I am the very model of a modern raving neocon,
Don't challenge my conclusions or the rhetoric I base them on,
The Pax Americana is a concept most historical
The rightness of my research is a slam-dunk categorical;
I'm very well acquainted with the guff of Arab radicals,
My troop surge plan was drawn up while I languished on sabbatical,
The remedies for victory that I've described will meet success,
Although the ones prescribed before have made Iraq an awful mess.
We have to take initiatives before their time has come and gone
We have to seize the chance before a sane proposal catches on
Don't challenge my conclusions or the rhetoric I base them on,
I am the very model of a modern raving neocon.

I've fabricated falsities to keep the populace distressed
I've made up mythic weapons that I claimed Saddam Hussein possessed
And even though my case for going in was theoretical
I labeled my opponents either traitors or heretical
Though Francis Fukuyama's disaffection disconcerted me
And even though the weakest of our founders have deserted me
Bill Kristol presses on while Scooter Libby sweats it in the dock
And Cheney hopes that Fitz does not give him and Wolfowitz a shock
It's Rowan, Rosen, Bauer, Bush, and Kagan I'm depending on
The message Rodman, Quayle, and Khalilzad, and Forbes are sending on
Don't challenge my conclusions or the rhetoric I base them on,
I am the very model of a modern raving neocon.

It hurts when I hear that our Mideast war, it is unraveling
When I hear rumors that the conflict from Iran is traveling
And I hear that the Congress is determined to encumber us
To hinder, undermine, and outmaneuver and outnumber us
We stole the oil fair and square! Don't make a fuss! We're keeping it!
Don't lecture me about the ills engendered while we're reaping it!
The Arabs should be glad that our democracy is freeing them
We're sending them to Gitmo where we doubt that we'll be seeing them!
We have to seize initiatives before their time has come and gone
We have the rights inherent to a First World global hegemon
Don't challenge my illusions or the greed that they depend upon
I am the very model of a modern raving neocon.

Iraq's another country that we've pillaged and we've plundered
There won't be many others when they find that we have blundered!