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Song Parodies -> "The Pontiff's Song"
Original Song Title:
"The Major-General's Song"
Original Performer:
Gilbert & Sullivan
Parody Song Title:
"The Pontiff's Song"
Parody Written by:
Phil Alexander
The Lyrics
I know.. another M-G parody, another Pope-bashing parody.. gets a bit samey.. But sometimes I need to rant. And let's face it, there are very few people on the planet who deserve bashing as much as Pope Benedict XVI.
I am a quite hysterical pontificating hypocrite
And odious and lying, a historical illiterate
I spend most of my days and time secreted in the Vatican
But sometimes I escape to show the world what kind of twat I am
I often cause offence and unintentional hilarity
By saying that the Nazis came from rampant secularity
Although I've studied history, I misrepresent what it is
Painfully, it's obvious I'm talking out my orifice
Although I've said some brainless crap, there isn't much that's sillier
Than what I orchestrated in response to paedophilia
I helped those kiddy-fiddlers to reoffend - so silly it
Really helps that I'm an odious and lying hypocrite
I'm dodgy and duplicitous, a double-dealing demagogue
My mealy-mouthed apologies to victims leaving them agog
With paedophilic priests I did my best to never see or look
It isn't a coincidence I normally carry a crook
I never go to parties, ah, but when I go out nonetheless
I'm normally attired in what most would think is fancy dress
And in my full regalia, I'm often by the altar seen
Because I like to think that I'm the Dark Side Emperor Palpatine
I live a most secluded life, I see nothing contextual
I say that it harms marriage if it can be homosexual
But reason, rationality or logic.. not a bit of it
I am a quite hysterical pontificating hypocrite
If I could learn to tell what's real and what is allegorical
If I could differentiate twixt fiction and historical
If I could do what's best not for the church, but for humanity
If I could tell what's sensible and what is sheer insanity
If I could talk 'bout Islam in a way that's not incendiary
If I could say Leviticus is not a documentary
If I could act without showing political ambition
You'd say that this pontiff had changed beyond all recognition
But no, I am a pontif who pontificates insane-ly
It sounds to non-believers that my head's inserted anally
And still I'm given air-time until everyone is sick of it
I am a quite hysterical pontificating hypocrite
And odious and lying, a historical illiterate
I spend most of my days and time secreted in the Vatican
But sometimes I escape to show the world what kind of twat I am
I often cause offence and unintentional hilarity
By saying that the Nazis came from rampant secularity
Although I've studied history, I misrepresent what it is
Painfully, it's obvious I'm talking out my orifice
Although I've said some brainless crap, there isn't much that's sillier
Than what I orchestrated in response to paedophilia
I helped those kiddy-fiddlers to reoffend - so silly it
Really helps that I'm an odious and lying hypocrite
I'm dodgy and duplicitous, a double-dealing demagogue
My mealy-mouthed apologies to victims leaving them agog
With paedophilic priests I did my best to never see or look
It isn't a coincidence I normally carry a crook
I never go to parties, ah, but when I go out nonetheless
I'm normally attired in what most would think is fancy dress
And in my full regalia, I'm often by the altar seen
Because I like to think that I'm the Dark Side Emperor Palpatine
I live a most secluded life, I see nothing contextual
I say that it harms marriage if it can be homosexual
But reason, rationality or logic.. not a bit of it
I am a quite hysterical pontificating hypocrite
If I could learn to tell what's real and what is allegorical
If I could differentiate twixt fiction and historical
If I could do what's best not for the church, but for humanity
If I could tell what's sensible and what is sheer insanity
If I could talk 'bout Islam in a way that's not incendiary
If I could say Leviticus is not a documentary
If I could act without showing political ambition
You'd say that this pontiff had changed beyond all recognition
But no, I am a pontif who pontificates insane-ly
It sounds to non-believers that my head's inserted anally
And still I'm given air-time until everyone is sick of it
I am a quite hysterical pontificating hypocrite
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User Comments
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He was also a Flakhilfer (anti-aircraft gunner's assistant) in the Hitler Jugend. I don't really expect him to be around too much longer. It will be interesting to see what happens when the Church is led for the first time by a non-European.
He was both of those things because it was required by law, Patrick. If he had refused to join, he and his parents would have been arrested. He also quit both at the earliest oppportunity. I'm also intrigued by the outrage here, seeing as he was helping to defend civilians from indiscriminate bombing from the air, which I thought was considered a war crime by your average run of the mill liberal. And Patrick, aren't you something of a religious man yourself? Because if so, you probably should think twice about giving support to someone who would concoct such a vicious smear on a eminent Christian leader.
Patrick - I don't blame the Pope for that, as Callmelennie points out, it's not like he was given a real choice in the matter; it's purely the things he has said and the decisions he has made while near and at the top of the Church heirarchy which make him deserve all the opprobrium.
All German boys were forced into the Hitler Youth when competing groups, including the Boy Scouts, Catholic and Lutheran youth movements were disbanded. From what I understand, HJ Flak Helpers didn't actually load or fire the guns, they were there to run errands for the adult crews, including fetching them beer. In the chaos at the end of the war, a lot of Germans fled their jobs and neighborhoods. I didn't intend to slander young Joseph Ratzinger for his wartime participation, he really didn't have much of a choice, but when he did, he took it. In all my years of Catholic schooling I never saw an act of sexual abuse by a priest, nor did I observe any situations where that might have occurred. I can imagine it is difficult for a bishop or a Pope to have immediate knowledge of a crime that is committed in private. The church is in need of reform, and has shown itself capable over the centuries, but in this particular problem, it will have to await the election of a more liberal Pope who was educated in a different era.
Sir, How I do wish that our Politicians would leave the relgious stuff to 'da Pope, after all that is is 'his' job, not there's !
Wow! That's enough to piss off the...... you know who
Dave - I'd love to think that this little verse had pissed off the Pope, even a little bit. Kind of payback for the number of times the Pope has pissed me off ;-)
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