Making fun of music, one song at a time. Since the year 2000.
Check out the two amIright misheard lyrics books including one book devoted to misheard lyrics of the 1980s.
(Toggle Right Side Navigation)

Song Parodies -> "I'm A Surviving Patient Of Some Very Major Surgery"

Original Song Title:

"I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Major General"

Original Performer:

Gilbert And Sullivan

Parody Song Title:

"I'm A Surviving Patient Of Some Very Major Surgery"

Parody Written by:

Airfarcewon

The Lyrics

I'm a surviving patient of some very major surgery
I had a heart attack at home, called 911 emergency
The ambulance came speeding in..about ten minutes, maybe less
They strapped me to a gurney, I was conscious off and on, I guess

A neighbor called my ex cross town, she showed up just before we left
I handed her the keys and said, "Lock up the house, I'm out a' breath."
The siren screamed and off we go, they ask my choice of hospital
Then take me to a different one, a place I never liked at all..

They take me to a different one. a place I never liked at all..
(Times Three)

I find out later, I was rushed up to the O.R. very quick
And learn they had to fibrillate my ticker cause it wouldn't tick
Because decisions were made fast by Doc of Cardiology,
I'm a surviving patient of some very major surgery..

Because decisions were made fast by Doc of Cardiology,
I'm a surviving patient of some very major surgery..

When I wake up I think, next day..but friends inform me later on
Lie in a coma for six days, the family thought my time was gone
In those six days weird nightmares loom, hallucinations, lifelike big
'Bout evil nurses and strange schemes, they're making me their guinea pig

I'm forced to leave the cranked-up bed, they take me to a torture room.
There, tie and bind me to a chair, and plan for my impending doom
Long tubes and wires run to clocks, odd gadgets placed around the wall
Pure oxygen is in those tubes, set to explode when big hands fall

Pure oxygen is in those tubes, set to explode when big hands fall
(Times three)

I'm stunned and shocked, yet strangely calm, considering I'll surely die
Their leader is an RN male, who says, "For Fun"..when I ask "Why?"
He checks all wires, tubes and stuff, as I survey his gadgetry
And strain to hear the sounds of night..sirens, I hope, police, will be..

He checks all wires, tubes and stuff, as I survey his gadgetry
And strain to hear the sounds of night..sirens, I hope, police, will be..

I watch as clock hands reach their time, there's just a click, then all is calm
The monstrous male nurse rushes in, frustrated with his dud-made bomb
Resets adjustments, here and there..but does no glancing at my chair
I should be screaming words, like "Help!" but all I do is sit and stare..

Again, he leaves, I'm left alone. I am not gagged, yet make no sound
I must be in a state of shock, all I can sense is my pulse pound
Another twenty minutes pass, I try to guess explosive's set
Shows 7:20 on the clock, looks like a 7:30 bet

Shows 7:20 on the clock, looks like a 7:30 bet
(Times three)

For eight straight passes in a row, his complicated bomb's a dud
He paces up and down the room, his face frustrated, gray as mud
But then, I see an evil grin..the wrinkling of his forehead stops
He says, "I know, I'll zap your heart with strong x-rays until it pops.."

But then, I see an evil grin..the wrinkling of his forehead stops
He says, "I know, I'll zap your heart with strong x-rays until it pops.."


I'm a surviving patient of some very major surgery
Now at the mercy of a man who's planning to dispose of me
It seems ironic to my mind, this heart attack I fought to win
Could somehow, indirectly lead to something that could do me in

The RN male now leaves the room, and takes with him his men of hench
They come back with a TV set, and by his side's an old nurse wench
They wheel an x-ray dolly in and snap one close shot of my chest
Much preperation is begun by hurried scurried rats of zest

Much preparation is begun by hurried scurried rats of zest
(Times three)

I'm restrained to the bed, in line..with a TV set on the floor
Where x-ray beams are coming through the screen to zap me more and more
As hours pass, beside my bed..RN's and nurses aids will stroll
From long exposure to x-ray..my feet and legs turn black as coal

As hours pass, beside my bed..RN's and nurses aids will stroll
From long exposure to x-ray..my feet and legs turn black as coal

Then I'm returned to my own room, where I am in a weakened state
I fall asleep exhaustedly, because the hour is so late
Next morning I am taken down and placed beneath a large x-ray
I feel great pressure in my chest that doesn't seem to go away

Back in my room when x-ray's done, it's hard for me to think at all
They hook me up to strange IV..Inject my veins with Panitol
It has an odor so distinct, I smell it everywhere, I think
Like in my nose tubed oxygen, and even water that I drink

Like in my nose tubed oxygen, and even water that I drink
(Times three)

