COULTER
I am the very model of a libel-spewing hypocrite
When a source is conservative, I'm not afraid to rip off it
I attack all things liberal with Freudian tenacity
And hate it that Al Franken has exposed all my mendacity.

As critics of the left wing go, I'm really not the gentle-est
Considering I'm so right wing and bloody fundamentalist
I helped prosecute Bill when he was kicking it with Monica
And now I make my living saying that Franken is moronic, duh!

CHORUS OF CONSERVATIVES
And now she makes her living saying that Franken is moronic, duh!
And now she makes her living saying that Franken is moronic, duh!
And now she makes her living saying that Franken is moronic, duh!

COULTER
I think folks should be jailed for disagreeing with George W.
And if you say I'm lying, well, then, you should be in trouble too!
I stole not from the New York Times, no really, not a bit of it!
I am the very model of a Libel-spewing Hypocrite!

CHORUS OF CONSERVATIVES
She stole not from the New York Times, no really, not a bit of it
She is the very model of a Libel-spewing Hypocrite!

COULTER
Agreeing with my colleagues, it should be clear that I like the war
Unlike that stupid fatass traitorous dissenter Michael Moore
George W is brill-i-ant, especially when war's at hand
He only won this round because John Kerry's unfit for command!

George Bush was right whole time, and the liberals call him wrong still
He's right about Iraq, and we should keep ignoring Kim Jong il.
Unlike that Bill O' Reilly I'm not quite so gruff or blustering
But I'm just as outspoken on that stupid fillibustering!

CHORUS OF CONSERVATIVES
But she's just as outspoken on that stupid fillibustering!
But she's just as outspoken on that stupid fillibustering!
But she's just as outspoken on that stupid fillibustering!

COULTER
They say that my ideals sometimes do not make a speck of sense
Such as the fact abortion is the height of sin and decadence
Well, on those stupid liberals I'm telling you I'm fit to spit!
I am the very model of a libel-spewing hypocrite!

CHORUS OF CONSERVATIVES
Well, on those stupid liberals she's telling you she's fit to spit
She is the very model of a libel-spewing hypocrite!

COULTER
In fact, when I know what is meant by citing sources properly
And Franken and his books don't make the least attempt to stopper me
And liberals stop their bitching that Bush fails astronomically
In ways in which he handles all our problems economically,
In short, when people wish that they could out and say they hate me but,
Know that dissent like that would mark them clearly as no patriot,
Why, then for our administration I will have the highest praise
For stifling all dissent in such incredibly fascistic ways!

CHORUS OF CONSERVATIVES
We'll stifle all dissent in such incredibly fascistic ways!
We'll stifle all dissent in such incredibly fascistic ways!
We'll stifle all dissent in such incredibly fascistic ways!

COULTER
I hope that one day that'll happen, maybe it will, we will see
In the meantime I'll simply argue totally medievally.
I know the sources all are wrong that say that I'm a piece of shit
I am the very model of a Libel-spewing hypocrite!

CHORUS OF CONSERVATIVES
She knows the sources all are wrong that say that she's a piece of shit
She is the very model of a Libel-spewing hypocrite!