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Song Parodies -> "I Doubt If I Shall Ever See A Dog Not Need A Tree To Pee"

Original Song Title:

"I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Major General"

Original Performer:

Gilbert And Sullivan

Parody Song Title:

"I Doubt If I Shall Ever See A Dog Not Need A Tree To Pee"

Parody Written by:

Airfarcewon

The Lyrics

I doubt if I shall ever see a dog not need a tree to pee
To paraphrase Joyce Kilmer's line in his great shine of poetry,
One could suppose that trees are chose as urinals of many dogs..
Because the bark ignites some spark attraction for vert-I-cal logs..

At any rate, such yellow fate awaits the maples, oaks, and elms
And each Spot chance, three legged dance, does not enhance, it overwhelms..
Much disrespect, of which I talk, and sad dilemma, as it were
If roots were legs and trees could walk, I'm sure they'd move or kick the cur

(If roots were legs and trees could walk, I'm sure they'd move or kick the cur)
(No doubt it makes the white pine pine, and does disturb the fir, I'm sure)
(If roots were legs and trees could walk, I'm sure they'd move or kick the pidd'lin' cur)

The only break poor trees can take is when a fire hydrant's near
That handy corner faucet stump gets rumped by many puppy's rear
Most likely, mutts think it's a bush, or consolation prize they see
At such a time you're gonna' find some dogs not need a tree to pee..

(Most likely, mutts think it's a bush, some consolation prize they see)
(So, at this time, you then may see a dog not need a tree to pee)..

Chihuahuas and Dachshunds are stub, so they get by with just a bush
Great Danes are tall long legged hunks, who could use redwoods for their tush
Unless they find a crab apple..some Pit Bulls have no organ pours
And I have heard that Labradors will often choose the sycamores

Old English Sheepdogs, plucky, pert..pick hick'ry trees to spray their squirt
Amer-i-can foxhounds wet birch, after they've sniffed and scratched the dirt
A Beagle, as Old Snoopy is, pre-firs blue spruce to ooze a whiz
When a Dalmatian claims a spot, the poplar tree's pop'larly his

(A Beagle, as Old Snoopy is, pre-firs blue spruce to ooze a whiz
(When a Dalmatian claims a spot, the poplar tree's pop'larly his)
(When that Dalmatian claims a spot, the poplar tree's pop'larly his..for biz)

Golden Retrievers, as they're known, become depositors of gold,
'Cause they target magnolia trees, and add more yellow to behold
Alaskan Huskies have it rough, with not a lot of trees to choose
If unhooked from their dogsleds they will seek to find some nice white spruce

(Alaskan Huskies have it rough with not a lot of trees to choose)
(If unhooked from their dogsleds they will seek to find a nice white spruce)

Down south when canines stoop-a-low, they'll often spray a tupelo
The Saint Bernard, a gallon seeps..the reason why a willow weeps
And pussy willows are, of course, for mainly female dog's leak source
While Afghan hound's long limbed and tall, so palm trees trunk can handle all..

A fluffy little poodle pet, often, on cottonwood uncorks
And Basset hounds with ears abound require cedars for their works
Sleek Greyhounds love bus tire wheels, think namesake gives their ass a pass
To Boxers, boxelder appeals..Rottweilers pee on sassafras

(The Greyhounds use bus tire wheels, think namesake gives their ass a pass)
(For Boxers, boxelder appeals..Rottweilers pee on sassafras)
(For Boxers, boxelder appeals..Rottweilers pee only on sassafras)

An Irish Setter sets his sights on ash trees when it is his turn
The Boston Terrier delights in dampening a boston fern
If there's one kind of tree that grows, that all would choose, second to none
I guess it'd come as no surprise, the dogwood tree would be the one

(Again repeating Kilmer's line in his great shine of poetry)
(I doubt if I shall ever see a dog not need a tree to pee)

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 3

Voting Breakdown

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 5   3
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User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Old Man Ribber - March 10, 2011 - Report this comment
AFW - (singing from Pirates Of Penzance) "Hail, Poet Tree!". A truly overwhelming canine cantata. One of the Big Seven as well and beautifully done. ;D
AFW - March 10, 2011 - Report this comment
Thanks, OMR...appreciate your votes, comments, and support.
WarrenB - March 10, 2011 - Report this comment
Wow. Hats off to you , AFW. This must have taken some time to put together. And how you paired the dogs with their trees provided some great visuals. Kudos.
AFW - March 10, 2011 - Report this comment
Thanks, Warren, yes, it took a few hours and I was dog tired after-words. And I can tell by the quality of your parodies, that you're a bit of a time scholar, yourself..

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