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Song Parodies -> "I've Got A List Too"

Original Song Title:

"I've Got A Little List"

Original Performer:

Gilbert & Sullivan

Parody Song Title:

"I've Got A List Too"

Parody Written by:

John Dacey

The Lyrics

William Gilbert: humorous song lyrics nonpareil.
I’ve Got a Little List (Too)

If one day it might happen that some justice can be found,

I've got a little list — of them who've made me pissed.

Those Am-I-Writer nuisances who should be put to ground,

And never would be missed. I'll put 'em on a list.

The know-it-alls whose songs are so insufferably right,

The spelling and the format nazis that often aren't too bright.

Avuncular do-gooders who're relentlessly precise,

I like to see them flamed to test how long they'll remain nice.

Those politicking pundits' rants fuel headaches that persist.

Let's add 'em to the list, the "Do-Without-'Em" list.

You may put ’em on the list – some will get an asterisk;
But they’ll none of ’em be missed – they’ll none of them be missed!

The guys whose songs are based on things no one's ever heard,
I'm giving them the bird, those posts should be interred.
All lyrics that are gibberish and rhyme schemes badly erred
I will be undeterred to junk all stuff that’s merde.
And nutjobs who write comments of the most alarming kind,
Make you think they're ten years old or else have lost their mind;
Until such time as they have by court-order been confined
To read another word of it I'm fully disinclined.
I really must insist that they go first on the list.
They really should enlist a good psychiatrist.

You may put ’em on the list – you may put ’em on the list;
And they’ll none of ’em be missed – they’ll none of them be missed!

The jerks who vote all “1”s and call the authors bolshevists

I might leave off the list, why bother with the list?
They’re easy to ignore and just as easily dismissed;

No more be in our midst, no longer in our midst.

The most-prolific posters who have nothing much to add

Except to burn off bandwidth at a rate to make one mad.

Include all free-verse poets and the ones who quote in Fwench--

We ought to turn their thumbscrews with a well-torqued monkey wrench.

And thin-skinned posters with their knickers always in a twist -

They all go on the list, the "Cease-and-Desist" list.

You may put ’em on the list – you may put ’em on the list;
And they’ll none of ’em be missed – they’ll none of them be missed!

Let's add the ones who think I care who's in their lame kill-files,

Their posts aren’t worth your while, let's throw ‘em on the pile.

With equal joy I add the names both real and pseudonym,

Some purely on a whim. They all go on statim.

Append religious zealots, Fox News kooks (both pro and con)

To the roster so deserving of unhappy dénouement.
But those whose only purpose is berating everything

Will get an endless looping MP3 of "Don Trump Sings!"

It’s fitting punishment for them on which I really must insist.
The most damned of all lists: the Don Trump, Vocalist.

You may put ’em on the list – this one gets an asterisk;
But they’ll none of ’em be missed – they’ll none of them be missed!

(Exeunt Chorus.)

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 2.1
How Funny: 2.1
Overall Rating: 2.1

Total Votes: 33

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   24
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   9

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Dave W - November 23, 2020 - Report this comment
There are people on my fecal matter list
John Dacey - November 24, 2020 - Report this comment
^^^^^^ Careful: you’ll get writer’s cramp. Thanks for looking.
Phil Alexander - November 25, 2020 - Report this comment
Très bon, même merveilleux.. Well, to be fair I have a few traits that'll put me on that list :-) Possibly my favourite parody of 2020 (because it's clever, fun and not Covid or politics related :-) )
John Dacey - November 25, 2020 - Report this comment
Profound thanks. It means quite a lot coming from a member of the pantheon. As it develops, the list has gotten quite out of hand and it's become easier to enumerate the exceptions than the offenders. For your kind comments (in spite of the French) I hereby award to Phil Alexander a LIFETIME PASS™ from the list.

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