Bills, Ow!
Sometimes they get the best of me
When my wife buys, I rave and rant
I guess she thinks that we're rich
Spending like we can afford it,
But, we can't!
A wild shopping train wreck is she
I must get her into rehab..
Wasting dollars makes no sense
My poor budget's out of whack ,
more than a dab

Bills....My wife's Bills
Doc McPhee, I see,
And beg constantly, "More pills!"
My wife's bills...from the mall!
They're just too tough on me,
Jill's Bills!
At our tree, I stare
There's one branch up there,
That is just far enough off the ground..
I can picture myself...a rope and chair
Like string, I am swinging around !
Just choking and croaking and flinging,
And swinging around !

She won't give a hang if I'm dead
She knows that I'm fully insured..
She'll just sit on her tail
And wait for the mail
To deliver and give her the word !
I'll be ash in an urn on the mantle
No more to complain or talk back..
No longer the jerk
Who moonlighted work
Draggin' home lots of cash in a sack

But, my insurance would still pay her bills
It's a thought that gives me the chills
I'd still fulfill all her spending thrills..
New dresses with frills,
And bright utensils

Aha-ha-ha-ha!
She may find a new guy to take my place
At least, that's what most widow's do..
A CEO, or some bank president
She'll blow their money, too
I'm sure she would like that..
But, no CEO, or president
Stands a chance to keep up with
Her Bills!

My Wife's Bills!...from the mall!
They are so tough on me,
Jill's Bills
By that tree am I
There's one branch up high
Strong, and just the right height off the ground
It's me, I can see in a noose necktie
I'm hanging and dangling around..
Just choking and croaking,
Out, my eyes are poking,
I'm swinging,
And flinging around!

But, I'm hanged, if I live,
..or die of self slaughter
My demise, will no way,
be a lesson taught her
If I stretch my neck,
She'll wear a black dress..
With mascara'd eyes,
and no tears, wet...
Hey, why am I going on like this?
I'm still alive, I ain't dead yet!

Maybe if I try a little tougher talk
And go for a walk in the park..
I might stop her crazy spending, all the time
We'd financially climb from the dark
I can tell her...

Wait a minute!..
Why must I die?
What the hell!
Why can't she be the one?
Maybe it could be her..
Maybe it should be her..
Then I'd keep my money!
And have some fun, all in one
I'd be a nice sugar daddy to some babe
That might not be so bad, at that..
Someone who's young, with long blonde hair!
A chick who's sweet and petite
With big boobs, where I could smother
Up front, there!

Hot blooded girl,
Lean and light
With peaches and cream for me
Hot blooded girl,
Someone who's not so bright
Like broads are meant to be!
Five bucks or ten, would do her
She don't need too much class..
Wear "Second Hand"..not newer..
Glad for what she has..
And she'd be meek,
I'd toss her a trinket, each week, or two
My hot blooded girl,
She'd stay at home each night
Like a good wife should do

I - I got to get started before Jill wakes!
Work under her Lexus car
Slight adjustment of brakes
All it takes, the lake's not far
She's got to be dealt with..
There's no other way
Or she'll just continue to buy!
I don't want to run out of money,
Where's that lemonade, I'm dry!
She made me some just before her nap..
It tastes funny, why???

(Oh, my God! Aaaaarrrrrgggggghhhh!!!!!)