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Song Parodies -> "I'm Certainly No Model Of An Amiwriter Deity"

Original Song Title:

"I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Major General"

Original Performer:

Gilbert And Sullivan

Parody Song Title:

"I'm Certainly No Model Of An Amiwriter Deity"

Parody Written by:

Old Man Ribber

The Lyrics

For the fifth of the amiright Impossible Seven, I attempt this Gilbert and Sullivan warhorse from The Pirates Of Penzance. In the parody, I poke fun at my relatively short time on this site, my poor submission work ethic, and my still-developing skills. The "rhyme-with-the-line" fades in and out like a low watt broadcasting station on a cheap car radio. ;D

I'm certainly no model of an amiwriter deity.
Upon the list of authors you will find me down at forty-three.
I'm crazy but I'm lazy and I'm prone to let my output slip
While serving my unnerving seventeen months of apprenticeship.
I improvise and sound so wise with skill and fine hilarity,
But writing here can cause me fear - there is a great disparity.
My written fare just can't compare and I am getting really miffed.
(Spoken: Miffed - that a bit tricky. Let's see. Got it!)
I'll never be another Shaw or Twain, Voltaire, or Johnny Swift.

But there's no song that I won't wrong - no tune that I will leave alone.
I won't desist! The words I'll twist - and play them on my slide trombone.
I get a lot of pleasure 'though it's obvious for all to see
I'm certainly no model of an amiwriter deity!

I'm lurking and I'm working on the Seven Songs the masters do.
I'm thinkin' if they're Lincoln than I've got to be George Double-U.
With rhyming and with timing I have more than just a bit of skill,
And guys like me who parody will always move in for the kill.
Consistency's still beyond me - sometimes I cannot get a laugh,
Because my brain's like thrashing grain - can't separate the wheat from chaff.
So on I pun, I've just begun - to ap-proach Aristophanes.
(Spoken: Aristophanes - that's much harder! Got it!)
There'll be no peace and I won't cease 'til you yell "Put a stop to these!".

For I'm not Byron (no denyin')! I'm just writing parody.
'Though I'm not Bach I will not squawk 'cause Tin Pan Alley's fine with me.
And 'though you might occasionally get a belly laugh from me,
I'm certainly no model of an amiwriter deity.

I'll take my turn and from you learn each nuance and each finer point,
And you can say? Some later day - another master you'll anoint.
'Til then I'll strive to write my jive and stay upon the chosen path.
I'll be direct and I'll deflect the unobomber's frozen wrath.
I will not stress - I'll comment less - until the Seven all are done.
When this one's through - I'll still have two - and it won't be a lot of fun.
I'll ply my jest and will not rest 'til my work's meritorious.
(Spoken: Meritorious - How do I get into these corners! Got it!)
When all my stuff's no longer fluff - sagacious and uproarious!

For there's a rumor that true humor - has a grain of truth in it.
So I will try while being sly to always use a bit of it.
Until that time 'though I can rhyme - I've too much mediocrity.
I'm certainly no model of an amiwriter deity!

Five down and still on schedule! A thought - as difficult as it was to write this, it would be infinitely more difficult to SING it! ;D

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.4
How Funny: 4.6
Overall Rating: 4.5

