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Song Parodies -> "My Dog's The Very Model Of A Major Inconvenience"

Original Song Title:

"I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Major Jeneral"

Original Performer:

Gilbert & Sullivan

Parody Song Title:

"My Dog's The Very Model Of A Major Inconvenience"

Parody Written by:

Stan Hall

The Lyrics

A K9 parody of "The O8's Song" from Gilbert and Sullivan's "The Pirates of Penzance" :-)
"My dog's the very model of a major inconvenience"



I.
My dog's the very model of a major inconvenience
For his survival he relies on my soft-headed lenience
He barks all day at nothing and then, whining, keeps me up all night,
And bites the hand that feeds him - a behavior not at all polite.
My piddle-puddled carpets are all minefields of his "accidents"
Which he regards bemusedly, affecting thus his innocence,
And when I find upended wastebins' rubbish scattered all around
I have to wonder why I keep him, why not send him to the pound?

I have to wonder why I keep him, why not send him to the pound?
I have to wonder why I keep him, why not send him to the pound?
I have to wonder why I keep him, why not send him to the pound?

Fed table scraps old Fido waxes flatulent 'til my tears flow
And then the cur will curry favor cutely cocking ears just so
And so this dog relies for his survival on my lenience
For he's the very model of a major inconvenience.

And so this dog relies for his survival on my lenience
For he's the very model of a major inconvenience.

II.
With dirty paws he loves to cause, by nimbly leaping in my lap
A muddied shirt, and then looks hurt when reprimanded with a slap.
The hair he sheds could wig the heads of damsels three Rapunzelly
And when his fur is damp for sure no one would say he's unsmelly.
Though neutered he will suitor be to any handy trouser leg!
His yipped appeals wreck all my meals -- Oh, hear that randy bowser beg!
My grassy lawn will soon be gone as, frantic and fanatical,
He buries T-bone treasures like Penzancians piratical.

He buries T-bone treasures like Penzancians piratical.
He buries T-bone treasures like Penzancians piratical.
He buries T-bone treasures like Penzancians piratical.

He makes a meal of shoes with zeal; he'll never ever fetch a stick.
He clobbers me with slobber when I hold him out a hand to lick.
And so this dog relies for his survival on my lenience
For he's the very model of a major inconvenience.

And so this dog relies for his survival on my lenience
For he's the very model of a major inconvenience.

III.
He frightens off the mailman before he can make delivery
And chases neighbors' cats and kids and leaves them cowed and quivery.
And, yet, as watchdog he's a dud: if burglars ever came inside
He'd either help them loot the place or underneath the bed he'd hide.
He fills my house with ticks and fleas and vomits up his heartworm pills
While eating up my paychecks with enormous vet'rinary bills.
On leash he pulls -- he never stays or ever comes at my command
And why I keep this hound around not even I can understand!

And why I keep this hound around not even I can understand!
And why I keep this hound around not even I can understand!
And why I keep this hound around not even I can understand!

I've tried to train this fleabag but my efforts are to no avail,
Of time it's just a matter 'til he gets me sued and sent to jail.
Meanwhile, this dog relies for his survival on my lenience
For he's the very model of a major inconvenience.

Meanwhile, this dog relies for his survival on my lenience
For he's the very model of a major inconvenience.



These lyrics were inspired by a Beagle I owned from 1970-'86 and loved despite the needle-sharp accuracy with which they portray him. RIP, Razzy. © Stan Hall

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Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 16

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User Comments

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alvin - January 13, 2008 - Report this comment
The hair he sheds could wig the heads of damsels three Rapunzelly...one of the most magical lines i've seen in these hallowed pages...a most amazing epic here, sir
Meriadoc - January 13, 2008 - Report this comment
"This is the very reason to instead own things feline-ial..." :-D
Stan Hall - January 13, 2008 - Report this comment
Thanks Alvin. Meriadoc: I'm not a cat person, so answer Gilbertianly thus: "‘Tis better if a cat’s life-cache is none-ial, not nine-ial" :-)
Peregrin - January 13, 2008 - Report this comment
I don't feel witty like the above commenters. Instead i will say "good job" :)
W. S. Gilbert - January 14, 2008 - Report this comment
OK, "inconvenience/lenience" and "delivery/quivery" were good, but the parody would have benefited from more trisyllabic rhyming.
Stan - January 14, 2008 - Report this comment
Picky, picky, Bill. And what ... no trisyllabic credit for "Rapunzelly/unsmelly," "trouser leg/bowser beg," or "fanatical/piratical"? Let me know where to reach you and I'll send along an entirely different MG parody that's more perfectly comforms structurally with your own but that twice failed to fit under this site's censorial limbo stick. :-)
W. S. Gilbert - January 14, 2008 - Report this comment
Yes, I am picky. It's why I was successful, but maybe why I don't have many friends. Why not submit your other MG parody to WhatFreaks?
Kristof Robertson - January 14, 2008 - Report this comment
Excellent work, Stan. Some great rhymes, and subtle, winning humour. 555
Stan - January 14, 2008 - Report this comment
WSG ... WIll check out WhatFreaks to see whether it merits attention/effort. Despite a censorial fence whoes operation is rather less predictable than that with which Bill Veeck (claimed to have) filtered fly balls in the Mistake on the Lake, what's great about this site's better parodists' submissions is the sublety of their sim-/emulations. (And, BTW, Bill, how come you carped about the syllabic meagerness of some rhymes but left alone the departure from your own MG song's essentially sonnetiform structure? You're a superb songsmith, but as a critic you're apparently no Jet, if you get my drift.) :-) SH
GeniusHunter - March 20, 2008 - Report this comment
I've found another (lurking under a terapin's carapace, perchance?!?)!
Lady-K9-Cakes - March 20, 2008 - Report this comment
I love my Scottish ~wee inconvenience~ She is my black angel who watches over me . . . 'cuz I 'm a little Lamb who's lost in the woods; I know I could always be good, to Someone who'll watch over me. . . .
Stan - March 21, 2008 - Report this comment
Cakes - nice to see you here so long after the fact. Scotties can be great little pals. Funny thing, tho ... during a couple weeks' roam 'round Scotland a couple years ago I met exactly one Scottie, 2 Westies, 2 Airedales, many Labs (mostly yellow) and --of all things -- countless Greyhounds. Go figure. :-)
Hunter -- Thanks, I guess. Unless alluding to some UMD connection (or maybe to where I might have hidden from the song-celebrated Beagle) I'm unsure what may mean your speculative mention of a terrapin's carapace. Anyway, neither'd apply. I liked the dog despite all, and my undergrad and grad school U was "of VA," ’65-’72. :-)

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