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Song Parodies -> "The Major Artery Song"

Original Song Title:

"The Major General's Song"

Original Performer:

Gilbert & Sullivan

Parody Song Title:

"The Major Artery Song"

Parody Written by:

Ethan Mawyer

The Lyrics

Oh damn your broken bottle that just got a major artery
The blood I had inside me will no longer be part of me
Right now ammonia drinking does not qualify as dangerous
No marathon or bed of nails can help a person train for this
You’re gonna need an agent that can remove messes from the floor
Don’t hope for my salvation I will meet my end like Dumbledore
But my eternal sleep is something that won’t swiftly occur
I’ll survive through this act since that is the way of theater
I quite enjoy attention and I plan to get a lot of that
I won’t receive another chance since alas I am not a cat
If I was more religious then your blow would have martyred me
Oh damn your broken bottle that just got a major artery

The problem is no mystery, my brain’s deprived of oxygen
I will not walk on carpets with my shoes or just my socks again
I know I will not be back to the place for which I still owe rent
It’s not a comfy floor can somebody please have a pillow sent?
Now like Rodney Dangerfield I feel like no one is respecting me
Is it not bad enough to be dying so unexpectedly?
I’m floating in a fog as if my given name was Phineas
And still nobody cares about my fate that’s so sanguineous
But pay no mind that what has spilled might appear rather ketchupy
It’s just as real as you are and has made a dying wretch of me
If someone had a stretcher then I think they would cart off me
Oh damn your broken bottle that just got a major artery

The rest of your own existence should be marred by much suffering
Your online music files should always be in states of buffering
May you meet girls from Myspace that turn out to be older men
May your heat blast all summer and turn off when it gets cold again
May your home be infested by disgusting rats and gnats and flies
Yes I hope you get fired and you’ll have to prepare fat kids’ fries
Important men who matter should go to your house and laugh at you
Or maybe what you did will leave your bar with just a staff of two
I feel that the end is nearing it’s a common sense theatrical
To live past this last song would mean that I have powers magical
I don’t and you’ve undone me so the guilt should pain you horrible
Oh damn your broken bottle that just got a major artery

( Curtain )

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 4.6
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   7

User Comments

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alvin - May 13, 2008 - Report this comment
contains the fine pacing and clever rhyming required for the OS...nice job
littleCupCakes - May 13, 2008 - Report this comment
Sir, this is so Shakespearian!! I love it, though it professes a dismal ending; it contains such a Lilting poetic justice . . . very nice!
Ethan - May 13, 2008 - Report this comment
Thanks alvin and lilcupcakes. The end is a bit sad for a parody, but severed major arteries tend not to end well. Also, I noticed that I made a typo at the end - the end word on the second to last line should be horribly and not horrible.
MrMacphisto - May 13, 2008 - Report this comment
Awesome job.... 5-5-5
John Jenkins - May 14, 2008 - Report this comment
Some of the rhyming was somewhat less precise than W.S. Gilbert's, but the "Phineas/sanguineous" couplet (fun pun and clever rhyme) makes this a very good parody.

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