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Song Parodies -> "The Fundamentalist's Song"

Original Song Title:

"The Major-General's Song"

Original Performer:

Gilbert and Sullivan

Parody Song Title:

"The Fundamentalist's Song"

Parody Written by:

Phil Alexander

The Lyrics

I know... another one taking the mickey out of the uber-religious. But there's such a lot to take, wouldn't you agree?
I am a very pious and religious fundamentalist
My modus operandi ain't one of the very gentle-est
I'll rant and shout, my venom spout in terms uncategorical
'Cause I can't tell the Earth from Hell or real from allegorical

I try to stop all equal op-portunity for woman-kind
That's not to say I'm really a misogynist, just dumb-an'-blind
My arguments don't make much sense to anyone who's logical
And scientists? Well, they can kiss my astrotheological

Yes scientists, they can go kiss his astrotheological
Yes he will diss the scientists in language scatological
He'll take the piss of scientists by speaking loads of dodgy bull

I'll damn to hell the Infidel for such is my propensity
For demagogues I'll sin, agog, whipped up so very frenziedly
Of over-hyped sub-mental types, you'd say that I'm the mental-est
I am a quite fanatical religious fundamentalist

Of all the very mental types, damn right he is the mental-est
A really sick and fanatic religious fundamentalist

I only look at holy books - God's word shall fill my cranium
Inside my mind all you will find's a tal-muddled Koranium
I often gloat that it is wrote in language so poetical
If you imply it's not, then I denounce you as heretical

When burning flags and burning fags my pulse-rate is a-quickening
But bodies bare and turbanned hair I find extremely sikhening
Can't be denied that suicide in God's name is worth trying for
And half a gross (an overdose) of virgins is worth dying for

Yes, half a gross an overdose of virgins is worth dying for
He's ne'er been close to half a gross of virgins and he's dying for
An overdose of being gross with virgins that he's dying for

I have to hate the apostate because my cleric says it's planned
There's no excuse, one's faith to lose and anyone who does is damned
And therefore I will always try extremely to prevent all this
I'm not a very moderate religious fundamentalist

We think that he is so silly in trying to prevent all this
He is, we state, immoderate religious fundamentalist

If I could take on real debate not simply quoting holy texts
Or now and then show indepen-dent thought not the same ol' pretexts
If I'd admit it isn't lit-eral described infernal fires
If I could show I really know God's will and not my own desires
If I'd not rant, be tolerant and never more proselytise
That atheists and gay theists are satanism in disguise
If I were sane, using my brain for cogitating, mentally
You'd say this fundamentalist had altered fundamentally

If he were sane, using his brain - yes altered fundamentally
Let us explain less mental pain - he would be changed hindubitably
No more "deranged", he would be changed so very fundamentally

But I extol the wholly hol-y - I'm a quite repelling pest
I think the rule should be in school for regular gos-spelling tests
And in the streets you'll hear me preach, my views the very sensiblest
I am a very pious and religious fundamentalist

And in the streets you'll hear him preach, his views the reprehensiblest
He's, as we said, a bigoted religious fundamentalist

