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Song Parodies -> "I Am A Former Kiddie Star, Now A Hormonal Teenager"

Original Song Title:

"The Major-General's Song"

Original Performer:

Gilbert & Sullivan

Parody Song Title:

"I Am A Former Kiddie Star, Now A Hormonal Teenager"

Parody Written by:

Phil Alexander

The Lyrics

This wasn't intended to be about any specific former child star who went off the rails.. more the sort of generic condition.
I am a former kiddie star, now a hormonal teenager
I twerk and pout and get bits out in pix of an obscene nature
I used to be cute and cuddly, role model for the moron youth
But now I've grown it all gets shown in manners ever more uncouth
I once eschewed performing nude (especially in videos)
Now I'm afraid it's all displayed - it's sexily insidious
I'm not the same, I once had fame but now it's more like infamy
The journo-rats and twitter twats have really got it in fo' me

The journo-rats and twitter twats have really got it in fo' me
Like alley-cats with baseball bats they've really got it in fo' me
Had many spats with them and that's why they have got it in fo' me

I was so cute, now ill-repute has stained my reputa-shee-un
And it's been said that I should get a better educa-shee-un
I crave success and get depressed if I'm not on the scene (eh, Cher?)
I am a famous kid who's grown up an infamous teenager

I crave success and get depressed if I'm not on the scene (eh, Cher?)
I am a famous kid who's grown up an infamous teenager


They say I'm scum, and trash, and dumb but I think that I'm clever, coz
Sex-tapes of mine are viewed more times than Paris Hilton's ever was
I look awesome in a foursome with boy-band members all around
But one I kissed - he went and dis-appeared and he was never found
Not circumspect, I'm more infect-i-ous than an anopheles
I'm so damn hot that I have got at least a dozen STDs
From me, one kiss and syphilis from me to you, or you to me
It's no surprise there are some guys who now are out to neuter me

It's no surprise there are some guys who now are out to neuter me
And they advise no compromise - that's what they want to do ta me
And so I tries a new disguise: a sweeter, nicer, cuter me

Alack, alas - I'm a disas-ter walking around on two feet
But boys should know the way I go, improper and more indiscreet
They never learn, and they return - the private, the marine major
To me, the famous kiddie star, who's now a horny teenager

They never learn, and they return - the private, the marine major
To me, the famous kiddie star, who's now a horny teenager


In fact, if I were somewhat shy and tried to live more normally
Not have to be seen on TV, celebs greeting me warm-l-y
And I admit, slow down a bit - that might be more appealing
And maybe not be chased & caught speeding (or even stealing)
What I'd achieve if I could leave behind my personality
Be more mature, get out the sewer and dump that immorality
Then I might find I'd leave behind the ever-tightening vice of fame
The luvvie hugs & social drugs that seem to be the price of fame

The luvvie hugs & social drugs that seem to be the price of fame
The silly mugs and random thugs that seem to be the price of fame
The nasty thugs' addictive drugs that seem to be the price of fame

But that ain't how it's working now, and there is no denyin' it
To be exposed is what I chose: my bed and I shall lie in it
In time I know that I'll outgrow this sick celebrity nature
Till then, I'm an ex-kiddie star, now a hormonal teenager

Your Vote & Comment Counts

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 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 3.2
How Funny: 3.2
Overall Rating: 3.2

Total Votes: 16

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   7
 7
 7
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 0
 0
 
 5   9
 9
 9
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Top Hat - February 24, 2014 - Report this comment
More uninspired bandwagon M-G folly- belongs in a bin liner :(
Phil Alexander - February 24, 2014 - Report this comment
And here was me thinking I'd written something witty, filled with internal rhymes and just the right flavour of corny three-syllable end-of-line rhymes with metronomic consistency all the way though.. but then I guess I have one advantage over you in that I've actually read it.

