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Song Parodies -> "The Business Analyst's Song"

Original Song Title:

"The Major-General's Song"

Original Performer:

Gilbert and Sullivan

Parody Song Title:

"The Business Analyst's Song"

Parody Written by:

Phil Alexander

The Lyrics

A competition entry which contains at last count exactly six hundred words... I only had to add four lines ;-)
THE BUSINESS ANALYST:
I am the very model of a modern Business Analyst
I'm often seen on telly as a business kind of panelist
I fight with old style dinosaurs who often are just COBOL-ers
And ornery nuclear types who I have termed "Chernobylers"

I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters analytical
I understand the people though I do stay apolitical
My reportage is packed with facts, I never put in no guesses
With most far-reaching insight into all your business processes

ALL:
With most far-reaching insight into all your business processes
With most far-reaching insight into all your business processes
With most far-reaching insight into all your business processes

THE BUSINESS ANALYST:
I'm not at all mechanical: I don't know what a tappet is
I'm recommending Microsoft, although I know what crap it is
In short, in matters changeable, requiring of a catalyst
I am the very model of a modern Business Analyst

ALL:
In short, in matters changeable, requiring of a catalyst
He is the very model of a modern Business Analyst

THE BUSINESS ANALYST:
I'm very good at mapping just precisely where your data goes
And drawing very prettily di-agrammatic dataflows
My pie charts are so complex that I may well run some classes on
My graphics are so colourful, you'd better put sunglasses on

I can create slide shows with such pretty pics in Powerpoint
In fact they are so very good, they never, ever disappoint
Then I can send them as attachments running into gigabytes
And use up so much bandwidth that Exchange starts needing bigger bites

ALL:
And use up so much bandwidth that Exchange starts needing bigger bites
And use up so much bandwidth that Exchange starts needing bigger bites
And use up so much bandwidth that Exchange starts needing bigger bites

THE BUSINESS ANALYST:
Then I can draw you flow charts which use symbols so syntactical
They'll show up nothing useful, at least nothing that is practical
I bullshit boards and directors, a professional flannelist
I am the very model of a modern Business Analyst

ALL:
He bullshits boards and directors, a professional flannelist
He is the very model of a modern Business Analyst

THE BUSINESS ANALYST:
In fact, when I know what is meant by "profit-led regroundizing"
When I come up with something more than voluntary downsizing
When such affairs as takeovers no longer are closed books to me
And share price fixing so and so's no longer look like crooks to me

When I have learnt what arms there are in modern business gunnery,
When I know more of commerce than a novice in a nunnery--
In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy,
You'll say this Business Analyst is worthy of a fatter fee

ALL:
You'll say this Business Analyst is worthy of a fatter fee
You'll say this Business Analyst is worthy of a fatter fee
You'll say this Business Analyst is worthy of a fatter fee

THE BUSINESS ANALYST:
With my commercial knowledge I am not quite sure what commerce is
(And to increase the word-count I am subtly adding more verses)
And while I am adept it's true at business kinds of modelling
The impact of my changes is approximate to yodelling

And though my understanding doesn't stretch to very much at all
It doesn't really matter because no-one else here knows f*** all
And so in matters businesslike since anyone began a list
I am the very model of a modern Business Analyst

ALL:
And so in matters businesslike since anyone began a list
He is the very model of a modern business analyst

Your Vote & Comment Counts

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.5
How Funny: 4.4
Overall Rating: 4.5

Total Votes: 14

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 1
 1
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 1
 0
 
 4   3
 3
 3
 
 5   10
 9
 10
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Billy Florio - August 05, 2003 - Report this comment
EXCELLENT! EXCELLENT! Maybe the best song of the day!
Michael Pacholek - August 05, 2003 - Report this comment
Of the summer!
John Jenkins - August 05, 2003 - Report this comment
This is the first time I have voted on a parody with "****" words because I consider them to be a surrender to a lack of creativity. But the other 598 words and the outstanding depiction of the Dilbert/Dogbert theme earned you all 5s.
Wild Man - August 05, 2003 - Report this comment
Phil , Chalupas Man Chalupas, 5,5,5
Phil Alexander - August 06, 2003 - Report this comment
Thanks for the comments, guys - I started writing this about me, in that it was a systems analyst/programmer song, but it I think it changed when I was reading a Dilbert cartoon a couple of weeks ago: I emailed Scott Adams a long while back because I was thinking of writing a Dilbertian Rhapsody, but he said that United Media owned the copyright and wouldn't give permission unseen (and I didn't want to write something that might be considered a copyright infringement without getting it checked out first)

JJ - I know what you mean - I use expletives sparsely, but occasionally for effect: e.g. saying "No-one else here knows sod all" (or one of a dozen different possibilities) didn't have the right sort of kick to it.
wdh - August 06, 2003 - Report this comment
Awesome! You really want to win, don't you? ;-)
Phil - August 06, 2003 - Report this comment
Well, wdh, I enjoy parody writing, but most of all I enjoy writing good parodies: ones which I can look back on and feel good about. To be honest, winning isn't that important to me, but feeling that my entries are up to scratch most definitely is (and I do set myself rather high standards).
Claude Prez - August 09, 2003 - Report this comment
Outstanding.
Spaff.com - August 19, 2003 - Report this comment
I'm ashamed to admit that I don't know much Gilbert & Sullivan, but I'm willing to learn, if only to better enjoy your parodies. But I know good rhymes when I see them, and this baby is overflowing with them.
neminem - May 04, 2004 - Report this comment
Just came across this. Absolutely wonderful.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - May 04, 2004 - Report this comment
I had to put my sunglasses on for this blinding effort! A credit to the cubicle-monkey occupation! Take a five! And another! Oh, why not one more?!
Phil Alexander - May 04, 2004 - Report this comment
:-) Thank you. I kind of like this one, too.
martha - May 12, 2004 - Report this comment
brilliant parody Phil.. just noticed that you had directed me to it on a comment from my version of this ..great!
Phil Alexander - May 12, 2004 - Report this comment
I thought it would be your kind of song, Martha :-)
Ashkicksass - July 28, 2004 - Report this comment
It's like you wrote a song about my friggin life, Phil! Mere words can't touch on how great this is...
Phil Alexander - July 28, 2004 - Report this comment
You're too kind... you mean you really *are* some kind of business analyst?
Ashkicksass - July 29, 2004 - Report this comment
Yeah...except without the title or salary!

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