When you're trying to fight
An election tonight
But debate is right off the agenda
Your opponent may use
Any method he'll choose
To try and force you through the blender
For though he's uninspiring,
He's always conspiring
Of possible vict'ry to plunder you
Everyone despises
His rumour and lies-es
As he pulls that rug out from under you

And underhand trickies
Like photoshop piccies
Are posted on thousands of websites
And rumours abound
About where you've been found
Or your standing on possible plebiscites
And you're hearing that creep
Bleating on to his sheep
They don't care that the language is mangled
He says he hates all tax
(Yep, including syntax)
And you figure his tongue has been tangled

Well, you get some respite
From his underhand fight
Because someone's exposed his skulduggery
But the myriad schemes
Of his back-room boy teams
Throw out more political thuggery
For they say you've been lying
And scheming and trying
To undermine this, your own country
And although it's untrue
By the time that is proved
Your support's dropped and you're up a gum tree

All the people you meet
Hate the lies and deceit
But you can still see its effect on 'em
They get turned off and bored
But they can't be ignored
Why not try the effect of respect on 'em
But now you're overhauling
His standing is falling
And so dirty tricks will get nastier
He'll prattle and prate
And he'll insinuate
That you winning would be a disastier

Ev'ry opposing scrote
Out of context will quote
And suggest you said things that you didn't
As they play silly games
And they call you bad names
When you call for the truth that they've hidden't
But this you can't stand
(And I guess that was planned)
As their asinine stunt-rate it quickens
For they try lots and lots
Of ridiculous plots -
Oh yes, you could say the plot sickens

And he and his crew
And the bile they spew
And the great pile of time they've invested in
Telling the press
Of some invented mess
That no one at all's interested in
Their latest device is
To come up with crises
A-heightening fears of terror
But when things go well, you
Know they'll never tell you
This whole warning thing was an error

You get a good Tory
To plant a small story
He isn't aware of the truth of it
For the rumour takes root
And mistrust will shoot
And nobody will have the proof of it
No one can excuse
All that crap from Fox News
Even when they admit that they made it up
From a rumour so small
It was no good at all
'Til unscrupulous editors played it up

And something much horrider
's happening in Florida:
Mass voter disenfranchisement
But the harridan cat
Who had organized that
Escaped with a minor chastisement

Now that polling's begun
No one knows who has won
Though the odds are remote
You must wait for the vote
And it's oh, so intense
You can't bear the suspense
'Cause the voting is tight
They're recounting all night
There is good and there's bad
One or two hanging chads
The occasional fight
'tween the Left and the Right
As the lead ebbs and flows
I guess everyone knows
That it certainly ain't a walkover

Now the votes have been cast
Polling's over at last
The campaign has been long
(Quite as bad as this song)
And thank goodness it's, all of it, over