I am the very model of a doctor holographical.
I’ve information ethical and tactical and medical.
I’ve treated sentient beings in my voyages galactical
From Bolian to Vidiian, in order alphabetical.

I’m very well acquainted, too, with processes authorical.
My novel was terrific, though my friends they were quite skeptical.
My agent let the story out and Janeway, she was really pissed.
They said I am not sentient but I have the rights of an artist.

They said he was not sentient but he has the rights of an artist.
They said he was not sentient but he has the rights of an artist.
They said he was not sentient but he has the rights of an artist.

I sometimes have the power to ignore the captain’s countermands.
And if the crew’s in trouble then I’ll take emergency command.
In short, in matters ethical, and tactical, and medical,
I am the very model of a doctor holographical.

In short, in matters ethical, and tactical, and medical,
He is the very model of a doctor holographical.

In the social graces I instructed dear Seven of Nine.
Of her, I have deep feelings and I know that she is my sunshine.
My offers sometimes go ignored, but I think they are really great.
(It might just be my tendency to excesi’vly pontificate.)

If you state the nature of the medical emergency
The EMH will help you (not forgetting models Two and Three)
I often can be pompous and my antics sometimes do annoy
On more than one occasion, I have imitated Doc McCoy.

On more than one occasion, he has imitated Doc McCoy.
On more than one occasion, he has imitated Doc McCoy.
On more than one occasion, he has imitated Doc McCoy.

I dressed up like a priest and served the villagers of Fair Haven.
I beamed across the galaxy to save old Doctor Zimmerman.
In short, in matters ethical, and tactical, and medical,
I am the very model of a doctor holographical.

In short, in matters ethical, and tactical, and medical,
He is the very model of a doctor holographical.

In fact, I can sing opera flamboyantly with great gusto.
I dreamed of stopping Tuvok while ad-libbing Verdi’s Rig’letto.
I hid in Seven’s body and ingested too much drink and food.
And fantasized of painting her while she posed for me, nearly nude.

I learned about bereavement when my holographic daughter died.
I held my wife and teenage son and we all grieved by her bedside.
I serve the Federation and I loyally do all I can
I aided the Mark 2 and saved their starship from the Romulans.

He aided the Mark 2 and saved their starship from the Romulans.
He aided the Mark 2 and saved their starship from the Romulans.
He aided the Mark 2 and saved their starship from the Romulans.

Through all the years I traveled, I surpassed my capabilities
And proved to my creator of my many versatilities.
But still, in matters ethical, and tactical, and medical,
I am the very model of a doctor holographical.

But still, in matters ethical, and tactical, and medical,
He is the very model of a doctor holographical.