad handwriting and "regimens")

Sorry! Sorry! No one's more aware than I that I tend to wax insufferably nitpicky re IATVMOAMMG, or that my own takes on it violate in varying degrees what I see as its "rules for perfection" -- minimally, strict adherence to iambic octameter sans any distortive pronunciations, trisyllabic end rhymes (_ideally_ also matching the OS's own), and a sonnetic metaform wherein the third section answers a proposition the first two set forth. As it's a personal favorite parody target, I just really like to see it well-tackled. Alas, AIR's censorial plasticity, even at its laxest, can't accommodate what I think my own best MG effort, a paean to an almost perfect ... er. "marital aid." Oh well, WTF. :-)
Red Ant - December 09, 2008 - Report this comment
Great and informative comment, Stan. I would have to disagree with "With my contrary knowledge, though, I'm lucky to be practicin' " being a better scan over the original lyrics. Funny, but in all the times I've read the lyrics and heard the Doyle O Carte PoP performance (1967 version, I think), until now I never realized the original line of "For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury" contains 17 syllables... Leo's line works quite well over that.
Stan Hall - December 09, 2008 - Report this comment
Red Ant -- right you are abou the 17 syllables. I suppose the 1st one gets lost in the songs generally heavy-handed sing-songiness. As it happens, I've a D'Oyly Carte CD of "Pirates ..." right here on my office shelf and your comment inspires me to pull it down and give MG a listen for "military" vs. "milit'ry"

Here's an interesting tidbi .. in both its print and electronic versions, my Merriam & Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, 11th Edition, syllbifies the word "military" as "mil-i-tary," i. e., giving 3 syllables, while the entry's prounciation guide shows the full four syllables one would expect. The M&W online dictionary does precisely the same. OTOH, the word's entry at www.dictionary.com accords 4 syllables both in the entry itself and in pronuciation guide.
I guess, then, with selective referential refereeing, one can make the line 17 or 16 sylables at will. ;-)

PS Personally, I'd give "military" 4 syllables any day. :-)
Agrimorfee - December 10, 2008 - Report this comment
Millitary ("mill-a-tree") is just like saying Masonary ( "may-son-ree"), in the long run. :)
Agrimorfee - December 10, 2008 - Report this comment
Oh, and good job Leo K. Stan's pretty spot on in his essay, but I have no big issues about the pacing or humor here...555.

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