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Song Parodies -> "The Cambridge Analytica Song"

Original Song Title:

"The Major General Song"

Original Performer:

Gilbert & Sullivan

Parody Song Title:

"The Cambridge Analytica Song"

Parody Written by:

Phil Alexander

The Lyrics

Of course Cambridge Analytica have claimed responsibility for being the eminences grises behind electoral upsets on both sides of the pond: as a marketing exercise for future dodgy and well-paying clientele it's a no-brainer; however, their claims go way beyond the bleeding obvious targeted ads that have all the sophistication of a head-butt. And they didn't hack, crack or do anything remotely difficult to gain the data they used: what they did was so common as to be pretty much normal practice until people started noticing how cavalier Facebook was being with users' data. But being sensible about this doesn't make for a particularly funny song, so...
I have a data model from that Cambridge Analytica
There's millions and millions of users and it's pretty ca-
Tastrophic on this topic, it has hit my equanimity
From what they know 'bout where I go online - no anonymity
They're very well acquainted too with matters appertaining to
My station trips, relationships and all the things I'm training to
Learn more about, I do not doubt they're feeding me a lot o' news
That's mainly fake so I won't make it out to be a lot o' use

Yes, now I bet this dataset is bordering on criminal
I will not budge they want to nudge me by methods subliminal
In short, if it is worrying, and dodgy and quite sinister
It's in the data model from that Cambridge Analytica


They know my browsing history, my Wish and eBay purchases
Those kinky sites I sometimes might succumb to and the merch, that is
The stuff I bought in their reports, all detailed with precis-ee-yun
That quiz I took now starts to look a very bad decis-ee-yun
They know each call I've made and all my text commununica-shee-yuns
The names of mates and birthday dates of all of my rela-shee-yuns
My kiddies' creche, my indiscretions, any time I try a tryst
They know so much about me, don't think I need a psychiatrist

I half expect that their direc-tors wear an SS uniform
Their company reports should be in Babylonic cuneiform,
In short, I hear the name and what I picture's a swas-itika
I have a data model from that Cambridge Analytica


But honestly, they cannot be the influence they say they are
They seem so full of so much bull and what they say's outré, bizarre
When they impart that their dark arts are magical and mystical
It makes me wince: I'd be convinced by arguments, statistical
When what they claim can be explained math'matic'ly not verbally
Something to count, measured amount, not marketing hyperbole
In short, when they show evidence of actual efficacy
Then Cambridge Analytica may be more than the pricks I see

I gotta say that they portray: manipulation, so fancy
Yet what we saw is little more than snake-oil-sales technomancy
They're leeching many gigabytes, virtual parasitica
It's in that data model from that Cambridge Analytica

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 3.5
How Funny: 3.5
Overall Rating: 3.5

Total Votes: 21

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   6
 6
 6
 
 2   1
 1
 1
 
 3   2
 2
 2
 
 4   1
 1
 1
 
 5   11
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User Comments

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Rick Duncan - April 18, 2018 - Report this comment
Love it. Brilliant as usual, neighbor.
adagio - April 18, 2018 - Report this comment
Good one Phi;. 3x5
Stuart McArthur - April 18, 2018 - Report this comment
Brilliant as usual, Phil, an amazing amount of content, and the internal rhyming was icing on the cake.
Peregrin - April 19, 2018 - Report this comment
Beautiful piece of work, Phil, where you have been able to externalise parodically what the rest of us have only been able to think!
Phil Alexander - April 19, 2018 - Report this comment
:-) Thanks all.

..and damn, I get nostalgic from the people who left the comments.
Dr Giorgio Coniglio dec - April 19, 2018 - Report this comment
Masterful, as always, when done by the master.
Murray - April 22, 2018 - Report this comment
excellent - the very model...

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