Total Votes: 14

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   1
 3   1
 4   0
 5   11

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Barry J. Mitchel - October 11, 2010 - Report this comment
Esp. liked ariSTOPhanes rhyme. You're giving good advice for all amIwriters. If you say "five down" (not a cross word), I say 555 up! ;- )
Mark Scotti - October 11, 2010 - Report this comment
Here's "fives" for a great "seven", Ribber!!!
Andy Primus - October 11, 2010 - Report this comment
What? No 111 scores yet! Nice double rhyming in the lines, but a shame that you didn't go for the trisyllabic endings. Still a superb bit of writing though. I presume you was doing a version that was performed solo, because of the lack of echo lines. Lines 8, 20 & 32 are all repeated 3 times over (with 2 extra syllables in each of the 3rd line repeats), and lines 11, 12, 23, 24, 35 & 36 are all repeated once. Gives you the opportunity to put an extra 15 lines in! Certainly worthy of the high score, so I give you the 555 and the benefit of the doubt about the version that you used. If you were just being lazy, then it's a 354. :) Hope I'm not being overly critical - no offence intended :)
TJC - October 11, 2010 - Report this comment
Deity? I have no doubt, though perhaps a minor one at this juncture... but read my lips sir, "your pantheon is unequivocally upwardly mobile"! By, Jove, OMR, thou steppest sprightly on the Stairway to Seven! [PS: Your 'Double-U' get was sublime--transubstancibaiting at its finest!]
Andy Primus - October 11, 2010 - Report this comment
PS - Caught you exc Am-Pie a day late & left a non critical comment
AFW - October 11, 2010 - Report this comment
Welcome to the IATVMOAMMG Club, OMR..Excellent rhyming, timing, and also pacing and phrasing.
Old Man Ribber - October 11, 2010 - Report this comment
Thanks for the kind comments. Yes...I was working from a solo version, Andy. Thanks for being understanding. ;D
Below Average Dave - October 11, 2010 - Report this comment
Still don't understand why this song is so popular here but good job on it
John Barry - October 11, 2010 - Report this comment
I beg to differ on your self-assessment.
WarrenB - October 12, 2010 - Report this comment
Echoing Mr. Barry's assessment of your assessment.
And one other note, of all the commenters on these pages, your words have been some of the most encouraging and kindest (if not 'pun'ishing!) to other writers like myself. To that, I say thank you to "That OMR whose punning is a verbal type of sentinel / Whose easy comments please with ease like verbal shots of Fentanyl."
Phil Alexander - October 12, 2010 - Report this comment
One thing that I say in reply, not at all compet-it-ive-ly
You understate and underrate yourself rather excessively
A god? you're not.. but here is what I'd say: you know nobody is
I guess I'm all what I would call an Amirighter atheist

Andria - October 12, 2010 - Report this comment
Good work, OMR! I haven't had time to be on AIR, but I enjoyed this parody. 5s.
Old Man Ribber - October 12, 2010 - Report this comment
Awww....thanks. ;D
Andria - October 12, 2010 - Report this comment
@OMR: You're welcome *hugs OMR*
Tommy Turtle - October 12, 2010 - Report this comment
What Andy P said about the tri-syllabic rhyming, as explained in this parody, which was in fact a guide for those attempting TOS:
"The Major-General's Parody's A Challenge Steep And Ominous":

The footnotes are admittedly a little long even for the most dedicated reader, but this is a complex song, and so can't be parsed in a few sentences. However, the very first part of said F/N discusses the rhyme scheme, which was not adhered to here.

Also, as AP pointed out, and the above-linked guide notes, the line scheme is 4-4-3-4-2, or 17 lines, three times, making a total of 51 lines. (One reason this parody is a beyatch, though still shorter than Am Pie's 120 or so.) So Andy is correct that your 36 lines are 15 lines short.

"Internal rhyming", as it's formally called, isn't a requirement; it's just a bonus that some of us like to add, because the song invites it and because it adds to the patter-flow. So no deduction there.

I can't give the benefit of the doubt that Andy gave, because you v/c'd the above-linked one, and therefore, "presumably" read it. At least, maybe should have *glanced* at the f/n? Congrats on trying, but I have to give the vote Andy would have: 3-5-4. I know you'll nail the next attempt!

Christie Marie M - October 12, 2010 - Report this comment
Ribber Mans The Big 7 #5! Just 2 more and you're on your way, man! Great effort on your part and looking forward to the last 2 of your big 7. You should also think about getting an account for inthe00' because you receive a Big 7 forum medal for it if you complete all Big 7 songs. 555...great job.
Ann Hammond - October 14, 2010 - Report this comment
It stinks no I'm just teasing
Old Man Ribber - October 14, 2010 - Report this comment
Thanks for the constructive commentaty...I appreciate it. ;D

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