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Song Parodies -> "There's No Business Like Ho Business"

Original Song Title:

"There's No Business Like Show Business"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Ethel Merman

Parody Song Title:

"There's No Business Like Ho Business"

Parody Written by:

Alvin Rhodes

The Lyrics

there's no business like ho business
we're so busy, you know
every scrap of clothing we'll be peeling
every thing we do is not allowed
but our johns all leave with happy feelings
we fake our squealin'...we all know how

there's no people like ho people
their style is to lay low
yesterday, you're picked up by the vice squad car
the night, you're spendin', behind iron bars
next day, you'll be struttin' like a porno star
so go get you a whore

we love boys...we wrestle...we tumble, while bound
we're rousted from the dusk until the dawn
the corners...the red lights...where pleasure is found
we sashay with our clothes just painted on
the white dust known as horse we do as well
what fun we're makin' in a cheap motel

there's no business like ho business
come do business with hos
though our mamas must be brokenhearted
wond'rin' how their parentin' went wrong
a fool and her two legs will soon be parted
the party's started...its all night long

there's no people like ho people
they turn tricks for the dough
many times we spend the proceeds all on crack
sometimes, abusin' a bit of smack
we make all our money lyin' on our backs
so go get you a ho

the costumes...the weinery...the make-up...the cops
the pimps that own the women in this town
the heartaches...the backaches...the places, you flop
the sheriff who is always bearin' down
the evenings when you're beaten like a drum
the evenings when the customers don't come

there's no business like ho business
some think that we are low
take a chance on me...i'm finally healin'
medicine has fixed me up somehow
at least i earn my pay...i am not stealin'
i'm still appealin'...i ain't no cow

there's no people like ho people
you ask and they will go
even when the evening weather's harsh and cold
a warm encounter can still unfold
all you need to do is bring a sack of gold
so go get you a ho
so go get you a ho

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Original Song: 
How Funny: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 11

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
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 0
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
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 4   0
 0
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 5   11
 11
 11
 

User Comments

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AFW - June 24, 2005 - Report this comment
Great goin'...favorite line-"a fool and her legs are soon parted"...This vice is nice...above fives..
Kristof Robertson - June 24, 2005 - Report this comment
Man...I really do enjoy a good ho-rody, and this was fabuloso! 555
Stuart McArthur - June 24, 2005 - Report this comment
ho ho ho and a bottle of c... - nah, there may be children watching - nicely done alvin - 555
alvin rhodes - June 24, 2005 - Report this comment
thanks AFW kristof and stuart
Rick C - June 24, 2005 - Report this comment
A classic! Too many good lines to mention. It's a riot that you and Peter did the same OS and, they ended up right next to each other. Oh, yeah, fivers.
alvin rhodes - June 24, 2005 - Report this comment
thanks rick
Dee Range - June 24, 2005 - Report this comment
High 5's, alvin. As King Of The Ho's, I have a job for you...and you can even keep 10% of your earnings!!!
Yet Another Dutchman - June 25, 2005 - Report this comment
I couldn't vote because I only know the chorus of this song, but it was hella funny to read anyway! And I guess you got the inspiration from either 50 Cent's epilogue in "In Da Club" or from that quaint little city I was born in, huh Alvin?
alvin rhodes - June 25, 2005 - Report this comment
thanks dee and dutchman
Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd - June 27, 2005 - Report this comment
"A fool and her legs are soon parted" will be classic quote or blond joke, if it isn't already, and like Rick C pointed out, what a coincidence, there are only two previous parodies of this song (that I could find anyway) and here we submit on the same day. Care to explain why you (and the other two) have credited yours to this Ethel Merman instead of Frank Sinatra though? I've Googled a little and come up with references to the "I love Lucy" show that I know by name (and that is was big) but since that never was a hit here I can only assume it has something to do with that.
Stray Pooch - June 29, 2005 - Report this comment
Peter: Ethel Merman made this song famous when she created the title role in "Annie Get Your Gun." Frank would not begrudge the credit - this song is hers. If you don't know who Ethel Merman is, you are missing a large (and I mean large) chunk of Broadway history. Alvin: This parody is priceless. I wouldn't trade it for a sack of . . . well, you get the point! 555
Gel - September 07, 2007 - Report this comment
The only way I'd become a ho would be if I am single and want a boyfriend like my friends and want to be raped or get a sexual disease!
alvin - October 27, 2007 - Report this comment
thanks peter, stray pooch and gel

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