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Song Parodies -> "The Muslim Radical's Song"

Original Song Title:

"The Major General's Song"

Original Performer:

Gilbert & Sullivan

Parody Song Title:

"The Muslim Radical's Song"

Parody Written by:

Callmelennie

The Lyrics

One can't really claim to be a master parodist around this joint without doing "The Major General's Song", so here I am. Was stuck on this a long time, until I decided to do it about Bin Laden; at which point things began to flow. In the second stanza, I follow the gist of the OS where the Major General is boasting about highly dubious achievements. Several things in the second stanzas will be explained in bottom comments. As for one of the last lines in the first stanza, Bin Laden referred to the Twin Towers as "pillars" -- in reference to the Quranic story of the "Pillars of 'Iram" which were destroyed by Allah
I am the very model of the modern Muslim radical
I've disputations Hadeeth-al, Sunnah-cal, Quranical
I loathe evil Zionists and their thieveries historical
I guard my women's honor in rainment most chador-ical
I'm well acquainted, too with violence fanatical
I analyze the outside world with thoughts auto-didactical
About the land of Palestine, it's teeming with a lot of Jews
(Hamdu, Jews, what to do about that? ... Wallahi, Got it!)
And so we'll keep on biding our time with the old peace process ruse

(All: And so we'll keep on biding our time with the old peace process ruse)
(And so we'll keep on biding our time with the old peace process ruse)
(And so we'll keep on biding our time with the old peace process Jew-sie ruse)

I set my sights on "pillars" that were blaspheming New York Harbor-ous
I sent them crumbling to the ground with fatwas that were barbarous
In short in matters, Hadeeth-al, Sunnah-cal, Quranical
I am the very model of a modern Muslim radical
(All: In short, in matters Hadeeth-al, Sunnah-cal, Quranical)
(He is the very model of a modern Muslim radical)

I know our mythic messengers, from Prophet to Abdul Wahhab
I frustrate hard surveillance, I've a compound in Abbotabad
I sing in rhymed qasidas of our triumph o'er Heraclius
In tawwaf, I can score circumabulates Ka'ablius
I can tell undoubted Hadeeth, from the Batil and the ones Da'eef
I know how we seized Mecca from the clutches of the Mad Sharif
The I can pray Al Falaq if I've heard the first few lines afore
(Ooh, lines afore? What's my next trick .. Got it)
And dazzle my mujahids with the promise of celestial whores

(All: And dazzle his mujahids with the promise of celestial whores)
(He'll dazzle his mujahids with the promise of celestial whores)
(Just dazzle his mujahids with the promise of celestial houri whores)

Then I can write a terror bill with jurisprudence Hanbali
The kill two hundred Kenyans cause the Sau'di king is jahili
In short, in matters Hadeeth-al, Sunnah-cal, Quranical
I am the very model for the modern Muslim radical
(All: In short, in matters Hadeeth-al, Quranical)
(He is the very model of the modern Muslim radical)

In fact, when I know what is meant by "Hellfire" and "J-DAM shock wave"
When I can tell at sight a Paki compound from an Afghan cave
When such affairs as satellite surveillance has me in a fix
When I know precisely what is meant by "tapped by Seal Team Six"
When I learn what progress has been made in night time gunnery
When I lay stiller than a Pharaoh wrapped in mummery
In short, when I've a battering of counter terror strategy
(Hmm, strategy .. hard to think of a rhyme just no- .. Got it)
You'll say a better Muslim radical never was dumped at sea!!

(All: You'll say a better Muslim radical never was dumped at sea)
(You'll say a better Muslim radical never was dumped at sea)
(You'll say a better Muslim radical never was dumped like chum at sea)

For my atavistic outlook, though spiritual indentur-ey
Is yoked to a nomad culture straight up from Seventh Century
But still in matters Hadeeth-al, Sunnah-cal, Quranical
I WAS the very model of the modern Muslim radical
(All: But still in matters Hadeeth-al, Sunnah-cal, Quranical)
(He was the very model of the modern Muslim radical)

