I am the very model of a modern major conference
I've quite a perfect radius, diameter, circumference
I know all of my members whether Catholic or secular
I'll name them alphabetically in manners most spectacular:

Cincinnati sounds deceptively Mediterranean
In Hartford there plays UConn and likewise they're not Canadian
DePaul is nominally part but cannot ever win a game
In Washington is Georgetown where Pat Ewing is their claim to fame

Use three beats to say "Louisville" or else the rhythm goes to hell
And there's Marquette who still don't know just what they want to call themselves
Though Notre Dame's athletics still just are not what they used to be
At least they're not in Pittsburgh where Dave Wannstedt runs the football team

In Providence, Rhode Island they do not produce too many pros
At Rutgers they are known for having several nappy-headed hos
St. John's once had some crazy-looking sublimated uniforms
And Seton Hall is where the Pirates come at you in waves and swarms

South Florida's in Tampa which is really not that south at all
At Syracuse the roof inflates like a balloon or basketball
Then take the Main Line out to Villanova, hope the ride's not long
Then go to West Virginia while your toothless sister sucks your dong

So there you have a round sixteen but TCU just spoiled that
They're all the way in Texas, and they surely wear retarded hats
But rednecks they may be our fair Big East is full of tolerance,
That's why we are the model of a modern major conference.