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Song Parodies -> "In Heaven There Is No Sears"

Original Song Title:

"In Heaven There Is No Beer"

Original Performer:

Frankie Yankovic

Parody Song Title:

"In Heaven There Is No Sears"

Parody Written by:

Tim Hall

The Lyrics

In Heaven there is no Sears
(No Sears?!)
That's why we shop it here
After they shed all their tears
Our friends will be shopping more at Sears.

In Heaven there's no Craftsman
'cause life has no guarantees
We look down upon these fools
'cause they won't outlast the Craftsman tools.

In Heaven there's no Kenmore
Our clothes are at heaven's door
We don't have to go to the store
For washers and dryers from Kenmore.

At Sears there's no fashion sense
That's in the present tense
The customers are so dense
Designer names don't make any sense, yeah.

Tools and fools

At Sears there's no catalog
(Why not?)
Sales were not so hot
Keeping the catalog was so hard
They were like Montgomery Ward.

Sears is losing to Wal-Mart
Management was not smart
Money's seeping through their pores
The world will probably have no more Sears stores.

What's at Sears! What?

What's at Sears?
Craftsman tools.
No style,
And appliances.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.0
How Funny: 3.0
Overall Rating: 3.0

Total Votes: 2

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   1

User Comments

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David Chrenko - January 12, 2004 - Report this comment
Very funny, though the idea of no Craftsman power tools probably sends a chill up the spine of every real man in America - even guys who don't know how to operate them.
Guy - January 12, 2004 - Report this comment
I did this song once. Don't think a lot of people know this one. Small pacing problems but well done just the same. Polkas were a big part of the culture where I grew up. Nice to see some out here.

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