[Frodo]
So Sam and I are headed off to Mordor to destroy the Ring
I think we're being followed by some slimy little muppet thing
The critter has been chasing us because we have his Preciouses
But I am gonna keep it here safely in my pocketses

I do not think he's happy that my uncle found his little cave
He seemed to take it personally, oh how he did rant and rave
I think he may well flip if he finds out what we are doing here

[Gollum]
They're gonna get a pasting, yes their ends are getting very near

They're gonna get a pasting, yes their ends are getting very near
They're gonna get a pasting, yes their ends are getting very near
They're gonna get a pasting, yes their ends are getting very, very near

We'll lead them through the marshes where they'll go insane and lose their grip
We're sure the little scrawny one is on the edge, he's gonna flip
We'll take them off to Morannon and give them to the soldiers there
Then Preciouses will be back with the only one that really cares

We'll take them off to Morannon and give them to the soldiers there
Then Preciouses will be back with the only one that really cares

[Smeagol]
But Master said he'd be nice if we showed him how to get inside
The bulbous one will hurt us if he ever find's out we have lied
We think it's time we started to be nice and go along with them

[Gollum]
Just take them off to Shelob, and then she can do away with them

-------------

[Aragorn, to Eomer]
We're chasing orcs and Uruk-hai, they ran off with our little friends
And if we do not catch them then our world, it very well may end
So could you please be kind and tell us whether they went left or right

[Eomer]
I'm sorry, matey boy, but there was nothing left alive last night

[Riders]
He's sorry, matey boy, but there was nothing left alive last night
He's sorry, matey boy, but there was nothing left alive last night
He's sorry, matey boy, but there was nothing left alive, alive last night

[Aragorn]
We found the bodies piled next to Fangorn and we stood aghast
Our mini-ature buddies may just well have come to breathe their last
And though we three are very brave, and really quite adventury
This forest makes us wish we'd just stayed home and had a cup of tea

[Legolas / Gimli]
And though we three are very brave, and really quite adventury
This forest makes us wish we'd just stayed home and had a cup of tea

[Aragorn]
When Gandalf showed up living, it was really rather puzzling
We thought he'd bought the farm when he was playing with that Balrog thing
He took us to see Theoden, to him we made it pretty clear
That soon he would be dead unless he quickly got his arse in gear

We headed for the Hornburg, 'cause we thought that we may just survive
Within this sturdy fortress, it was likely we could stay alive
Then Gandalf said he'd be back in a day or two (or maybe five)
Without him, we thought we were stuffed until some friendly elves arrived

[Helm's Deep defenders]
Without him, we thought we were stuffed until some friendly elves arrived
Without him, we thought we were stuffed until some friendly elves arrived
Without him, we thought we were stuffed until some very friendly elves arrived

[Aragorn]
Although we fought them off, we're feeling knackered and a little stressed
And Legolas and Gimli can't stop arguing o'er who is best
They think it quite important that they tally up the orcs they hit
Whoever has the lower score will surely throw a hissy fit

[Gimli / Legolas]
We think it quite important that we tally up the orcs we hit
Whoever has the lower score will surely throw a hissy fit