There's no missus like my missus in this business for sure
Everything about her is appealing
Everything that I got she can cure
Nowhere can I cop as happy feelings
As when she's squealing, and quite aglow

There's no woman like my woman
She smiles when she's asleep
Sometimes with a digger that you know want gold
You may be stranded an' put on hold
This one, wouldn't change her even if she's bald
So I'm playing for keeps

Pachino and Arnold, Keanu and Cruise
Are secretly unhappy men because
Pachino and Arnold, Keanu and Cruise
Get laid for what they do but I guffaw
They'd gladly bid their dreary wifes goodbye
If Cath'rine were to call them once, and why?

There's no missus like my missus in this business for sure
Ravelling for Cath'rine is so thrilling
Pounding out the fire every night
Smiling as she watch the boxers filling
And when her bling-bling's to bounce in flight

There's no woman like my woman
She smiles when she's asleep
Oscars come for everyone who knows the mob
And if like Brando you 'come a slob
Where could you find cradles like the one I robbed?
So I'm playing for keeps

(There's no missus like my missus in this business for sure)

I've been told, like dad I'm old and ugly
That I suck like vamps in "Dusk till Dawn"
Top of that, my latest's called a "Gigli"
My career's wiggly
But she's at home!

(There's no woman like my woman, she's not human for sure)

Yesteryear they told me I can't score a scar
That night she opened the "Traffic" bar
Next day to my dressing room she brought cigars
Hence I'm playing for keeps!