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Song Parodies -> "A Hobbit's Tale, Episode II: Frodo & Sam's Bogus J"

Original Song Title:

"I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Major-general"

Original Performer:

Gilbert and Sullivan

Parody Song Title:

"A Hobbit's Tale, Episode II: Frodo & Sam's Bogus J"

Parody Written by:

Adam Eccleshall

The Lyrics

I was a bit miffed at only getting one part of the story in the last one, so I thought I'd try for the trilogy.

Although the song is based more on the film than the book, I've arranged it like the book as two distinct sections, because all that flipping around the plot lines hurts my brain.
[Frodo]
So Sam and I are headed off to Mordor to destroy the Ring
I think we're being followed by some slimy little muppet thing
The critter has been chasing us because we have his Preciouses
But I am gonna keep it here safely in my pocketses

I do not think he's happy that my uncle found his little cave
He seemed to take it personally, oh how he did rant and rave
I think he may well flip if he finds out what we are doing here

[Gollum]
They're gonna get a pasting, yes their ends are getting very near

They're gonna get a pasting, yes their ends are getting very near
They're gonna get a pasting, yes their ends are getting very near
They're gonna get a pasting, yes their ends are getting very, very near

We'll lead them through the marshes where they'll go insane and lose their grip
We're sure the little scrawny one is on the edge, he's gonna flip
We'll take them off to Morannon and give them to the soldiers there
Then Preciouses will be back with the only one that really cares

We'll take them off to Morannon and give them to the soldiers there
Then Preciouses will be back with the only one that really cares

[Smeagol]
But Master said he'd be nice if we showed him how to get inside
The bulbous one will hurt us if he ever find's out we have lied
We think it's time we started to be nice and go along with them

[Gollum]
Just take them off to Shelob, and then she can do away with them

-------------

[Aragorn, to Eomer]
We're chasing orcs and Uruk-hai, they ran off with our little friends
And if we do not catch them then our world, it very well may end
So could you please be kind and tell us whether they went left or right

[Eomer]
I'm sorry, matey boy, but there was nothing left alive last night

[Riders]
He's sorry, matey boy, but there was nothing left alive last night
He's sorry, matey boy, but there was nothing left alive last night
He's sorry, matey boy, but there was nothing left alive, alive last night

[Aragorn]
We found the bodies piled next to Fangorn and we stood aghast
Our mini-ature buddies may just well have come to breathe their last
And though we three are very brave, and really quite adventury
This forest makes us wish we'd just stayed home and had a cup of tea

[Legolas / Gimli]
And though we three are very brave, and really quite adventury
This forest makes us wish we'd just stayed home and had a cup of tea

[Aragorn]
When Gandalf showed up living, it was really rather puzzling
We thought he'd bought the farm when he was playing with that Balrog thing
He took us to see Theoden, to him we made it pretty clear
That soon he would be dead unless he quickly got his arse in gear

We headed for the Hornburg, 'cause we thought that we may just survive
Within this sturdy fortress, it was likely we could stay alive
Then Gandalf said he'd be back in a day or two (or maybe five)
Without him, we thought we were stuffed until some friendly elves arrived

[Helm's Deep defenders]
Without him, we thought we were stuffed until some friendly elves arrived
Without him, we thought we were stuffed until some friendly elves arrived
Without him, we thought we were stuffed until some very friendly elves arrived

[Aragorn]
Although we fought them off, we're feeling knackered and a little stressed
And Legolas and Gimli can't stop arguing o'er who is best
They think it quite important that they tally up the orcs they hit
Whoever has the lower score will surely throw a hissy fit

[Gimli / Legolas]
We think it quite important that we tally up the orcs we hit
Whoever has the lower score will surely throw a hissy fit
Coming soon: A Hobbit's Tale, Episode III

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.7
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 6

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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User Comments

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Ashkicksass - August 25, 2004 - Report this comment
Adam, this is your best yet! You impress me more and more with every parody you write!
Arwen - August 25, 2004 - Report this comment
Damn You Adam!! You're really starting to make me look like a total loser, as my leagues of LOTR parodies aren't nearly as good as yours...; ) 5s!
Adam Eccleshall - August 25, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks Ashkicksass and Arwen- comments like these make writing this stuff even more fun :-)

I'm a little miffed that the title got truncated from "Bogus Journey", though :-(
The Thought Police - August 25, 2004 - Report this comment
Not "Bogus" dude---"Excellent"!
2nz - August 25, 2004 - Report this comment
Nice one Adam. I can't say I'm happy that you rhymed 'with them' with 'with them', but considering the song and the title: Frodo and Sam's Bogus Journey, I think a just reward for yer effort is in order. Kind of reminds me of a LOTR tribute I did once. You ever hear of the 'Another Hobbit's Tale' series?
Adam Eccleshall - August 26, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks Thought Police and 2nz.

2nz: Yeah, I was rather frustrated that I couldn't get a better rhyme for that myself :-( I have seen your Another Hobbit's Tale series, but I don't know most of the original songs, so I can't comment / vote on them (yet... :-))
Glen S - February 24, 2013 - Report this comment
Still excellent Adam. on my visit 9 years later, the first rhyme stood out 'Destroy the Ring/Muppet Thing', and the tone throughout this excellently highlighted the different stories, which I appreciate you separating out like the books did. Great, GREAAT

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