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Song Parodies -> "The (Worried Russian) "

Original Song Title:

"The Major-General's Song"

Original Performer:

Gilbert & Sullivan

Parody Song Title:

"The (Worried Russian) "

Parody Written by:

Phil Alexander

The Lyrics

Written after finding out that Russian comms have been so flaky, they sent generals out to the front line, and three of the twenty have been killed so far (an attrition rate considerably higher than the rank and file, which is possibly a first); also Putin has been fairly systematically cleansing the Russian army of people he considers a threat - more than 20 have vanished since 2010. These stats come from the most reliable source I have for Russian military history, and are as trustworthy as any information coming out of the region.

But if I were a Russian general right now, I'd be kind of worried, too.
I am a very worried Russian modern major-general
Now I suspect my life expectancy is quite ephemeral
For the campaign in the Ukraine is starting to go spherical
It's got so bad our leader Vlad Putin will be hysterical
In the few days since our invasion started three gen'rals have died
15% (it's out of 20), frankly I feel terrified
Our paratroops have parachutes that fail to work the way they go
If all our tanks were firing blanks, I'd feel a little safer though

And if this war turns nucle-or, if Caesar says "carpe diem"
If nukes are poor he will be more ballistic than ICBM
So sod Ukraine's resources, be they vegetable or mineral
I am a scared, underprepared, a Russian major-general


But it's not just the cut and thrust of war that has me so afeared
The last ten years lots of my peers (a score or more) have disappeared
If they spoke out or showed some doubt that Putin's kept his sanity
Then count to three, the FSB will avenge Vlad's lost vanity
And he, it's true, scared of a coup - in fact he's so damn paranoid
If you're quite good, show aptitude then shortly you'll be unemployed
So show dissent, be competent - both things to get you outta here
If you get on, then you'll get on the wrong side of our Vladimir

For Putin runs the whole damn country like he's in the mafia
You may have clout, but bang! you're out when Vlad has had enough o' ya
The oligarchs may think they're sharks, but I've no time for them at all
Somewhat impaired, I'm running scared, a Russian major-general


But what, you ask, might come to pass to end his dank kleptocracy?
To make him go and overthrow the Kremlin rank hypocrisy
There may be some, so brave (or dumb) who'll continue to persevere
But if he goes, it's likely those extremists will be worse, I fear
So I'm not for having one more Russian revolu-shee-yun
Would be quite dumb unless there's some real wealth redistribu-shee-yun
Reverse the folly of our oligarchic-run society
Ain't no surprise that means that I's got very high anxiety

I start to doubt there's a way out that leads to more autonomy
And Putin's stuck, the country's ..in a bad way.. farewell our economy
So I will hide and stay inside and start mainlining demerol
I am a very worried Russian modern major-general

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 1.9
How Funny: 2.0
Overall Rating: 2.0

Total Votes: 21

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   16
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 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   1
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 5   4
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 5
 

User Comments

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Susanna Viljanen - March 16, 2022 - Report this comment
This parody hit like a sniper's bullet on Russian major-general's forehead. Fives.
Phil Alexander - March 22, 2022 - Report this comment
Thanks, Susanna - I'm kinda pleased with this one, will be giving it a first run-out in front of an audience this evening :-)
CML - March 22, 2022 - Report this comment
Should go over well. Some real anti war classics have been churned over the past week or so. This is one of them
Phil Alexander - April 01, 2022 - Report this comment
Has gone well.. :-) I have even stuck a basic recording in YouTube because somebody asked... https://youtu.be/wUhOKuEo33o
Rick Duncan - April 05, 2022 - Report this comment
You haven't lost your flair, Phil. Glad you're still in the game. I might be coming to London soon.
Phil Alexander - April 05, 2022 - Report this comment
Yay! Let me know when you're over :-)

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