If you're that bothered by Major-General parodies, why did you bother to click on it?
John Barry - February 24, 2014 - Report this comment
A just in time parody, Phil. Put a smiley on my face.
Callmelennie - February 24, 2014 - Report this comment
Moreover, Top Hat, if everything here is crap, why would you waste your time with any of these postings?
Satire Sam - February 24, 2014 - Report this comment
Top Hat doesn’t hate MG parodies, doesn’t even want to read parodies actually. It (Top Hat, that is) hates itself. It jealously projects its self-loathing (a self-loathing born of the inability to write a parody) onto the work of others who have ability. Its sole purpose on the site is to one-bomb the talent and spice the 1s with moronic commentary. Top Hat and its ilk are on the wrong site. They should be spending their time seeking the online psychiatric help they so desperately need. Unfortunately, amiright has been infected with parody parasites such as Top Hat. Because, like the cockroaches they are, you can’t get rid of them, it’s probably best not to respond to their idiotic comments. Such responses only fuel their individual and collective psychosis. I shouldn’t mock them, though, because as the old saying goes, it’s not nice to make fun of the retarded.
Leough - February 24, 2014 - Report this comment
Looks like you popped the pimples on a few teenage mutant ninja trolls with this one. That's almost as funny as the parody! 555!
John Jenkins - February 24, 2014 - Report this comment
Very well done, Phil. A lot of great lines, but the "you to me/neuter me" couplet stood out for me.
Belieber - February 25, 2014 - Report this comment
Usin this crummy song to condemn JB is lame. He has true talent to actually sing and you don't old dude. He iz also rollin in money, more than you ever earned in your entire lifetime and he did it as a teen. Whatcha got by comparison? Nothing of any real value. Stop the H8! 1-1-1 for JB slammin' ain't cool
Phil Alexander - February 25, 2014 - Report this comment
Thanks, guys :-)

Belieber - so what made you think this was about Bieber? That suggests you actually believe he fits the song - not the most loyal of fans, I'd suggest..Besides, the only "JB" worthy of using just those initials has already commented above ;-)

Just struck me; as bandwagons go, I think I started the one on Amiright with the first parody of this song nearly eleven years ago, and it's still one of my favourite songs to parody. But it's difficult coming up with something new for subject matter each time.

As for 1-votes: nowadays I only look at the number of votes, not the rating: as I have never written a parody worth voting 1s on (or certainly not posted one on amiright), 1 votes can never be a comment on the quality. Especially when it's a coward hiding behind a pseudonym clearing his cookies and re-voting 1s because he realizes just how much of a loser he looks.
Stats - February 25, 2014 - Report this comment
Wow, 4 MGs recently.
Dr OC's has 13 straight 1s & 9 5s; Al Silver's has 7 straight 1s & 6 5s; this one has 6 straight 1s & 4 5s; Rob Arndt's has 2 straight 1s & 9 5s.

Hmm, that voting looks a bit fishy to me.
Istics - February 25, 2014 - Report this comment
Stats, you gotta go by the number of hits. Dr. OC has 133; Al Silver has 102; Phil has 72, and Rob Arndt has 62. Adjust each number by multiplying it by the Cauchy-Reimann coefficient of deviation from the date of the earliest submission, and then multiply by pi if the submission was on a Friday -- or divide by the atomic number of smegma if it was published on a busy Monday. Do the required LaPlace Transform, adjust for inflation, and you get the true quality of each parody. No problemo.
Claude Prez - February 26, 2014 - Report this comment
Hey, this is great! Good to know I can still come here, wade through the piles of crap by the same tired quantity whores, and spot a gem from someone who actually knows how to write a damn parody. Well done as always.
Dave W. - March 03, 2014 - Report this comment
Top shelf writing skills.....I have a few ideas of my own for this parody... but I am a bit hesitant because it is so tricky to do cleverly...and there are so many great ones in here.....I'm afraid mine would pale in comparison...but still.. I love a tough challenge ....I loved this one a lot
Phil Alexander - March 04, 2014 - Report this comment
Hi Claude, thanks - sorry, missed your comment first time around. Good to see you back :)

Thanks, Dave - it is tricky to come up with something that hasn't been done already, but if you've got an idea, run with it. If I may offer a bit of advice: don't get hung up about internal rhymes, try and get the rhythm of the words right and a good three-syllable rhyme at the end of each line.(even better if you can make it a slightly corny one)

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