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Song Parodies -> "Tonto Pants This Evening"

Original Song Title:

"Some Enchanted Evening"

Original Performer:

Ezio Pinza (in "South Pacific")

Parody Song Title:

"Tonto Pants This Evening"

Parody Written by:

Stan Hall

The Lyrics

"A fiery horse with the speed of light, a cloud of dust, and a hearty 'Hi-ho Silver away!' The Lone Ranger! Return with us now to those thrilling days of yesteryear.... The Lone Ranger Rides Again!"
Tonto pants this evening
“Kemo Sabe, danger!”
to his friend, Lone Ranger.
Across his brow, there’s gloom.
He’s glum now (uh-oh!) --
there go thievin’ men
that don’t care who’ll see, or
chagrin feel at sin.

Tonto rants this evening,
“Kemo Sabe, faster!”
Two must get to pasture,
and rustled cows t’ rescue’em
tonight from their plight,
else, Ranger, their schemes
a round-up disaster
will bring, it seems.

You’ll run in vain if
you’re a felon guy
Fools ev’ry season --
guys who even try.

Tonto chants this evening,
“Kemo Sabe shoot toughs!”
Then two swillers fall who’d
been sauced, loud, and rude.
Ten guys who are fried
Lone Ranger sends home
‘fore oiled dudes cause strife, too.
Hey … scene is all done.

Ones who are bounders
ever better know --
ones who’re impounded,
never get to go!
©Stan Hall ... Actually, the Lone ranger was okay, but a bit of a tight-*ss, I always thought. Personally, I enjoyed more the silliness of Wild Bill and Jingles or Cisco and Pancho, and my horse opera heroes were Paladin, Zorro, and Josh Randall. (Johnny Yuma never seemed very credible to me; tho' they looked nothing alike, something about Nick Adams's "presence" always made me think of Sal Mineo dressed up to play cowboy.) :-)

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   9

User Comments

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John Barry - March 17, 2008 - Report this comment
The Ranger was my role model as a kid. Nice memory-maker. Great title.
alvin - March 17, 2008 - Report this comment
nice tribute to a fun pair...i've been to clayton moore's grave...jay silverheels had his ashes scattered at the six nations indian reservation in canada where he was born
AFW - March 17, 2008 - Report this comment
Ah yes, who is this newly masked song about? Why it's about the Lone Ranger...tops in idea and writing
littleCupCakes - March 17, 2008 - Report this comment
Loved this LoneRanger/Tanto tribute. I remember having a crush on Robert McCulough of TV: LARAMIE ???? nicccccce Cowboy!!
Michael Pacholek - March 17, 2008 - Report this comment
Thank you for NOT taking the route your title was suggesting. Five silver bullets.
Guy - March 17, 2008 - Report this comment
I just remember Bill Cosby doing a skit a while back on Tonto. Cosby was telling Tonto not to go to town because every time he did the bad guys would "beat the snot out of him". Did you know that Tonto was a huge stud with the women? He once said that he made love to every living creature on the plains and this dear old lady said, "Oh Dear". Tonto then said. Hmm - all except deer - "run too fast, jump to high!" I used to watch Tonto and the LR on Saturday mornings religiously. Loved it and love the parody. Stan you are in my estimation turning out to be the freshest and best new writer out here. Well done sir.
Stan - March 18, 2008 - Report this comment
Thanks, everybody.
Guy -- Great Tonto joke, and one I hadn't heard. I was a regular LR&T watcher, too, and always liked Tonto better of the pair. Nowadays, tho', my kneejerk mental image of Tonto is governed by the old SNL bit featuring Kevin Nealon, John Lovitz, and Phil Hartman as singing trio Tarzan, Tonto, and Frankenstein. :-)
Agrimorfee - March 18, 2008 - Report this comment
Thank you, masked man! (some language may not be suitable for younger or more sensitive viewers) :D
Some Recant Their Peeving - March 21, 2008 - Report this comment
... but not me... this was masterfully molded melifulous magnificence... (sorry, if you didn't quite dodge that alit hit) and Double Ditto Guy's-es (repryz-ed!)

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