Dialogue 5


DEE RANGE
Then we must help ChuckyG. We must call a village meeting and conceive a plan that will rid AmIRight of this pestilence – this vermin – these disgusting, puerile, inconsiderate, infantile


STUEY POO
You had me at pestilence, Dee, so ease up. And in the early morn we shall!


[ LIGHTS DIM TO REPRESENT THE SUN GOING DOWN, AND DEE AND STUEY POO EXIT RIGHT. A DIM SPOT HIGHLIGHTS A SHADOWY NOOK TO THE LEFT OF STAGE WHERE WILLIE TIT-SWALLOW AND JOHN A BARRY ARE TYPING AT COMPUTERS. ]


JOHN A. BARRY
I must remark upon your great achievements, Willie. You have plumbed levels of lewdness previously considered unplumbable.

WILLIE TIT-SWALLOW
Thankyou J.A.B. I have been watching a lot of Big Brother.

JOHN A. BARRY
And, svengali-like, your charisma has attracted a veritable army of lewd-submitting henchmen, willing to obey your every command. Prithee, what is the secret to your clever and lewd lasciviousness?


SONG 6
Click on the Original Song and then its MIDI (song starts after a 38-second intro):
"The Captain Of The Pinnafore"

Parody by John A. Barry

"My Gags Crammed With Crapulous Metaphors"


WILLIE TIT-SWALLOW
My gags, crammed with crapulous metaphors. . .
Getting tight and getting stewed.
Bibing cherry schnapps good,
My antiheroes should
Take big bites of abundant food.

JOHN A. BARRY
Get sated on too much beer,
Perhaps eat up a whole deer
That drips unsvelte gravy.

WILLIE TIT-SWALLOW
Dig into a quartered quail,
Wash it down with quarts of ale--
Too much bevy and then get sickly.

JOHN A. BARRY
"Much bevy?"

WILLIE TIT-SWALLOW
A bevy.

JOHN A. BARRY
"What bevy?"

WILLIE TIT-SWALLOW
Harp-brewed bevy.

JOHN A. BARRY
Bevy from Guinness' brewery

WILLIE TIT-SWALLOW
So I'll drink three beers and twelve beers more
To get ideas for crapulous metaphors.

JOHN A. BARRY
You'll drink three beers and twelve beers more
To help fuel crapulous metaphors.

Your tunes 'bout breasts and satiated balls
Have lewd and rude content.
Sex-secretion songs you'll write,
Get 'em up on amiright,
Sneak in terms like "con," in French.

More than one time you have rhymed
About women wined and dined
While bespermed by "congress" men.

Bad language you do use,
About genitals and booze. . .
Yet rarely tamed by Chucky G.
Though "bottoms up" you may
Say in a double way,
you will never get caught, Willie

WILLIE TIT-SWALLOW
"What, never?"

JOHN A. BARRY
No, never

WILLIE TIT-SWALLOW
"What, never?"

JOHN A. BARRY
You're too clever
In entendre jocularly.

So you'll give three leers and one leer more
As you pen those randy, nasty metaphors.

WILLIE TIT-SWALLOW
I'm out of beer--off to the store
For fuel for crapulous metaphors.


[ SPOT DIMS AND THE MAIN LIGHTS RISE, REPRESENTING DAWN OF THE NEXT DAY. STUEY POO AND DEE RANGE ENTER, THEN THE VILLAGERS GRADUALLY SAUNTER ONTO STAGE ]