[Verse/Intro]
Back when I was very young,
I first learned my mother tongue
Learned phonetics, learned to spell -
Thought I'd learned 'em pretty well...
I got the U.S. version, through lots of deep immersion
But in the U.K.... they don't speak the same way...
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It's "vacation" in this nation
But Brits say "on holiday" -
"By George," that fits!
Talkin' like the Brits!

Here, teen boys head for the "toilet,"
There, "lads queue" to use the "loo"
And pop their zits!
Talkin' like the Brits!

I've been watching so much BBC now
I don't "take a piss," I "have a wee" now
(tweedle-dee now)

If some "bloke's" makin' a joke,
No prob at all, THAT's what I'll call
"Taking the piss"
Talkin' like the Brits!
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Here, when someone's called a "bum"
'Cuz he's no use - I get confused
With where he sits!
I think like the Brits!

Though baked sweets can be a treat,
Only rookies call them "cookies" -
I say "biscuits"
Eatin' like the Brits!

"Pounds" refer to wealth, and not to weight now
I've got no more friends... but I have "mates" now
(Got it straight now?)

If you're "smart," you've dressed the part,
So you're "clever," if and whenever
I mean wits...
Talkin' like the Brits!
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"Uniforms" are here the norm -
Stuff worn for sports: jerseys and shorts -
But there, they're "kits"...
Sportin' like the Brits!

Quests for "bars" won't get too far,
Go to your club, or just a "pub" -
Don't ask for Schlitz!
Guinness, like the Brits!

I remember mama as my "Mum" now
"Maths" is always plural when I "sum" now
(makes sense somehow...)

Some "bird" Annie flashed her "fanny"
(Not her "bum" - it's, umm... her some-
what private bits...)
If the bird's a Brit!