Think waffles are quite crappy
But this breakfast food is swell
Though each time I vend these folks yell "EEEK!!!"
My pancakes won't sell

I can tell you're hungry, Buddy
My flapjacks are yummy
So warm and spongy, Wanna bite?!

When they're served the scene's confounded
My customers are spooked
They're running for the front door
And some of them have puked

This crowd is so crazy, Buddy
When they see my pastries
I swear that they're tasty, Wanna bite?!

While that IHOP joint keeps growing
All of these jerks fear my stack
Guess their guts aren't strong each time they eat
They send their plates right back

It makes me so angry, Buddy
I stare at them blankly
Delicious as candy, Wanna bite?!

Found out why they all hate my food
None of them can stand the smell
Mixed in my dough is human meat
So my cakes won't sell

They dig ones with berries, Buddy
Not ones with Gary
Fingers are scary when they bite

Pour some syrup on this cowlick
Don't mind hair in your food
This bacon's made from liver
Please leave good Yelp reviews

That would make me happy, Buddy
These hotcakes aren't crappy
Though they might be fatty from that guy