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Song Parodies -> "I am the Very Model of an Ancient Roman Emperor"

Original Song Title:

"The Major-General's Song"

Original Performer:

Gilbert & Sullivan

Parody Song Title:

"I am the Very Model of an Ancient Roman Emperor"

Parody Written by:

Susanna Viljanen

The Lyrics

All the crimes of Heliogabalus, and some more.
I am the very model of an Ancient Roman Emperor
I'm fornicator, tyrant and a warlord and a conqueror
I'm crazy as a cuckoo and a spendthrift and a squanderer
and everybody's telling I am a sexual adventurer
I have more of conspiracies in my primary family
than in the Senate, I fear them more than any foreign enemy
My mother wants to kill me, my son's plotting against me balmily
My uncle wants to slay me and my aunt to stab me nastily

My granny is a poisoner and my daughter wants my balls -
It's better if I'll impound them and crucify them all

It's better if I'll impound them and crucify them all
It's better if I'll impound them and crucify them all
It's better if I'll impound them and crucify them all

I am very good arranging games at the Circus Maximus
I watch the racing chariots and I am quite magnanimous
as when the gladiators fight, I might just act as temperer -
I am the very model of an Ancient Roman Emperor

All: as when the gladiators fight, I might just act as temperer -
I am the very model of an Ancient Roman Emperor

I rule all Rome with iron fist, with legions and Pretorians
I persecute the foreign cults, both Semitic and Arians
I repeat in secrecy all crimes of Heliogabalus,
and stories of my lechery are not at all hyperbolous
I'll crucify the Druids and Jews and all those dreadful Christee-ans
I let the lions tear apart them just like common criminals
I love the Amphitheatre and ludi and the munera -
If my favourite gladiator dies, I'll arrange him a funeral

If my favourite gladiator dies, I'll arrange him a funeral
If my favourite gladiator dies, I'll arrange him a funeral
If my favourite gladiator dies, I'll arrange him a funeral

If I have problems in the town, I'll go war with the Barbarians
Or maybe set up civil war or declare one to the Persee-ans
In short, in matters bellicose, I am quite a conqueror
I am the very model of an Ancient Roman Emperor

In short, in matters bellicose, I am quite a conqueror
I am the very model of an Ancient Roman Emperor

In fact, I know what is meant by "velite" and "legionarius",
And I can tell at sight a plumbata from a gladius,
When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at,
And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat",
When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern cavalry,
When I know more of tactics than just human wave or gallantry
In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy,
You'll say a better Roman Emperor has never sat a gee.

You'll say a better Roman Emperor has never sat a gee.
You'll say a better Roman Emperor has never sat a gee.
You'll say a better Roman Emperor has never sat a gee.

For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury,
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century;
But still, in matters lechery and sexual adventurer
I am the very model of an Ancient Roman Emperor
But still, in matters lechery and sexual adventurer
I am the very model of an Ancient Roman Emperor

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 2.3
How Funny: 2.3
Overall Rating: 2.3

Total Votes: 19

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   13
 13
 13
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 0
 0
 
 5   6
 6
 6
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

CML - September 09, 2021 - Report this comment
So .. Susie V just posted a parody of one of the longest OS that you routinely see at Amiright without any errors in pacing that I can see, and she gets three one bombs for her trouble. If I may quote Hwa Tafuq, the legendary master of the Chinese abacus .. "It dont add up!!"
Sux Tubi Yu - September 09, 2021 - Report this comment
Shut up, CML! The adults are in charge here now!
The Very Model Of A Modern Adult In Charge - September 09, 2021 - Report this comment
My butt's been wiped! I'm supposed to stop and walk out of the room.
the_conqueror_of_parodies - September 09, 2021 - Report this comment
Great parody!
Restorer of Norms - September 09, 2021 - Report this comment
TRUindedashdubbadapresher!! We've got some .. some deplor'ble comments here and .. and .. you know, that thing that Corn Pop did and he was a bad dude .. So knock it off!!
Agrimorfee - September 09, 2021 - Report this comment
Why CML? Because Susanna is A KNOWN LEFTIST AND AS SUCH NEEDS TO BE PENALIZED AT EVERY SPACE IN THE INTERNET UNIVERSE. DOCKING HER WITH 13 1 VOTES IS THE PUNISHMENT DESERVING OF ALL WHO DO NOT PRAISE THE DONALD AND TAKE THE SHOTS. Oops, pardon me for my sarcasm fit. So 555 from me, SV. Always a pleasure reading your stuff.
Phil Alexander - September 09, 2021 - Report this comment
Excellent :-)
Phil Ossifer - September 09, 2021 - Report this comment
Hey Agrimorfee, your comrade Michael Pacholek has been low-voting and pissing all over anything that didn't toe the Marxist line for over a decade. I'll bet you that's where some of these people got the idea.
Libby - September 10, 2021 - Report this comment
Deflect, Phil O! Deflect! Scary left-leaner at 10 O'Clock! Quick evasive action--IAH (Irrelevant Ad Hominem) bomb detonated!! BOOM!! Yay!! Score one for Team Trump!!
Phil Ossifer - September 10, 2021 - Report this comment
Is it a deflection if it's true? I've not only seen it, I've had it happen on my stuff, and while you as a Marxist may not find the lyrics funny, I nail the other categories and still get 1's from the leftists here. PS I thought this parody was great and intend to vote that way.
CML - September 10, 2021 - Report this comment
Libby, thats the cleverest post you've ever made! And Im not being a sarcastic, right wing @sshole about this. That was very good!! Keep it up
Phil Alexander - September 11, 2021 - Report this comment
@Phil O - Michael P hasn't been indulging in repeated voter fraud, and he has the integrity to say when and why he votes things down. Unlike the cowardly multiple 1-voter (and, well, yourself) who only ever posts as pseudonym. So, yes, you're deflecting.

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