Second stanza, Line 3 -- qasida is an ode; Heraclius is the Byzantine Emperor defeated by Muslim ... Line 4 -- tawwaf means walking around the Ka'aba seven times .... Line 5 -- Hadeeth are characterized as Sahih (true; undoubted) Batil (false) and Da'eef (weak; doubtful) ... Line 6 -- Sa'udis seized Mecca from Sharif Hussein, grandfather of King Hussein; and he was a deranged old man at the time ... Line 7 -- Al Falaq is the shortest Sura in the Quran; any five year old can recite it. Line 9 -- Hanbali is the most severe school of Islamic Law ... Line 10 -- Jahili means ignorant or secular

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.4
How Funny: 4.4
Overall Rating: 4.4

Total Votes: 17

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 2
 2
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   1
 1
 1
 
 4   0
 0
 0
 
 5   14
 14
 14
 

User Comments

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Callmelennie - August 07, 2014 - Report this comment
Oops, looks like my chorus of manic females left out "Sunnah-cal" at the end on the second stanza -- I'll have to have a word with them .... And, it looks like my keyboard neglected to add the letter "n" to the word "The" on two occasions in the second stanza. But the again, it was typing at a frantic pace at then time ..... Oh, and check it out, the Security Code is SLM, which is the triliteral root for Islam (No, it wasn't)
Claude Prez - August 07, 2014 - Report this comment
Wow, that's impressive stuff. I'm willfully ignorant on the topic, though, so I'll have to take your word that it's hilarious. Still, very well done.
The Decider - August 07, 2014 - Report this comment
Good work. I decide for myself what's hilarious. Hilarity is undermined by references to specialized knowledge not immediately accessible to the general reader. Occasionally, writers here lapse into pedantry and the parody loses spontaneity, surprise, and wit. Footnotes begone!
Callmelennie - August 07, 2014 - Report this comment
Well, TD if you're going to go along with the gist of the OS, you are going to get pedantic, because the Major General gets quite pedantic himself and glories in his knowledge of all kinds of arcana. Indeed, a whole host of footnotes is quite helpful in appreciating the OS. For example, Caractacus was a barbarian chief who wore a loincloth into battle with the Romans, so knowing the details of his uniform is no great achievement. Similarly knowing Raphaels from Gerald Dows and Zoffanies is trivial as each artist had vastly different styles. It's like saying you can tell the difference between classic painting and graffiti; but would you even get that joke without a footnote? ....... Now then, the one exotic subject I knew well enough that would even permit me to attempt this song is Islam. And in order to match all the lines of the OS, I had to dig pretty deep into Islamic arcana. So what should I do -- leave everybody in the dark?
The Decider - August 07, 2014 - Report this comment
Yeah, CML, I would leave everybody (happily) in the dark. That strategy would parody the spirit of Gilbert to perfection. In the OS, we know the Major General is engaging in outrageous puffery from the mere sounds of the name-dropping of once-famous, but now extinct, personages. We don't even have to know that the differences among them are either trivial or vast (although that insider knowledge would indeed enhance the fun). Therefore, in the middle of a live performance we have no urge to pull out our smart phones and Google those obscurities (the analog of your footnotes). We get it: The Major General is full of it.
I would leave "Hadeeth-al, Sunnah-cal, Quranical" unexplained. All we need to know is explicit in the mere sounds of these Islamic arcana (which are funny to the Western ear), which indicate that the speaker is a Muslim radical putting over a snow job on us kafirs. Your scholarly need to put us in the know is, to me, unnecessary and a detriment to your presentation.
I do appreciate the care and effort you put into this otherwise very worthy parody. To give a score to this would miss the subtleties of a considered analysis.
Rob Arndt - August 07, 2014 - Report this comment
Hey CML, well done- 555! And thanks for the mention of AGM-114s and GBU-31 or 32s. You could have included Mks of dumb bombs, CBUs, Hydra rocket pods, other GBUs, PGMs, and/or JSOWs and JASSMs!!! Nice one with the "tapped by Seal Team Six" too ;-)
Barn Job - August 07, 2014 - Report this comment
Hey CML, well done- 555! And thanks for the mention of "and," "or," "the," and "a" ;- )
Jonathan - August 07, 2014 - Report this comment
^ are you mocking Rob? anyways 5's for this parody
Rob Arndt - August 07, 2014 - Report this comment
Nope, I did MY version off Veggietales and used heavy Milspeak... so I appreciate the incorporation of a few weapons and Seal Team Six in CML's Islamic parody :)
Jonathan - August 08, 2014 - Report this comment
^ oh so that was YOU sorry thought someone was makin' fun... not cool...

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