I am a fairly muddled up and rotten musical teacher.
Unsure if I am human, so presumin' I'm a wild creature.
My knowledge of musicals is a marvel that should be adored.
You students should not act like rehearsals are times to be abhorred.
I know this opera backwards, every word of every aria.
But if you don't, I'll slit your throat and post it home via courier.
I start off rather jovial but don't you start to misbehave.
As this sort of demeanour makes me meaner than a tidal wave.

I'm very good at playing the piano just a tad too fast,
So that you cannot breathe and start to wheeze after the verse is past.
In short, just flatter shamelessly, make worship of me a feature.
Cuz I'm a fairly muddled up and rotten musical teacher.

I see prolific misery after your flirting I abort,
Like cancer, I'm all over you after any hint of consort.
I shout quite maniac-ally at any possible suspects,
Who even think they can begin to mix with the opposite sex.
I can tell undoubted lies from the excuses that you offer me,
As if you've learnt the words after you churned out that cacophany!
You are so dumb it's amusing when you try to contest my law,
I bristle my neck hairs and start to scold your constantly vile form.

And I turn white like frosting if you speak when I begin to talk,
I'll gnash my teeth then slash your feet, my face gone from crimson to chalk.
In short, just flatter shamelessly, make worship of me a feature.
Cuz I'm a fairly muddled up and rotten musical teacher

Our rehearsals are shambles, a heart-attack I'll be havin' soon.
You won't listen, whether I'm being nice or like a mad monsoon.
With such unfair circumstances, where is my secretary at?
I need to tell her to sell all my shares in this play. Bury it!
You students are so retarded in learning choreography .
I swear you spend more time rehearsing notes for your geography.
Unless you want to end up in intensive care from battery,
You should just know your parts, be still and shower me with flattery.

Finally it's open night and the play is being performed.
Your voices all sound perfect from practise, maybe a bit deformed.
But who takes all the credit, laps up praise like a fat fame leecher?
It's me, the fairly muddled up and rotten musical teacher!!!