What is a happy home to me?
A dog, a nap, hot babes on tv
My favorite chair, a beer, or three
What is a happy home to me?

The spouse I live with,
Her spot of birth, a treat,
Some kosher from the butcher,
And a hassock for my feet
Soft sheets upon our playground
Leaving down the toilet seat
No mice indoors, or pigeons
That's a happy home to me..

A rack to sleep in,
Old woman at my side,
Some nights, a little kitty,
No excuses if I tried,
For breakfast, grits and pancakes,
Good Football on tv,
Last payment on the mortgage,
That's a happy home to me..

The view outside my window
When the neighbors wife suntans
With nothing on her yee-ha
But my two eyeball scans
My dear wife trimmin' the bushes
While Junior's cuttin' grass..
And one room that's air conditioned
Where I can rest on my ass

The heap I'm drivin'
A Tuesday night for bowls,
The pavement of the city
If they'd fix these damn potholes
But not the perch, and birdcage
Of wife's parakeet, I see
A parrot, after taxes,
That's a parakeet to me..

A Sunday dinner,
Long scratcher for my back,
The church and our old preacher,
If to my door he don't track,
The Fridays and the paychecks,
Thank God weekends are free;
No summons from the mailman
That's a happy home to me..

The words of Archie Bunker
Stifle yourself Dingbat!
And those of Old Al Bundy,
Nudie bar is where it's at..
That tavern down on oak street
Where I can sip gin, dry
A ride home in a taxi
So I magnet no DUI..

The dump I live in,
It's cluttered everywhere
My old woman is a hoarder
Garbage canyon piles that scare
The crapper I keep open
To take a dump and pee
Licks from my mutt, Bucyrus,
That's a happy home to me

Licks from my mutt, Bucyrus,
That's a happy home to me