I am the body double of that hunk called Allan Quatermain
I wake up early, stay up late, always play him in the rain
I get to carry weapons, and I'm always fighting on the train
I take his bath, I eat his food, but mostly I just feel his pain

I have to follow close behind when he goes on sabbatical
I pay the price most of the time when he does something radical
Never seems to hurt him when there is something bad that he will choose
He's blessed with luck while I must still recover from last summer's bruise

He's blessed with luck while I must still recover from last summer's bruise
He's blessed with luck while I must still recover from last summer's bruise
He's blessed with luck while I must still recover from last summer's llama bruise

They give him lines for what he says and on the screen he'll never cuss
He's calm and quite terrific it don't matter how they pester us
He does tasks so impossible, he'll fly planes and lead campaigns
I am the body double of the hero Allan Quatermain

He does tasks so impossible, he'll fly planes and lead campaigns
I am the body double of the hero Allan Quatermain

Recovered from my injuries, I'll spend my day just climbing rocks
And then I'll get quite nauseated in a truck that's got bad shocks
I'm chased by rabid tree bats all the while he's sleeping in his bus
That's why the local newspaper says he never makes a fuss

I can jump from house rooftops to grab some curtains that wave in the breeze
Backflip off running horses I'm still landing on my feet with ease
Start fighting then I'll let somebody run my head right through a door
And ride across the desert on a camel until I'm too sore

And ride across the desert on a camel until I'm too sore
And ride across the desert on a camel until I'm too sore
And ride across the desert on a camel until both my cheeks are sore

I'm waiting for the ship to sail to fall overboard in a storm
Then drown my arm in honey and then wait for the bees to swarm
I get hit when he starts trouble, gets no blame, it's all a game
I am the body double of that fraud called Allan Quatermain

I get hit when he starts trouble, gets no blame, it's all a game
I am the body double of that fraud called Allan Quatermain

Open both eyes cause I've been hit by darts most when we're travelin'
When rabbits are in sight then I've got nothing I can trap 'em in
But I've no map of diamonds or treasures or where they're buried at
So I'm prob'ly out of danger until they find a bigger cat

When I found out that my life now has become such a tragedy
Why details of my work's been put into some kind of parody
You know I find it flattering at least no one makes fun of me
You'll like it better, Indiana Jones was no catastrophy

You'll like it better, Indiana Jones was no catastrophy
You'll like it better, Indiana Jones was no catastrophy
You'll like it better, Indiana Jones was no box office malady

Though I never went to college I am sweaty and driven by greed
Us rugged men seemed great in the beginning, now need therapy
He's short in manners sociable, he'll kiss dames and sip champagne
I am the body double of that loser Allan Quatermain

I'm short in manners sociable, I kiss dames, I sip champagne
I am the body double of that loser Allan Quatermain