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 35

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   1
 5   34

User Comments

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Jack Wilson - October 01, 2007 - Report this comment
Awesome job,5s
Red Ant - October 01, 2007 - Report this comment
One of the best triple rhymed MG parodies on the site - great job with the 4th/8th syllable internal rhymes too. I particularly liked "Koranium" and "extol the wholly hol-y".
Project Sisyphus - October 01, 2007 - Report this comment
Great job, what a lot of work you put into this one! 5-5-5
alvin - October 01, 2007 - Report this comment
amazing rhymes schemes is required when taking on this ditty
John Barry - October 01, 2007 - Report this comment
Phil, you put the fun in fundamentalism.
Susanna Viljanen - October 01, 2007 - Report this comment
555 fatwas for such fun-damental parody! Stupidity, regardless of denomination, is free prey for making fun.
Phil Alexander - October 01, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanks :-)
Sisyphus - I spent a lot more effort on this one not writing it: my original theme was a Muslim fundamentalist (the very model of which scans better), but it wasn't funny enough... once I broadened the target, it all but wrote itself. Though it did go through a couple of revisions to shoe-horn more religions in.
AFW - October 01, 2007 - Report this comment
A fantastic MG rewrite...
ISTA - October 01, 2007 - Report this comment
Not the most PC thing in the world, but still, ALL HAIL PHIL. ALL HAIL PHIL. Brilliant work.
Tommy Turtle - October 01, 2007 - Report this comment
Phil, you are going to burn in Hell. Not for your beliefs, of course, but because TT has been working for weeks on his very first stab at TOS and was going to post tomorrow, and now it's gonna look copycat :-(
Anyway, great job. What Red Ant said, plus the "tal-muddled" prefix - lol! and "gos-spelling". Major Fives.
MrMacphisto - October 01, 2007 - Report this comment
LOL... awesome... 5-5-5
McKludge - October 01, 2007 - Report this comment
Heh. Sikhening. Heh. 555
MarthaDTox - October 01, 2007 - Report this comment
R U going to join R Dawkins in creating the athesists lobby??? great stuff again Phil!!
TJC - October 01, 2007 - Report this comment
Great stuff Phil, with o many great lines... 'twas fundamentally perfect! (I hope my zealotry for your parody isn't freaking you out!)
Phil Alexander - October 02, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanks to the rest of you, too :-)
ISTA - I don't do PC... apart from personal computers ;-)
TT - If you post it tomorrow, people will know that it's not copycat (unless you can write a M-G parody very, VERY quickly). And thanks for pointing out my two favourites, too
Martha - "creating" the atheists lobby? No, don't see myself as a creationist. :-)
TJC - just don't go starting a religion, OK?
stuart mcarthur - October 02, 2007 - Report this comment
absolutely brilliant Phil - as Red Ant said the 4/8 internal rhymes were so good and abundant there are TMTM - even though you're preaching to the choir with me (I'll fill you in on my "Fridge Penguin" fundamentalist religious movement one day) I would have been in awe anyway (gos-spelling, atheists and gay theists, etc.) - 555
Peter Andersson - November 11, 2007 - Report this comment
SOTM - I may be preaching to the choir but IMHO this is one of your most fun-demented songs ever, I loved stuff like "I'll sin, agog", "hindubitably", "gos-spelling tests" and the one that everyone (including yourself?) seems to have missed so far, the "Jehovas's witness singles" text ad at the top! Must mean they're offering you a record deal, right?
Max Power - November 11, 2007 - Report this comment
Great one
Guy - November 11, 2007 - Report this comment
SOTM - The very model of a modern major monsterglopolus. I did MG once and hurt my brain. I can appreciate all the work that went into this - nearly impossible pace and rhyming schemes, Obscure words to mimic and rhyme, the maddeningly rapid pace of some of the stanzas and the absolute diabolical length of this number. Your Major General is hereby promoted from 2 stars to 5 stars.
Matthias - November 15, 2007 - Report this comment
All I can say is "Holy Crap". How many times have you done this OS now?
Phil Alexander - November 15, 2007 - Report this comment
er... eight, I think Matthias. At one time, I was going to stop at three, but I kept having new ideas. I'm tempted to rewrite my first one, too (I think I've got a bit better at this game over the last few years)
Peter Andersson - November 17, 2007 - Report this comment
I see that the Google text ad I commented upon is gone now, I guess they are dynamic and change over time, the current one says "God is not a sadist", in a strangly sad way that's even funnier!
Below Average Dave ( - November 19, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) As long as you don't do this the way John Barry does Screaming Jay Hawkins. . .I guess all is alright, it's a really well done parody---I liked the lyrics a lot (though I have to wonder why is this song done so darn often on AmIRight?--prior to AmIRight, I'd never even HEARD OF this song.)
Phil Alexander - November 20, 2007 - Report this comment
No, Dave, I doubt very much I'll be hitting 50+... but as to why this OS is so popular, it's probably because in Tom Lehrer's words it's a "possibly recognizable tune" - certainly for oldies like me. And it's a great fun song to do (IMHO)
Agrimorfee - November 27, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Fundamentally too good for words. :)
Mikey Squirrel - November 28, 2007 - Report this comment
SOTM- Phenomenal job, Phil. I'm always impressed with parodies of long songs such as this. I have to wonder with Dave as well why this particular song is done so much, though. Maybe one day I'll tackle the challenge myself. Very well done.
bobpiecheese - November 29, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Large parts of the topic matter don't agree with me, but they're so interwoven with the superb pacing of it all I don't know what to say.
stuart mcarthur - November 29, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) well, I love this one - one of the best MMG's ever, with gags peppered everywhere (Koranium, sikhening, atheists and gay theists, hindubitably, etc.) - and on top of that the pacing and the triple-rhymes at the end of each line are flawless and often inspired - bravo Phil - 555
Kristof Robertson - November 29, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) An undoubted masterpiece...puns tripping over each other, fabulous satire, the works! Going to be hard to beat....555+++
McKludge - November 29, 2007 - Report this comment
SOTM - Any parody that skewers religion is aces in my book, and this one does it to many different ones. Echo stu on sikhening and hindubitably.
Jason - November 30, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Very good
Jeff Reuben - November 30, 2007 - Report this comment
Loved the puns, and a consistently great job on a long, tough song!
Smeg And The Heads - December 07, 2007 - Report this comment
I hardly know what to say. Breathtakingly funny, flawlessly executed, a stunning take on the original. And best of all, it absolutely TAKES THE PISS out of all those mad suicide bombers who think killing children is the way to get into heaven. Amazing job, quite possibly the best parody I've read on this whole site. All 5s, and the only reason I gave you that is there aren't any higher numbers to give. Fantastic!
ElRoboDiablo - December 10, 2007 - Report this comment
Matthias - March 24, 2008 - Report this comment
This flew a bit too much over my head.... I didn't even know what a Fundamentalist was until you wrote this parody, and even then I'm a bit confused. I am getting a bit tired of this original song... but at least you're not going to John A. Barry it, at least I hope you're not going to John A. Barry it....
stenickath - July 22, 2008 - Report this comment
Reminds me of the Christmas shows at Barts(London) when one firm of med students performed a riotously funny one"I am the very model of a modern gynecologist"

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