I hear the telltale motor sound, on me, the TV's aimed, it seems
Strong x-ray waves are coming thru..I feel their chest disturbing beams
I hold up pillows to deflect the wrath of radiology
I'm a surviving patient of some very major surgery

I hold up pillows to deflect this wrath of radiology
I'm a surviving patient of some very major surgery

The RN male's obsessed with veins, those on my arm are tapped and puffed
And like some fiendish Frankenstein, he just can't seem to get enough
Always, it seems, I am restrained, for arms and legs, tight straps are chose
At night I'm forced to sleep this way, and I can't even scratch my nose

The days and nights are tortured hell, why I'm abused, does not seem clear
I tell my doctor what goes on, ask him to get me out of here
Fin'lly he says I will be moved.. up to the third floor, I think..good
That night an old nurse transports me.. the old wheel chair has wheels of wood

That night an old nurse transports me.. the old wheel chair has wheels of wood
(Times three)

Before I leave the room of doom, another male nurse makes a threat
He says, "You may be moving, son..but you can bet we'll get you yet.."
Though my new room is far away..I am concerned somehow, I mean
Remembering "The Godfather" ..espec'ally that hospital scene..

Hospital stay is sixteen days, plus rehab, fourteen pages torn
Lose thirty pounds arrive home weak..but feel like I have been reborn
I can't shake thoughts these dreams were real, because they play so vividly
I'm a surviving patient of some very major surgery

Still can't shake thoughts these dreams were real, because they play so vividly
I'm a surviving patient of some very major surgery






Your Vote & Comment Counts

The parody authors spend a lot of time writing parodies for the website and they appreciate feedback in the form of votes and comments. Please take some time to leave a comment below about this parody.

Place Your Vote

 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 



In order for your vote to count, you need to hit the 'Place Your Vote' button.
 

Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 13

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 0
 0
 
 5   13
 13
 13
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Timmy1000 - July 09, 2009 - Report this comment
Pretty grim tale, but well done using the Major General song.
John Barry - July 09, 2009 - Report this comment
Sounds too real to have been made up. Harrowingly funny.
Fiddlegirl - July 09, 2009 - Report this comment
That is an epic story, and an entertaining parody! ;) No numbers high enough!
Old Man Ribber - July 09, 2009 - Report this comment
Your work is always good...this is a whole level higher! If you can sing it at the original tempo, I'll be ready to proclaim you Master of All Time, Space, and Thingy! 5 -5 -5!
AFW - July 09, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks, Timmy, and John..., everything here is an actual account of my hallucinating,, dreaming, or whatever, caused by the coma, drugs, or whatever, during my hospital stay...so, in a way, it is real, at least, to me..and thanks, Fiddlegirl...and, OMR...I dreamed it, but I don't think I can sing it..Lol..I'm in the "Simon sez, 'Worst singer I ever heard' category"
UnKownNurse - July 09, 2009 - Report this comment
I am so sorry that this happened to you, Sir L'Air de Farce; it just confirms my belief that we need our entire US-Medical system revamped, quickly ! !
Michael Pacholek - July 09, 2009 - Report this comment
Look at it this way, AFW: A, it's over and you're still with us; B, unlike Hayden Christensen in "Awake," you didn't recover to find out that Jessica Alba was actually the villain and only after your money.
Long time admirer - July 09, 2009 - Report this comment
Really touching and ultra harrowing... glad ya pulled through... was it a CABG procedure? PS: It must have activated your auxillary parody lobe... you've only gotten better AF!
alvin - July 10, 2009 - Report this comment
great way to pull the rug out from under a scary situation
AFW - July 10, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks, Nurse LCC, Michael...have to check that movie out...and thanks, Long time..no, it was Angioplasty with a double stent procedure...and alvin..true..got it off my chest, so to speak, no pun intended.
Andria - July 10, 2009 - Report this comment
I've never had a heart attack, but I'm liable to someday because of family history and my weight. Great job here, and it makes a very grim and unfunny subject amusing. BTW, angioplasty with double stents seem to work out better than a coronary bypass or almost anything else short of a heart transplant. I'm glad you pulled through it, AFW, and I hope you keep the parodies coming as long as possible. 5s.
Mark SAcotti - July 10, 2009 - Report this comment
Just the office visit alone costs $555.00 in this epic of medical hilarity of horrors!!
AFW - July 10, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks, Andria...like a country comic once said, "I can still jump as high, but I can't stay up as long." ...and thanks, Mark..yeah, and that's just the HMO co-pay

The author of the parody has authorized comments, and wants YOUR feedback.

Link To This Page

The address of this page is: http://www.amiright.com/parody/misc/gilbertandsullivan125.shtml For help, see the examples of how to link to this page.

This is view # 1163