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Song Parodies -> "I Used To Drink Alone Until I Had To Get A Loan To Drink"

Original Song Title:

"I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Major General"

Original Performer:

Gilbert and Sullivan

Parody Song Title:

"I Used To Drink Alone Until I Had To Get A Loan To Drink"

Parody Written by:

Airfarcewon

The Lyrics

I used to drink alone, until I had to get a loan to drink
It made him feel like I had class to listen to the glasses clink
I owned an eight room house, in every room I built a bar and sink
Of evolutionary drunks, I guess I was the missing link

I started out with beer and soon I graduated to dry gin
I tried a sip of this, and then I tried a sip of that again
I just kept pourin' more and more and failed to see the war begin
The battle with the bottle that I never was about to win

(The battle with the bottle that he never was about to win)
(Although he took good aim with all the shots he used to shooter in)
(The only thing he wiped out was himself from ooze of booze within..his skin)

I guess I had it bad, the local AA even turned me down
With all the fumes they said it wasn't safe to smoke with me around
I moved out to Milwaukee and became more famous than the town
I bought myself a brew'ry and I drank so much, I damned near drowned

(He moved out to Milwaukee and became more famous than the town)
(He bought himself a brew'ry and he drank so much, he damned near drowned)

Went busted, started bummin'..beggin' money on the street for ale
I wouldn't work, and like a jerk, I jumped on that purse snatchin' trail
Cops caught me lootin' garbage, suckin' beer out of the empties, stale
But, then they let me go because they said I wasn't fit for jail

One day while I was dyin' for a drink, a drop, or just a smell
I had a nightmare vision and I stood outside the gates of hell
Beside me there was Old Jim Beam, Jack Daniels, Adolph Coors, as well
A smirk was on their faces and I thought they all had been my pal

(Yes, standing there was Old Jim Beam, Jack Daniels, Adolph Coors, as well)
(A smirk was on their faces and he thought they all had been his pal)
(A smirk was on their faces and he thought they all had been his pal..oh, well)

The flames shot up around me, and the devil said, "Now, it's your turn.."
He poked me with a pitchfork and he said, "Well, maybe now you'll learn !"
My body was pure alcohol, and Man, you should've seen me burn
They gathered up my ashes and they put 'em in a six pack urn

(His body was pure alcohol, and Man, you should've seen him burn)
(They gathered up his ashes and they put' em in six pack urn)

I woke up from this dreadful dream and fin'lly saw the light of day
Deserted to the desert where the closet bar is miles away
The sand is my religion, every night, me and the cactus pray
Already it's the first of June, and I ain't touched a drink since May

I learned from old Ewell Gibbons, and I dabbled into nature's kind
Exper'mented with Yucca plants and came up with a tasty wine
I live on snakes and lizards and my walkman plays, "Sweet Adeline"
The world might call me crazy, but I'm feelin' very sane and fine

(He lives on snakes and lizards and his walkman plays "Sweet Adeline")
(The world might call him crazy, but he's feelin' very sane and fine)
(The world might call him crazy, but he's feelin' very sane and fine, real fine)

I studied on my problem and believe, at last, I found the kink
I'm guzzl'in booze from plastic now, so I won't have to hear a clink
The moral of my story is, when your whole life is on the brink
Find a way to drink alone and will not need a loan to drink..

(The moral of his story is, when your whole life is on the brink
(Find a way to drink alone, and never need a loan to drink...







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 LittleLots
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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 18

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 2
 1
 
 5   18
 16
 17
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

AFW - March 17, 2006 - Report this comment
First verse...second line...third word, change "Him" to "Me"...Stupid goof, even after proof reading three or four times...
alvin rhodes - March 17, 2006 - Report this comment
i laughed hard until it was hard to laugh
Dirty Hairy - March 17, 2006 - Report this comment
You drink 16 shots, and whaddaya get? I whole lotta buzzin' and sicker than Sh!t. This is great stuff, Lots of great lines. I see this has been done many times on Amiright, and I haven't read many of them, but I bet this is among the best.
John Barry - March 17, 2006 - Report this comment
Excellent! 5-5-5
AFW - March 17, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks, alvin..........thanks, DH...sounds like a good 16 tons parody idea, ya got there...........and thanks, John
Cat - March 17, 2006 - Report this comment
WOW. AFW, why the hell don't you enter SOTM contests?!? Oh geez. Now I absolutely have to do this sucker before the day I die. I've already done TWOTEF, so this is the only real huge obstacle left for me. (And I just realized that I used a whole lot of acronyms in this post, BTW. =D)
Stuart McArthur - March 17, 2006 - Report this comment
Excellent story, wordplay and rhyming, AFW, and intuitive pacing, which is so important with MMG - 555
Rex - March 17, 2006 - Report this comment
I raise my glass and toast this parody - hic!
Lionel Mertens - March 17, 2006 - Report this comment
SOTM
AFW - March 17, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks, Cat,.....in answer to SOTM entries...Appreciate your kind comments...and actually, getting favorable remarks and votes from top writers, like yourself, and others listed above, and/or below, is already a win for me........................Thank you, Stuart..always appreciate your vote and comments........................Thank you, Rex..I'll join you in that drink...............and thank you, Lionel
Tommy Turtle - March 17, 2006 - Report this comment
Where do those who are rejected by AA and jail go? To AmIRight, apparently... :) 555.

BTW, not to be too anal, but in the interest of best understanding, does "closet bar" refer to a gay bar, or is it a typo for "closest bar"?
Red Ant - March 18, 2006 - Report this comment
Drinking in bars is way too expensive; George Thorogood had the right song title for the wrong reasons. Fav line: "I'm guzzl'in booze from plastic now, so I won't have to hear a clink"; glass has that nasty tendency to break when dropped: true alcohol abuse. Loved the title too.
Larry Hensley - March 18, 2006 - Report this comment
Amazing parody, 555 proof
AFW - March 18, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks, Tommy......Dang! another goof...yeah, type error...I'm gonna' have to make you my new proof reader...................................thanks, Red Ant.....and thanks, Larry
John Jenkins - March 18, 2006 - Report this comment
Great title, and excellent job of maintaing the humor all the way through. And delivering a good message.
AFW - March 18, 2006 - Report this comment
My thanks to you, John
TT - March 18, 2006 - Report this comment
One of those rare cases where a typo actually could give another plausible meaning, else wouldn't have mentioned it... :)
Matthias - March 18, 2006 - Report this comment
I think you just outdone the impossible, and created the best Major-Modern General Song on this entire website!!! I mean, Holy Cow!!! This is quite the amazing stunt!!!
AFW - March 18, 2006 - Report this comment
I see what you mean, TT..but, it still bugs me to goof with a word or line on submits...once it's here, it's chiseled in stone......................and I modestly thank you for such complimentary commentary, Matthias.......
Luke Brattoni - March 19, 2006 - Report this comment
Very well executed with brilliant jokes, internal rhyming and narrative. 555 proof.
AFW - March 19, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks to you, Luke
AA aka TT - March 19, 2006 - Report this comment
Maybe submit song before drinking, instead of after??? :) :) :) :)
AFW - March 20, 2006 - Report this comment
Lol.....Ha, ha...I think you've hit on the problem, here....TT
Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd - March 20, 2006 - Report this comment
To quote The Donnas: "I'm on my second drink, but I've had a few before". If a few is three that makes it five, and I'll second all the previous 5s too.
AFW - March 20, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks, Peter
Jeff Reuben - March 21, 2006 - Report this comment
This would be a classic Country Music Title and song. Great idea, and I enjoyed the song.
AFW - March 21, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks, Jeff

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